Herugaur

Still a work in progress.

Herugaur Darclorde
/hair-oo-gar/ /darr-klord/
[Quenya Heru 'Lord', Sindarin Gaur 'Werewolf']
Nicknamed: Hero /hair-oh/

Age: 18 years.

Physiology:

Bio Analysis: Though human in shape, Herugaur fails to fit in that Class biologically. He originated as a human fetus, yet his stem cells were infected with Jenova, and after birth he was altered greatly by the use of Shade Cells, which are currently predominant throughout his body. Unlike humans, whose blood is mainly water that is pumped through their system by the heart, Herugaur has a heart which creates Shade Cells (as opposed to Red Blood Cells), which then permeate through his body on their own accord. Jenova Cells constitute all of his tissue and immune system, resultingly, he rarely gets sick and heals much faster than other animals.

Dietary Classification- Esivore: Other Life Forms survive by consuming other organics and breaking down the biomatter for fuel. Herugaur isn't too different. By grasping a Life Form, he simply absorbs their vital force into himself, inevitably turning the source into a dry husk. This method may seem inhuman to others, yet it doesn't bother Herugaur in the slightest. On a planet rich in organisms, he can survive by gradually drawing Life from his surroundings, which abates his need to feed.

Anatomy: Herugaur shares the skeletal structure and exterior membrane of a human, yet the similarities end about there. Standing six feet, two inches and weighing one hundred and sixty pounds, he is tall and square shouldered by human standards of normalcy. His hair is brown streaked with silver, spiking downwards and curving towards him in most areas. The front stops a bit below his eyebrows, yet the side and back extend to about his shoulders. Herugaur's eyes are somewhat alarming, being luminescent and amber in color with catlike slits for pupils. His skin is pale with purple lines patterned throughout his body left from the Jenova within. Yet one of his most defining characteristics is his single black wing growing out of his right shoulder.

Clothing: Herugaur isn't Goth (in the traditional sense), but he bears an affinity for black, and his clothing style reflects this. His loose fitting black pants reach to his feet clad in black boots. His black shirt extends to his elbows, yet it is normally covered from arm to shoulder by his black armored gauntlets and shoulder pads, which have arrays of two inch black spikes on the knuckles, joints, and shoulders. Around his neck is a loose black cord supporting his chain mail cape, which has a layer of silver chain mail on the inside and a purple cloth cape on the outside.

Diagram I- Herugaur

Bit cheesy, and not very accurate, I just made it for fun.

Weakness: Herugaur is doubtlessly a brave man, yet he is possessed by one fear: The Undead. It is not the principle of Necromancy, but the mere appearance of corpses moving past their time that renders him motionless and nauseated (though he can't actually vomit). The only way to get himself moving is to close his eyes and convince himself he is fighting a much more endearing foe, such as a unicorn or Killer Rabbit.

Equipment:

Muramasa: Herugaur bears a blade with which he cannot be parted: the Muramasa. A katana over four feet in length, it has a thin black blade nearly three inches in width and a triangular crimson tsuba. The hilt is eight inches and wrapped heavily in a black fabric. The blade itself is extremely sharp, cutting through even the hardest of metals. The katana holds a mental link with Herugaur, which it uses to control it's own movement through Herugaur's arms. In personality, the sword is bloodthirsty, yet at the same time it is calm and calculated, holding much wisdom in the art of swordplay. Herugaur himself cannot remove the blade from his side, for once he touched it, the Muramasa likewise chose him, thus the two cannot be separate again. He wields the Muramasa deftly with one hand, and although the Muramasa can control it's own movement, Herugaur's swift footwork and tactics can be attributed to himself.

Morgoth: The Morgoth is a chain mace, having a black handle roughly three feet long, and a chain about the same length. At the end of the chain is a black, spherical device with large retractable spikes, being nearly two feet in width with the spikes extended. A heavy weapon Herugaur has mastered over years of practice, Morgoth must be swung at a high speed in an arch around Herugaur. Should it strike any object, it's mentally-activated spikes will extend causing massive damage. Though not as reliable as his sword, the handle of the mace can be used in a defensive fashion, though it has a very limited range as it remains chained to the sphere.

Hecate: A bizarre, fist-mounted crossbow, the Hecate is Herugaur's most versatile and complex weapon. Unlike other weapons of it's kind, it has two four-foot long bows, one lying horizontal and the other vertical. The two bow strings intersect in a long, rectangular box with a hollow chamber that supports most of the bow's functions. Part of the chamber acts as a self-loading quiver, holding up to eight reloads. The rest is a loading chamber connected to the strings, which provide the power to launch the shafts at nearly eighty miles per hour. The trigger is internal and mentally activated, needing only to be aimed by Herugaur to fire. The bows of the Hecate are steel plated, being both flexible and strong. Though offering no defense against projectiles, they will easily deflect sword blows and such, thus the bow doubles as a makeshift shield.

