corrected Icaris Taisen Hamiachi

Name: Icaris Taisen (a.k.a Icaris)

Age : 13

Race : Wind fighter (Special mages who fusion sword battle with magic. This particular type
fusions it only with wind. their powers usually show up at 10, before that they seem
to be normal people.)
Sex: male

Hair: gray hair combed to the right with traces of white and blue in it.

Eyes: Sky blue

Weight: 50 Kg

Height: 175cm

Weapon: Sacred wind blade: A black long sword with a golden edge, about 1 meter. The
grip has runes in the ancient wind language engraved into it and a black orb rests
in a glass located above the holding area. Since it was crafted from the essence of
air, it is so light you can barely feel it in your hand. It has the ability to slow down
and become heavier in the hands of a stranger. If it is used to harm someone who
is innocent, it becomes so heavy, not even a giant could lift it.

Staff of Time: a wooden mahogany staff with a gear on the tip. Can slow down time for up
to 10 seconds, making everything (besides him) a lot slower, but it needs to
charge for 30 minuets. It also can fire razor harp gears from a distance. It's
1m and 40 cm long (including gear on the tip).

Armor: A light blue top and beige pants. He also wears gloves, brown boots and a dark blue
cloak which he hates to take of, since it was the last thing he has from his parents…
besides their little money and house.

Strengths: He's good at running, jumping, and exploring. His magic skills still need to be
improved.

Weakness: feels scared and vulnerable in open spaces and becomes occasionally nauseas.
He is very sensitive to heat and stays away from someone when he finds out
that that person can do something with fire.
Spells: -Wind fury: Slashes sharp
Cuts of wind towards enemy
-Call of the wind spirit: summons a gray werewolf with a mace as a fighting
companion for 10 minuits; not very good at it which can
cause it to be very, very weak. Unlike the staff of time, he
needs to fall asleep before he can redo it.
-Burst of gust: sends a whirlwind towards enemy; favorite Spell and can do it every two
minuits.
-Call of the Storm: sends three storm clouds to collide with the enemy at the same time,
causing paralization and pain.
Skills: -Temporal high speed: slows down time before shooting 10 gears out of his staff at a
deadly speed.
- Dual jump: only possible with gray werewolf summoned; makes the werewolf throw
him into the air while pulling him up as well and slinging him over a
distance.
-Oracle dreams: He sometimes gets visited in his dreams by the hodded figure who
gave him the sword. He tells him about what dangers he faces in
the future and teaches him sword fighting, which explains why he
learned to handle a sword in three months like a pro.

Appearance: He looks lanky but his body form only allows him to move faster. Usually
doesn’t have a face expression and has dark circles around his eyes, no matter
how much he sleeps. His skin color is really pale and a little girl once ran away,
screaming “Vampire!” when he approached. Looks deceivingly weekly built,
but once someone has fought him, he never underestimates children.

Biography: He grew up in a small village as an orphan, who lived alone in his parents house.
Other children made fun of him in his younger years, because he behaved
differently than the others and because he didn’t talk much. He got bullied,
mobbed and left out so basically, his child hood sucked. At the storm festival, a
festival that was held in his village every year in honor of the storm spirit, a
lighting crashed to the ground and a hooded figure appeared who gave him the
sacred wind blade and told him that it was his destiny to find the seal of storms
before Sarone did, who was an evil necromancer that wanted to take revenge
on the ancient wind fighter for destroying him, many, many years ago. At the
age of 10, his only friend went missing and he had a horrible feeling that Sarone
had something to do with it. He stayed in the village for another 3 months which
he spent training, before he set of on an adventure of a lifetime through the
places he knew and beyond.

Personality: loves the time before, during and after it rains, because at that time he feels
more alive than when the sun shines. He hates the heat and the sun at midday
and is mischievous, curious, courageous and adventurous. He never thought
about the fact that his curiosity could kill him and would much rather make
friends and protect others and even offer his life than kill someone. He also has
a slight problem with being lunatic; he becomes crazy when the moon shines
and does unexplainable and illogical things. he is short tempered but kind and
friendly, although very anti-social. When in battle, he becomes quite aggressive
and doesn't exactly know when to stop.

