[Safer] Benni's Training

Benni scrambles out of the abyss in search of hope. Hope to escape these monsters and to be healed from his sickness. hellfire consumed everything. He continually casts Water on himself so his valuable cloak doesn't catch on fire. With the final guardian slain, it was the final showdown with Lou. It ended here. Benni began to charge up a spell.
"You don't stand a chance against your master!" Shrieked Lou.
"I'll be damned if I don't get my vengance today!" Said Benni. "You killed my father!"
"No, Benni...I am your father!"
"That's not true! That's impossible!"
"No, it's not! Your mother is the grim reaper. Give me your mother's soul back!
Benni then cast missledoken, which blasted the army Lou's demons to the abyss. With Lou weak, Benni grabbed him by the throat and squeezed as hard as he could digging his cat claws deep in Lou's neck. Benni then cast Thor's Wrath with Lou in his cluches. Lou's head eventually fell off. Benni then consumed Lou's soul.
"My work here is done." Benni said while cleaning the black blood of this claws. "I should probably leave before someone notices." Of course, this couldn't go without notice. All of Lou's slaves were escaping and the demon's were pissed.
With Lou's goons after him, he casted Water on the demons themselves to slow them down. Smoke consumes the sky and blinded the demons from seeing where Benni is. Benni then escaped the mayhem and continues floating in the same direction. After several days of travel he eventually finds a dome. He hasn'tstopped in days and hopes to find some rest.
Inside, what looks to be a British poet who speaks with poetry, and seems to be fond of the letter "s". Benni aproaches the stranger with questions of his whereabouts and a remedy to save his immortal soul from the debths in which he came.

Welcome to the Beginner Class. I have a few things I want you to know.

First off, in Role Playing, we write in the past tense. It's a common mistake among beginners, so don't worry too much about it. Just be sure to write in that tense from now on.

Second, when speaking out of character (as in, you yourself is speaking outside of the post) you want to put "OoC:" and then type what you mean to type. When you wish to go back into the post, write "BiC:". BiC means back in character. Also, on that note, it's generally informal to break character in the middle of a post. At the beginning and/or end is where it is more widely accepted.

Third, your post lacks length and body. This is more or less the most common beginner problem, but it's also one of the more easier ones to remedy. All you have to do to lengthen your post a bit is describe things. Instead of hopping from key point to key point, describe what the area around Benni looks like, what Benni's thinking, or other things similar to that. Anything to fill in the gaps between those key events will help you fill out that post.

So, before you move on to the next lesson, I want you to go back through that post and edit it according to everything I've said above. Let me know when you have done this.

Is this good?