Attributes:

Passive Abilities:
These have no cost and are used seamlessly by Herugaur.

Float: Mainly due to his Jenova infection, Herugaur can levitate up to twenty feet in the air. He cannot maneuver himself in air unless he pushes off of something, thus he can only move directly up and down.

Heal: Flesh wounds and cuts will seal almost instantly, thanks to Herugaur's Jenova cells. The skin will still be tender for a while, and will often leave behind purple scars.

Aura Sense: Herugaur can feel all Life Forms around him, as well as their pain, making him somewhat inclined to avoid populated areas. He cannot detect particular thoughts or desires in peoples minds, yet strong emotions tend to bleed through.

Shadow Powers:
Herugaur's Shadow Powers are the only form of sorcery he uses, yet can only be used at the cost of his Shade Cells. Shade Cells are measured in Dark Units (DU), of which Herugaur has Thirteen (with a maximum capacity of Eighteen), and regenerates one every turn. He can only expend three each turn, thus some of his stronger abilities must be charged over several turns to activate.

Spark, DU: One
A minor collection and release of power, a Spark can deliver electrical charge through most mediums to damage an opponent. Once created, a Spark will stand by until used, thus multiple Sparks can be gathered to deal more damage.

Dark Bolt, DU: Two
A large concentration of energy released from Herugaur's fingertips, a Dark Bolt looks rather like lightning. It can strike one foe, or be spread over a larger range to hit multiple targets.

Vampire Cloud, DU: Two
More to confuse or frighten foes than to cause much damage, Herugaur can create a swarm of synthetic bats. They can be used to obscure a target's vision, or to cover Herugaur's escape, should such a measure become necessary. Unless they are somehow all obliterated, the bats can be converted back to Shade Cells at Herugaur's will.

Form Blade, DU: Three

Form Dioxus, DU: Three

Greetings, Apocalypse. My name is Drammor, and I'll be helping you with the approval process of your character.

Since biographies are a required part of characters here, I'll need to read that before I can get started on the approval process. If you would please, just edit that in and make another post here to let me know when the bio is complete, and then we'll get started.

Oh, the biography is complete... It's just a bit concise, you see.

My apologies, Apocalypse. Life's been very hectic here for the last few days, and I've had to keep ZU a bit lower on my list of priorities. I've got a little extra time right now, so I'll use it to get started with your character's approval.

Appearance: Herugaur is of an even build, slightly muscular but very slim. He wears loose-fitting black pants of a synthetic fabric, most likely acquired during his days in the laboratory as an experimental specimen. Other than that, he wears a brown cloak made of animal leather that's open in the front. His skin pale & covered by an array of thin purple scars left from the Jenova within. He also bears a single black, batlike wing on his back, giving him the ability of flight.

I'd like to see more detail here. For starters, pretend that you didn't say anything about him in the first eight entries of the profile, and fill in that information here to give the reader a more complete picture of the character you're describing in this section. Also, I'd like to know why he can fly with only one wing; that's rather unusual.

Weapon: The only weapon he carries is the blade he feels shares his curse: the Muramasa. Built by the rival of the legendary Masamune, Muramasa, the katana was believed to be imparted with it's creator's supposed malevolence. Thus, the Muramasa is a black katana that will slice through both the innocent & the deserving, & cannot be sheathed until it have tasted blood. It is the only blade that Herugaur will wield as he feels it suits him.

I would like to see more information about his weapon. It's fine if it's the only thing he'll wield, and the weapon's history is important, but I would like to know more about the sword itself. Is it unusually heavy, or light? How long is it? Does it have any outstanding qualities? What is it made of? What about its sheath, is there anything special about that? If it's a katana, then is it all one color, or does the tsuba have a different color than the blade? You said it's black, so I assume you meant that the blade is black, but what about the rest of the weapon?

Strengths & Weaknesses: The Jenova cells within his veins grant him great physical strength & dexterity, yet at a terrible price. Each time he is injured, the Jenova rapidly heals him with it's own cells, thus, it becomes more & more ingrained into his flesh & mind. When Herugaur feels great pain or emotion, the Cells can react to his minds signal. The chemical reaction causes him to undergo a terrible transformation. His eyes purple, his hair standing on end, spiked, he becomes like a werewolf, having no control over himself, completely dominated by his Wrath. In this form he is completely berserk, his strength & speed drastically increased. Both Friend & Foe may fall before his might in this incarnation.

