Guardian Devil

I haven't written anything in quite some time, so I planned to make a story with my newly developed character, Kinar. Writing this really helped relieve the stress from studying for my biology test.

Anyways, since I have never used any scientific terminology or any science for that matter, with my writing, then criticism is welcome, whether it be constructive or not. Hope you enjoy.

Guardian Devil

Prologue

The year: 2343. mankind has mentally evolved over the past centuries, advancing in technology and bio-engineering. Because of this, humans have created the evolved form of their species, which they have called hypersapiens, or in a more general sense, super humans.

These super humans have a much more evolved mind than that of their human counterparts, possessing more knowledge than the average human can mentally and physically possess.

Their body functions and muscular size and strength have also increased, due to artificial proteins and other such chemicals that have been used in their production. The hypersapiens possess great amounts of strength, balance, and hand-eye coordination, makling them agile under even the most extreme conditions.

Their skeletal structure contains an artificial chemical based on the compounds of calcium. The bones are continuously given high, but safe, concentrations of calcium, so that no other sort of intake is needed. The bones are also solid, rid of the bubble-like spaces inside the bones, unlike humans, who possess such spaces inside their bones. This makes their bones structure 10x stronger than that of steel.

The hypersapiens possess a more evolved form of the immune system, being able to easily fight off diseases that humans have not even created a cure for.

To the scientists that were part of this project, the evolved form of humanity seemed very promising. Unfortunately, it was not so, for a problem occurred with these super humans.

Overtime, the hypersapiens developed a hunger for human flesh and blood. Scientists later discovered that very low concentrations of hemoglobin were present in their blood, and soon they began to feast on the blood of their counterparts.

The world leaders then ordered the destruction of the now-called "vampires," and the deletion of the files regarding to this project. Deleting the files was simple to accomplish, as it was simple to order it, but destroying a race of blood thirsty beings was not a simple task...

War broke out between the two breeds of humans, and soon after half of huumanity was gone, and the vampires reigned supreme over the humans. All humanity was able to do was live in fear, for they knew that at anytime, any day, one by one the humans were becoming prey for the blood thirsty beings.

Then another threat came to the surface of the Earth, for both humanity and the vampires. A demonic race from the Underworld, knowing nothing of peace, nor mercy, but bloodshed. They were the Taikuja.

A race born from the flames of Hell, the Taikuja lived under the old ways of society, waiting for the right time to feast on all of humanity. But because the humans have foolishly created their demise, the Taikuja knew that if nothing was done about this problem, then they would be the ones to suffer. Once the demonic race agreed to the solution that was conjured up by their king, war broke out once more, with the vampiric race and the demonic race.

Who will reign victorious? Who will perish under the hand of the supreme race? Will humanity ever live on after the war is over, or will they be just food for the winners of the war? I can only assure you this: there is a hero that lives among us. Born a demon, raised a warrior, lives as an outcast, but will die a hero... well, if it ever comes to that. Who is this hero you speak of, is what comes to your mind, I assume. Well then, if you would like to know, please make yourself comfortable, and I will tell you the story of the Guardian Devil.

O:

I must say, this was excellent. Even if this is the first time you've incorporated scientific terminology in your writing, I hope this isn't your last. It was terrific, especially for a science geek like me. =P

A great way to start out your story. A thorough explanation that is a good method to pave the way for the rest.

I loved this very much so and I expect to see much more. I guarantee you that I shall keep watch over this thread.

Simply. Freaking. Awesome.

Wow, that was an excellent introduction and I could see it being put into a movie. Still, we have a lot to expect. :XD

Thanks for the compliment. I didn't expect anyone to react like that when I posted this on here.

Well, here is my first chapter. I doubt that this will be as good as the prologue, or maybe even better. I'll let you people decide. Anything that you see wrong or not well done, please tell me know, so that I will remember for the future.

Chapter I

The night was at its darkest, like it has been for many nights since the war started between the two monsters. Fog covered the city streets, making nothing seem to be there. However, during such a night, vampires would hunt for their food, the humans, for the sunlight during the day would not allow them to do such. But the vampires were not the only ones hunting for food. Someone, or something, was lurking on top of the buildings, hunting for them.

A shadow leaped from one building top to the next, following the scent of the vampires. He wore armour that blended in with the darkness surrounding him, and a long scarf and bandanna that were the colour of blood, with the bandanna over his eyes, for he did not depend on his sight to help him find his prey. His hair, also the colour of the night sky, flew in the breeze as he leaped over the city streets.