Okay...This is impossible to read as your spacing hurts my eyes. Don't hit the enter button after each sentences, and out a space be5ween paragraphs to make it easier to read please.

sorry about that, my computer has a major enter problem. I'll edit it.

is that better? sry if it still isn't good, I lost my glasses and my eyes are aching.

turns out it is not my keyboard, but my Word from which I copied it. I'll have to speak with my friend about it, I suck when it comes to technology

Originally Posted by Vaati135

Name: Icaris Taisen Hamiachi (a.k.a Icaris)

Long name...

Age : 13

A bit young.

Race : Wind fighter (Warrior gifted with the ability use wind as a weapon)

Need a race description, please.

Weapon: Sacred wind blade: A black long sword with a golden edge. The grip has runes in the ancient wind language engraved into it and a black orb rests in a glass located above the holding area. It’s powers are still to be discovered, but is sacred without a doubt.

Any known powers must be said. Also a bit more description to help people you may wield it against. Keep in mind swords are heavy, 'specially for a 13 year old.

Staff of Time: a wooden mahogany staff with a gear on the tip. Can slow down time for a short while and fire razor sharp gears from a distance.

How long can he slow down time for? How often? Everybody, or everyone except for him? Size of staff? Where does he keep it on him?


Armor: A light blue top and beige pants. He also wears gloves, brown boots and a dark blue cloak which he hates to take of, since it was the last thing he has from his parents… besides their little money and house.

Strengths: running, jumping, exploring and fighting.

Weakness: feels scared and vulnerable in open spaces and is sensitive to heat.

Expand. These are the two most important sections for someone writing your character...Singe sentences wont do.

-Call of the wind spirit: summons a gray werewolf with a mace as a fighting companion; not very good at it

Can summon a werewolf? You need to expand this...like a lot. like for how long, how many times, how strong is this wolf, need a description. Srsly. Expand, a lot.

-Burst of gust: sends a whirlwind towards enemy; favorite Spell

Expand.

-Call of the Storm: sends three tornados to collide with the enemy at the same time.

That is really powerful, a tornado can tear apart a town. Please add a weakness to this spell, and stipulations on which it must be used. Also size of tornadoes and average MPH's. Also tornadoes have an "e" in it.

Skills: -Temporal high speed: slows down time before running up a wall or blasting himself up with burst of gust, the propelling at high speed towards his target with his sword pointing outwards.

I don't want to tell you how to fight, but any half decent character would see this a mile away and stop the attack. it's also a blatant rip off of "Prince of Persia"

-Oracle dreams: He sometimes gets visited in his dreams by the hodded figure who gave him the sword. He tells him about what dangers he faces in the future and teaches him sword fighting, which explains why he learned to handle a sword in three months like a pro.

Someone from the Secret Council of Vagueness I imagine.

Appearance: He looks lanky but his body form only allows him to move faster. Usually doesn’t have a face expression and has dark circles around his eyes, no matter how much he sleeps. His skin color is really pale and a little girl once ran away, screaming “Vampire!” when he approached. Looks deceivingly weekly built, but once someone has fought him, he never underestimates children.

Kinda bland but will do.



You are also missing a personality sections which is needed if you want this character approved. Instead of creating a new thread this time just edit it into this one, okay? =3

Sry bout that. and about the Prince of persia thing, I had no clue: I never played a game of the series.

Okay dude...you gotta go and space this thing properly. Please. It's painful to read, fix that and it might be approved, savvy =3

Sry, but I tried it 2 times and the results were worse than this. I also checked for technical problem on my pc and I couldn't find any.

By the way, I only posted 1 official post and two on the escapists haven, but it says that I already have 9. does editing count as posting?

Edits don't count as posts...but srsly you're gunna have to edit that post. It's hard to read.

Sry if this still isn't good. If it still won't do, i'll have to give up on BA.

ARGH Kids. Fine I'll fix it for you.

