I would like to thank Selah for helping me with this and WOTS for telling me the best way to write. This is the rewritten version of Chapter One, you can leave comments, I even encourage you to leave them.
Chapter one: The Night the Sword Awakes
Outside in the stormy night there have was a kid named Nikudemon shedding drop of tears on his mother and father. A lone katana sheath beside his legs and a pendent that looks like a ancient medallion around his neck was the only thing that stood out. The drag marks from the ground flowed to the body from the house like a steam of water. The kid stood in front of them in his mud like shorts and grass like shirt looking up at the sky letting the free falling water hit his face.
Then the young boy screamed out two words as if he was crying to the heavens, “Mom, Dad!” He stopped and looked down at them and let his tears fall on there face. “Dad I will never let this happen again. I will never let this evil take control of me again. I’m go to grandpa’s house and learn to control this evil that is inside me. Then I will become as strong as you so I can protect other with me sword. I will become the strongest swordsman in the world!” the boy remorsefully cried.
He grabbed the katana that sat by his legs and unsheathed, holding it with both hand because of the weight. The steel blade even in the black of night looked like a holy blade. The blade was forged beautifully and kept up with care as the moonlight shined upon the blade and reflexed back into the sky. He slowly extend his arms out above his head looking up to see the water trickle off the sword and splashes on his forehead. “Father I will become stronger with your sword now and forever. Your sword will always protect me. I can feel the power that lays with in it.” He muttered as rain drops rolled down his cheeks.
The boy had only partially lowered the sword when the pendent slipped from around his neck and floated up into the air. The sword was suddenly weightless; it drifted from his hand and took its place beside the pendent. Nikudemon gaped. Dim moonlight bathed the pendent, and a ray formed at its centre, bursting forth and covering the sword. The blade took on a holy cast, as its edge sharpened and the hilt began to transform; at last, the hilt revealed itself to have a dragon engraved on it, and the light blanketing the sword shot upward, flashing through the sky. Whatever had been done had been done; suddenly lifeless, the sword and pendant fell to the ground. What was this? Nikudemon thought wildly. What had just happened? Why did everything change?
While the kid was thinking about what just happened a pact of wolves woke up from up on top of the mountain nearby. The bight light that shot through the sky woke them from there sleep. The pact leader smelled blood in the air and howled then glowed. All the wolves came behind the leader and they ran off the mountain. The boy heard the loud howl from the wolf and his heart started to race. The boy quickly grab the sword and ran towards his grandpa’s house with his heart pounding every second. He could hear the wolves getting closer and closer but couldn’t tell where they were coming from. Suddenly he stopped and was looking straight in the eyes of one of the wolves. He turned around only to see other wolf and some trees he ran pass. He looked all around himself to see he was surrounded with no place to ran. He’s heart raced faster and faster as he panic more and more about the though of dieing.
“No! No! I can’t die here! Don’t let me die here father!” the young boy cried out, clamp on to his father sword. A dark pulse came off the sword and started beating faster then the boys heart beat. A dark shadow grew from in back of the lonely boy. The shadow grew higher then most tree. The wolves growl at the shadow, then started to back off when they see the shadow eyes open. After they seen there growling wasn’t doing anything they ran away. The shadow monster then took form but at that moment the boy’s heart stop for three beats and he drop to the ground. The little baby dragon formed for the shadow and watch the boy fall and the sword stop pulsing.
“This is no good he has not yet master this form of the sword. So, how did he get to this level so fast. This boy… No, something happened that was unforeseen in the time line. I must get him back to his family before something else happens. If me the dark ruler of the pendent and sword lets him die, no it would be a cold day in hell,” The little blood red Dragon muttered. He tried hard with all his strength to pull the boy the was like a log back to his house but gave up not even moving an inch. “I’ll just get the old master to take him home.”
The little dragon flew back to the boys house to he seen the old master and his wife dead in the middle of the mud. Rain hitting the body’s and washing the blood away. “Oh, no! That’s what the bad thing that happen is. This is not good I hope his grandfather is still a live. That old man would never let himself die. He just doesn’t know how to die right,” the Dragon implied, then flew back to the boy. He seen the boy using the sword to get back on his face and a happy smile on his face. “Well my job is done here,” he said then sighed. This boy is something else not many people can summon me even at this form then get back up soon after. And what with the smile? Well I should go back to sleep he’ll will be fine.
The boy got on his feet but still had to us the sword to hold him up. I boy looked up at the night sky just when the rain stopped. The moon shined bright down on him as if heaven’s light was looking down on him. It stopped rain… I guess it's my lucky day. Thank you father I knew you would always watch me. Well I should start walking to grandfather, I think it's a day walk from here.
I like it much more then your first draft, but you still have some Typos that should be dealt with. I love the story though, it is very good, but I have one question, is the old man gonna get to training him in the next chapter? Good job on the rewrite.
The boy started to walk through the forest that he reached soon after getting back on his feet. The boy got scared at every little noise he heard in the forest. He also kept looking back every few second, as his walk became a run once again.
The boy ran as fast as he could but he felt as if something evil was watching everything he did. He continued running away from what seen like laughter now. The boy tripped on one of the roots the came out of the ground, he fell on the ground and turned around to see a dark shadow following him.
“What.. What did you want with me,” the boy managed to mumble. He crawled back as the shadowy being came closer.
The boy’s heart and breathing started to race, when he got back up and ran again. The boy ran and ran through what now seen endless to him. He came to an opening in the forest when he stopped and turned around. The shadowy being was in front of him like he was hoping for. He slowly turned his head to see the shadowy being behind him again.
The boy fell to the ground dropping the sword and it flew up to the shadow. When the sword hit the shadow a small light started to form in the middle of the two. The light started to take form and the sword dropped into the strange light that just took place.
“What… what are you two?” the boy mumble as the bottom of his shorts became wet.
The two beings looked over to the boy and back at each other then the light being said, “I represent your good half and all that is nice in your heart. He is your fears and represent all the evil that you have done.”
“What are you talking about? You two are crazy!” the boy shouted and ran off again.
He ran faster and faster trying to get away from the light and dark beings that now followed him. As he ran towards what he hoped was his grandpa's house he notice that his father sword was back in his hands. He looked at the sword and saw a new engraving on it. The new engraving, a long snake with its mouth open and its fang showing to the dragon. The dragon’s mount seem to have move since the last time the boy looked, it now had it’s mouth open with a large ball in the middle of it. The snake's and dragon's eyes seem to look at each other and see nothing but hatred.
The boy stopped running and looked back to see nothing was following him anymore. He looked forward and seen his was close to his grandpa’s house. His looked up at the sky and seen that the moon was still out and seem to not have move. The boy walked up to his grandpa’s house and knocked on the door.
“Grandpa! Grandpa it’s me!” the boy yelled trying to wake his grandpa up.
The boy’s grandfather got up to the noise and slowly walked to the door, not able to see well yet he opened the door and looked out to see no one. He closed the door when he heard other knock. “Grandpa you closed the door on me.”
The old man turned around and said, “Nikudemon!”
“Yes it’s me grandpa!”
By looking at the old man one wouldn’t think he was that old. The old man had red hair; his face had little show that he was old. The old man stood about five and half feet tall with muscles big enough to scare most living being.
“What are you doing hear? Go home,” the old man replied.
“I.. I can’t go back home.”
“What?” The old man turned around, opened the door and looked down at his grandson. That sword and pendent… no you didn’t son, did you? But how did he get through the forest.