For a moment, it stopped, landing onto a ledge of a rundown apartment. He tightly grabbed onto the brick ledge, feeling the movement from the streets below him. All he felt was silence. Nothing seemed to be lurking down below.

What is this? Are my senses leaving me completely blind? The shadow clenched his teeth in anger, and searched continuously for anything that seemed edible to him.

Suddenly, movement started to conjure up on the ground below. Alot of movement was felt by the lurking shadow, and then the clenched teeth in his mouth became a sadistic smile. Finally, I will not go hungry tonight.

The shadow jumped down, slicing the fog with his body as he descended. He landed silently, not making any sound. The vampires, however, smelled his scent, and reacted quickly with snarls and hissing noises. Such a reaction would only mean one thing: it is time to feast on living flesh.

The shadow knew that the vampires would attempt to eat it alive, and drink on its blood. He walked slowly towards the group that existed close by, as the blood-thirsty beings walked towards the shadow. They were whispering something, in a way that almost seemed like they were chanting. The shadow knew what they were whispering. "Food... Blood... " It began faint as a pin dropped onto the floor, but soon grew louder, and louder, until the shadow noticed that he was surrounded.

"Who might this lost one be?" one of the vampires asked his other companions as a sadistic joke.

"Whoever he might be," another one replied, smelling the air infront of him, "He smells very delicious."

"Let us not wait for such a feast," another one said, smiling. "I have not had anything tonight, and no human is out, either."

Then one of them approached the shadow, holding a knife in one hand, behind his back. The shadow heard the blade of the knife cut through the air as the vampire approached, and waited for the time to strike. Once the creature came in close contact with the shadow, he attempted to swing the knife overhead. However, the shadow quickly sliced the vampire's arm off, with a blade that pertruded from its arm.

The vampire knelt down as he held his cut-off arm, yelling and hissing, looking at the one who attacked him. "What is with this one?" he said, growling at the shadow. "You will not be so lucky now, human! I will torture you, making you want to die!"

The shadow grinned an evil grin. "Who said I am human, fool?" He then quickly ran his blade down infront of it, cutting the vampire's head off. Then more hissing and growling noises were heard from nearby.

"You will not die peacefully, human!" One of the other vampires said aloud. "Let's get him!"

The two other vampires circled the shadow, as vultures around their prey. The shadow listened for their movement, feeling it across the air around him. A sudden change of movement was felt by him soon after, as he knew that the vampires were charging at him from two directions. The shadow charged towards one of them, unsheathing another blade from his other arm, and stabbed the vampire into its heart. He then went after the other, grabbing the head of the blood-thirsty creature. He gripped the creature's skull tightly, waiting until the vampire was in terrible pain.

"Why do you assume I am human?" the shadow asked. "Are you too foolish to realize that not only humans exist in this world, but ones such as yourself?" He tightened his grip on the skull of the vampire, wanting to hear him whine painfully. "Then again, I am nothing like you, you weak, foolish beings."

Then in a split second, a blade pertruded from his hand, going right through the head of the creature, that now was laying on the ground, with blood over it.

The shadow took off his bandanna from his eyes, putting it around his neck. He grinned, relieved that his stomach will finally be satisfied. His faded eyes dimly glowed through the thick fog, as he knelt down over the body, and began to feast.

That was just as good as the prologue. Very good.

The descriptions were excellent. Really magnificent describing of everything. That is, personally, what made this chapter great. It was also a superb transition from the prologue. While I don't know how you have planned this out, from the sequence of the prologue and this chapter, I can tell it will be wonderfully transitioned.

Two thumbs up. :]

Next chapter done, and ready to be read XD.

Chapter II

Dawn soon came, the sun shining over the horizon with it's golden light. The fog that covered the city streets, and the darkness that covered the night sky, vanished as the light from the bright sun pierced the sky. The humans came out from hiding, knowing that they are safe from the blood-thirsty creatures that haunted the streets a while ago.

The shadow that feasted that night escaped from the light of the sun, knowing of his weakness against it. He fled to a warehouse, old and decripit, windows covered in black paint, so that no sunlight would penetrate through the window. Therefore it was dark inside, nothing able to be seen without a source of light.

