Fate's beginning

[Celestial Link]

Okay this is still in the experimental stage but here goes, one night four years ago a boy named Trevor well on that night a man in a black coat (a.k.a an assassin sent to destroy or kill special targets) well while Trevor is fast asleep in his bed the man slowly sneaks into Trevor's parents room, well our son doesn't even know his own family history or even the powers that he possesses but it hasn't awakened yet what’s uh oh their here we must run away said Trevor's parents well no you will not your dead said the man, Boom, crash, slice, Trevor's eyes open what was that sound slowly and carefully he walks to his parents' room he sees his parents lying on the floor dead no how could this happen, haha you fell into my trap suddenly the man charges toward Trevor no it can't end this way yes it can he swings the sword towards Trevor, suddenly a bright blinding light stops the attack and parries the attack back at the man bang he hits the wall he flies out the window and escapes, who are you Trevor says well I'm Zeus the king of the gods and this is my wife Hera queen of the gods, well we have seen your troubles for many a years now and have decided to help train you to unleash your true power, what true power I'm just a boy I don't have any magical powers yes you do just its lying dormant right now, well if that’s true then I guess its destiny that I'll save the world well I'll do it, after years of training four years later Zeus and Hera say well we guess its time for you to go you have completed all of your training, and we've explained everything and here here’s the Sword of Zeus and the Vale of Hera now you'll encounter that man and the many different assassins that work with him you must defeat them and gain new powers along your journey, and you'll encounter many different people now go fourth and save the world, a week later dam* I hate deserts their just to hot and dry for me hardly any water for me oh well.

[Mr.Man]

Full stops and spacing would be greatly appreciated as would proper grammer.

[nikuvillain]

Following the rule would be greatly appreciated to along with what Mr. Man said.

[Zorolo]

As Niku said, read the rules. All Character fics must be at minimum five paragraphs. Please read the rules before you begin something. Thank you and have a nice day.

[Angel]

Wow, I got as far as the third line before my eyes started hurting from the lack of... well, everything. I suggest you enrol in Battle School. *checks* well it seems you already have. A hint, I don't think you should say anything but "I want to enrol my character, Trevor Viso, into the Dome".

[Cio]

Well, truthfully..... I couldn't manage to read it all. There is nothing to seperate your thoughts. You started your story with a comma. -_- How does that tell the reader that you've started? Also, no periods except the one at the end. Is it really one big sentence? When he's saying something you can't even tell he's talking. >.> I would majorly revise this if I were you.

[Celestial Link]

(In character) Okay I think I'm officially lost in this mass forest I need to check the compass and map hmmm looks like I need to head north to reach the river but the compass broke, dang man whoops looks like I'm hungry lets stop to eat hmmm this lunch that Zeus found that my Mom prepared before she died boy sure do I miss her and Father. *Munch, crunch, swallow, * now lets head out hmmm ahhh what is that laying there oh its hurt lets check it out. *Checks out the strange thing on the ground* Oh no this dog is hurt hmmm here take this spray it will sting a bit but it will help *barks painfully* there all better now to repair the wound, there you'll stop bleeding now what to name you I know Twilight. I'll call you Twilight sorry but I have to leave I'll come back later for you, what you want to come with me well I guess you can come, come on lets go do you know which way is north ahhh that way lets go boy. To be continued.

[BloodLink]

Good Job! Bad Grammar rules!(for the first one, your second is really good)

[Celestial Link]

While setting up camp for the night, "Hey Twilight what do you got there? Oh good you got dinner help me carry back to camp, I'll light the fire there we go lets cook this deer leg first, looks delicious. Okay lets cook this, there we go smells delicious, wait what are you barking at the moon? The moon its dark red like blood! Twilight what the heck your glowing your fur its shiny wait a minute I remember this now. That’s the Twilight Moon it only comes out on special nights, the Night of the Twilight and this night occurs when a powerful demon appears, its called the Twilight Lord it control the darkness of the night and can cause nightmares to come true on unsuspecting victims and just before he does this a dog will bark at this moon alerting its master of the danger. I guess its time to kill this monster and claim the mystical item it possesses inside it the Twilight Bracelet a very rare and powerful item only one exists and one Twilight Lord exists. It lives in Twilight Forest where we are now come on Twilight lead me to him." *Pulls out the Blade of Zeus, * "Time to claim the item that can power up my Blade, "ahhhhhh!" ahhh my ears that most be its blood curling scream come on Twilight attack it. "Ssssss" *slashes right across TL* yahhh *TL losses its head* ahhh ha here it is *picks up the Twilight bracelet and puts it on the hilt of the sword glowing light comes off the Blade and it gains a new ability twilight mode* To be continued...