Name: Icaris Taisen (a.k.a Icaris)

Age : 13

Race : Wind fighter (Special mages who fusion sword battle with magic. This particular type fusions it only with wind. their powers usually show up at 10, before that they seem to be normal people.)

Sex: male

Hair: gray hair combed to the right with traces of white and blue in it.

Eyes: Sky blue

Weight: 50 Kg

Height: 175cm

Weapon: Sacred wind blade: A black long sword with a golden edge, about 1 meter. The grip has runes in the ancient wind language engraved into it and a black orb rests in a glass located above the holding area. Since it was crafted from the essence of air, it is so light you can barely feel it in your hand. It has the ability to slow down and become heavier in the hands of a stranger. If it is used to harm someone who is innocent, it becomes so heavy, not even a giant could lift it.

Staff of Time: a wooden mahogany staff with a gear on the tip. Can slow down time for up to 10 seconds, making everything (besides him) a lot slower, but it needs to charge for 30 minuets. It also can fire razor harp gears from a distance. It's 1m and 40 cm long (including gear on the tip).

Armor: A light blue top and beige pants. He also wears gloves, brown boots and a dark blue cloak which he hates to take of, since it was the last thing he has from his parents… besides their little money and house.

Strengths: He's good at running, jumping, and exploring. His magic skills still need to be improved.

Weakness: feels scared and vulnerable in open spaces and becomes occasionally nausea. He is very sensitive to heat and stays away from someone when he finds out that that person can do something with fire.

Spells: -Wind fury: Slashes sharp Cuts of wind towards enemy

-Call of the wind spirit: summons a gray werewolf with a mace as a fighting
companion for 10 minutes; not very good at it which can cause it to be very, very weak. Unlike the staff of time, he needs to fall asleep before he can redo it.

-Burst of gust: sends a whirlwind towards enemy; favorite Spell and can do it every two minutes.

-Call of the Storm: sends three storm clouds to collide with the enemy at the same time, causing paralization and pain.

Skills: -Temporal high speed: slows down time before shooting 10 gears out of his staff at a deadly speed.

- Dual jump: only possible with gray werewolf summoned; makes the werewolf throw him into the air while pulling him up as well and slinging him over a distance.

-Oracle dreams: He sometimes gets visited in his dreams by the hodded figure who gave him the sword. He tells him about what dangers he faces in the future and teaches him sword fighting, which explains why he
learned to handle a sword in three months like a pro.

Appearance: He looks lanky but his body form only allows him to move faster. Usually doesn’t have a face expression and has dark circles around his eyes, no matter how much he sleeps. His skin color is really pale and a little girl once ran away, screaming “Vampire!” when he approached. Looks deceivingly weekly built, but once someone has fought him, he never underestimates children.

Biography: He grew up in a small village as an orphan, who lived alone in his parents house. Other children made fun of him in his younger years, because he behaved differently than the others and because he didn’t talk much. He got bullied, mobbed and left out so basically, his child hood sucked. At the storm festival, a festival that was held in his village every year in honor of the storm spirit, a lighting crashed to the ground and a hooded figure appeared who gave him the sacred wind blade and told him that it was his destiny to find the seal of storms before Sarone did, who was an evil necromancer that wanted to take revenge on the ancient wind fighter for destroying him, many, many years ago. At the age of 10, his only friend went missing and he had a horrible feeling that Sarone had something to do with it. He stayed in the village for another 3 months which he spent training, before he set of on an adventure of a lifetime through the places he knew and beyond.

Personality: loves the time before, during and after it rains, because at that time he feels more alive than when the sun shines. He hates the heat and the sun at midday and is mischievous, curious, courageous and adventurous. He never thought about the fact that his curiosity could kill him and would much rather make friends and protect others and even offer his life than kill someone. He also has a slight problem with being lunatic; he becomes crazy when the moon shines and does unexplainable and illogical things. he is short tempered but kind and friendly, although very anti-social. When in battle, he becomes quite aggressive and doesn't exactly know when to stop.


Now Copy pasta this into your original post with the edit button, Got it? Don't transfer to word, just copy, then paste. Do that, and I'll approve it.