He entered through the garage door, into the basement, and closed the door behind him as he walked in. He took off his bandanna from his eyes, and the scarf from his neck, and walked into the large storage area. Boxes seemed to grow tall in the darkness that consumed the inside, for they were immensly stacked on top of each other. But nothing useful were in these boxes. All that was in them was just weapon ammunition, and weapons to go with them. To the shadow, all it was was garbage. He never used a human weapon since the day he was born from the flames he once lived in.

Slowly walking by the stacks of boxes, he walked into an open area, where he noticed an old man, sitting on a wooden chair. He had a candle on a stool beside him, as he was reading something that seemed to be the newspaper. He wore a green tunic, leather boots on his feet, old and ripped along the soles. He wore loose, baggy pants that he held up on his waist with a belt. The old man looked up at the shadow, and a smile was formed across the old man's face.

"Ah, Kinar, you are back." He stood up, using the cane he had nearby as support. "I assume your midnight snack was delicious."

"You are lucky I went last night to feast, old man," Kinar growled at the slim man, who held the rolled-up newspaper in his free hand. "If I stayed any longer, I would have feasted on your meatless corpse."

"I take that as a yes," the old man replied, smiling at the tall figure. "I also found two vampire bodies just outside, as well. I kept them fresh by putting the bodies into the large fridge at the back."

"Where did you find them," Kinar asked, demandingly and surprised. "How could a weak human like you even catch them?"

"I didn't," was the old man's answer. "Honestly, I thought you left them for later."

"I did no such thing," Kinar viciously replied back, with his sharp teeth clenched. Then he smelled something in the air, something that was similar to that of a fruity smell. Disgusting, Kinar thought. It must be a human stench, if it smells so aweful.

Kinar then put on his scarf around the lower part of his face, and his bandanna around the upper part, covering his face entirely from the sunlight. He suddenly dashed out of the storage area, and leaped onto a window sil.

"How could you have missed it, I wonder," the old man spoke to the creature. "With those hightened senses of yours, you should have been able to hear him, or her."

"Shut up, old man." And with that, Kinar leaped through the window, unaware of the later causes to what he had done.

"I guess what they say nowadays is true about blind people," the old man muttered to himself. "The rest of their senses highten. I wish I was like that." He walked over to a broom and a small trash can. "Guess I better clean this up, and fix that window before something bad happens later."


Kinar was right, it was a human. A female human, to be exact. She was simply dressed in a red blouse and a pair of light blue jeans. She stayed around the abandoned warehouse over night, thinking that she would be safe around the area. Well, she thought right, in a way...

"Thank God that nothing happened tonight," she told herself, relieved of her safety. "Looks like I was right when I thought of coming here."

Foolish human, Kinar thought, looking below from the roof of the building. She should not have come here, or else vampires would not be her only threat at night. Kinar leaped overhead to the roof of the nearby building, and that was when the woman looked up, looking to see if she was being followed.

"Wh-who's there?" the woman shouted, asking whoever was up there. "Whoever you are, stop following me!"

Kinar then landed infront of her silently, and as she turned around the creature grabbed her by the shoulders and pinned her to the wall.

"What is your business here, human?" Kinar asked, clenching his teeth under his scarf. "If I knew you were here sooner, I would have eaten you instead of those foolish vampires I ate last night."

"Who on Earth are you?" the woman asked, shocked by the sight. "Or, what are you?"

"Shut up, and answer me!" Kinar growled at her. The woman closed her eyes, afraid of the demonic creature that held her off the ground. Kinar sensed her fear, and it grew very much by the second.

"Are you afraid of me?" Kinar asked, showing his teeth and growling at her.

"A monster like you, only living to eat us humans," the woman began to speak. "Yes, I am afraid. Very much afraid of you."

Kinar snarled at her, again showing his sharp teeth to her. He then dropped her, as she fell to her knees. "It's not worth eating such a weak human like yourself. You better go now, before I change my mind on if you will be my next prey."

"Are you serious? I am allowed to leave?" The woman seemed pretty surprised, and relieved, but she knw there was something wrong. Kinar felt her presence still.

"Leave now, I already told you to go!"

And with that, the woman left, running as fast as she could. Kinar left as well, to hide from the light he hated the most. "Damn mortals, will they ever learn to not come here?"

He left the alley without leaving any trace of evidence he was there. As he did so, a sign fell to the ground from the gust of wind his body created from jumping. The sign said the following:

WARNING: Dangerous Territory.
Home to Man-Eating Beast.
Come at your Own Risk.

Very good. I will await Chapter III.