Explanation: Well I'll explain Twilight mode next chapter but the Twilight Lord is actually not very powerful originally it was a regular monster/ demon but after it found the Twilight Bracelet it got those powers now the Twilight bracelet works in two different ways depending on the host who holds it if a evil hearted person or a monster obtains it they become very powerful with the dark twilight. And if a good hearted person holds this bracelet they become very powerful and obtain the sacred Twilight a powerful that gives the wielder the power to form to blades out of their weapon mostly Swords The blade of Zeus splits into two modes when equipped with the bracelet one Twilight mode where the blade becomes like spear with magical properties, and the other one is sacred light mode where the blade forms another Sword called the Celestial Sword which gives its wielder the power of Celestial mode Trevor's Ultimate power which will more explained how useful it will be later on in the story. And eventually it might become a permanent weapon stay tuned for more...

[Celestial Link]

Hmmm will someone come around and make a post so I can make Part 4 already.

[Gudder Snype]

I would like part 4 now

[Celestial Link]

"Yahh yahh there deer meat chopped and ready to eat dig in *Twilight and Trevor chomps down the meat* mmm so good time to train." *Picks up sword, and starts training with wood "yahh yahh yahh *slices through wood and practices his sword swings and aim* yahh yahh *focuses energy into an attack called phoenix strike an attack that uses the power of fire to take the sword into a stabbing form and turns it into a phoenix on fire that goes through objects setting their body and insides on fire and kills them* haaaaa yahhhh ffffhhhhh *burns* well that’s it for today time to go to bed." *snores and yawns.* "Man that sleep was good what the hell? Its still only midnight what the heck is that moaning yeah I think so? What is that its transparent is that a ghost? Oh that’s why they call it Phantom's hill because of the graveyard here and the ghosts that haunt it well lets check it out *check out the hill and finds nothing but a tombstone saying* here lies Gerald Hill the famous music hunter who loved music and bounty hunting 2025-2125 hmm weird.... To be continued.... There isn't really any need to explain anything nothing really.

[Celestial Link]

(OOC narrating) After seeing Phantom Hill Trevor decided to setup camp for the night
"Okay now that camp is setup time to eat." *said Trevor while unpacking the meat he still had from the deer. *

"Man this meat is so good mmmm I think I'll have another serving and go to bed." *Said Trevor as he finished off his first serving of deer meat and beginning to chow down on the second finally after finishing the deer meat he laid down on his bed or sleeping bag he then, drowsed off to the land of dreams (meaning he fell asleep and was dreaming). *

"Hmmm that was some good sleep time to set off hmmm what’s this the land has disappeared." *Said Trevor saying so in a very confused way the land disappeared and a whitish like place surrounded on one side with white and the other side a black darkness so intense you couldn't see anything on the dark side of the place. *

"Hmmmm this place appears to be a mysterious place hmmm I believe this must be the realm of Light and darkness I heard so much about." *Said Trevor with a puzzled look suddenly two figures appear a dark figure so black that it was as black as the night sky and a white figure so bright that it was like looking at the sun and it hurt your eyes the two figures started to fight clashing against each other with their own sword the dark one carried a pitch black sword it looked as if it was 10 feet long or more and the white figure carried a white sword configured of a bright light like energy the swords clashed and clashed suddenly both figures disappeared and Trevor began to see the woods that he was in once again a mystery puzzled him*

"Man I'll never understand the mysteries of this world oh well time to continue" *Suddenly he was pulled into the realm again and the two figures surrounded him and addressed themselves. *
(White & Dark figures) "Greetings adventurer we are the beings of light & darkness we call ourselves the Guardians of Light and Darkness we protect our own element as you see I am a white being and my brother here is a black being also known as the Knight of Darkness and I'm known as the Paladin of Light we are here to challenge you and other people who see this realm I shall now challenge you then I'll restore you to full health to battle my bro lets get started now draw your weapon." *Said the white figure now called the Paladin of Light.*

"Okay I accept your challenge." *Said Trevor eager to fight*

To be continued...

[Celestial Link]

Okay editing grammar and spelling mistakes are fixed I fixed them with MS and now I'm moving on to the next thread please post comments up to at least 40 posts then can someone close this so I can keep moving ahead and make sure to post suggestions on the stories and stuff. I'm now opening editing part and I want this finished as soon as I have everything fixed before 40 then this can be closed or if it reachs 40 posts it should be closed good day.

~CL~
Currently working on part two of the saga as soon as ideas move into my head oh and please post suggestions on part two of the saga cause ideas would be good thank you. open for comments, suggestions, and grammar comments and suggestions.

Trevor Viso is currently on a vacation in Battle School as I plan so please make some suggestions cause he loves plot twists okay *Trevor Viso* "Please make suggestions I love plot twists and make sure to enjoy my story and give credit to my creator I am currently training and will look forward to part two and I look forward to future plot twists and suggestions good day."