Herugaur is a brave man, yet he is bound by one fear: the Undead. It is not the principle of animating corpses that terrifies him. It is the sheer fear of corpses moving that renders him allmost completely immobile.

First, please separate his strengths and weaknesses into two sections: strengths as one section, weaknesses as another section. After you've separated those out, I'll have another look at these sections.

Skills/Magic: At birth he was exposed to high Mako Radiation, thus he possesses power considered unnatural for mortals. His main strengths involve manipulating Shadow to create simple weapons & devices, & to power his attacks. This form of magic involves sacrificing some of his own Life Force to create these objects. His favored creation resembles a mutant wolf, like this:

I'm going to need a lot more detail about each one of these things. What kinds of weapons and devices can he make with shadow? How effective are they? How does he 'power' attacks with it? You said that it involves sacrificing his life force, but what does that mean? How does it impact the character? And if that's his favorite creation, could you tell us more about it? How big is it, what is it capable of, what are its strengths, weaknesses and abilities? That looks like a good place to start for this ability.

Personality: Herugaur is a quiet guy, not at all social by nature. He thinks about nearly anything, but expressing himself, whether in word or on paper, is hard for him. He prefers to keep his thoughts & emotions to himself, which makes his seem very cold & aloof to others. In this way, his silence has hurt many who have mistaken his inexpressiveness for apathy.

I want to see more detail here, as well. So far, you've stated that Herugaur is a cold loner with troubles expressing himself. What are his interests? What is his opinion of himself? Of other people? Does he have any peculiar beliefs? What are his ambitions? Is he a naive person? Jaded? Wise? What kinds of things does he like and dislike?

Biography: Herugaur was biologically created as part of a plot of his villainous father, Golgoth the Nameless. An evil mind set on regaining his former power & overtaking the universe, Golgoth devised a heavily intricate scheme to regain the Seeds of Power, one of it's aspects involving founding the Sages of Despair, & spawning several children. Herugaur was oblivious until recently of this plot, & has met 2 of his siblings, Nightingale the Drow, & Lyre, who holds the Masamune. He is set against his father's quest, & seeks to stop him, no matter what.

When Herugaur was but a fetus, his father conducted several experiments upon him, involving Jenova Infusion & Mako Radiation. Before he was born, however, his home planet was attacked by his father's enemies, the Sages of Light, his mother was abducted by them, & his father's entire research laboratory was destroyed, the planet seeming to collapse into a micro black hole. A phantom of his father, Golgoth, was all that escaped.

His mother raised him among the Sages of Light, who held them as captives & keys to the Nameless's knowledge. His mother helped her son escape as soon as he was old enough, & it was then that he first set foot in the real world. For years he roamed, seeking knowledge of his origins. Yet at the age of 14, he fell into the hands of Angmar, & was imprisoned for over three years. He escaped once he discovered his Jenova abilities, & since has discovered his other strengths, & his birthright.

You've got a lot of information condensed into an exceptionally small space, here, but you haven't done a lot of talking about Herugaur's life. If you would please, try expanding the last paragraph of the current biography into about three or four paragraphs, by going into a little more detail about the things that have actually happened during his own lifetime.


Finally, although there is no explicit rule against this in the English language, the use of the ampersand should be kept to a minimum, as it tends to disrupt the reader's ability to flow from one word to the next. Anyhow, work on those things for me, and once you're done, let me know by posting here. After that, we'll cover anything else that may be keeping him from being approved.

Oh, one more thing. Once a councilor starts working on a character for you, there's usually no need to bump the thread. Please understand that our lives can get busy, and it might take us a couple of extra days to get back to it, but we haven't forgotten about you.

Herugaur, are you still working on this with me?

Oh, yesh. Sorry this is taking a while, I'm making alot of those changes, as well as a much more detailed Biography. Should be soon.

Great, thank you so much for working with me, Apocalypse.

I've realized my focus has been somewhat skewed writing this. I've looked at the format more like I'm simply answering questions about him and not writing a detailed report. So, I'm reorganizing my format into three distinct sections, each with a range of subsections to better describe Herugaur:

One that describes Herugaur's biological composition, anatomy, and such (it would be followed by a Clothing section so it would completely substitute Appearance and the first several posts)

Another completely encompassing Herugaur's various powers and fighting techniques

The last would cover Herugaur's history, personality, and other info about the person he has become

Is this acceptable?

That would be excellent, Apocalypse. Kudos on your proactive approach, here.

Hey, I've added in what I've done so far, just so you can read it. I actually did it all today.