[Power Shot] Marmion's training

[nikuvillain]

The cool breeze gently blew over the young boy’s face. He slept against one of the many trees that lined the open field. The hill ground underneath him helped keep him cool under the hot sun. The young mage looked only to be ten years old, but he was much older than that. He rolled over in his sleep, holding onto his staff tightly. It’s the only thing he had left in the world. His beautiful pinkish hair flowed over his face, coving most of it.

“Hey girl,” an old voice called out to him. The old man stood next to his body, watching him sleep under the tree. He wore a very old pair of ripped jeans and a plain, gray, short sleeve shirt. His old hanging skin covered in dirt from working outside. “Hey young lady, wakeup,” he shouted, bending down next to him.

He heard the old man’s voice as he slept, but it didn’t knock him out of his dream. He rolled over again in the dirt holding tighter to his staff. The sun beamed down into his eyes now, from rolling out of the shade that the tree gave him. The old-timer hand shook while reaching out for the young mage’s body.

“Young miss, wake up. It not safe to be sleeping out here,” he said lightly moving his body. He felt the soft touch of the old man placing his hand on his shoulder. He slowly opened his eyes to the gentle movement of his body rocking. “Wake up now. It now safe for a young lady or any young one to be out here sleeping.” He smiled relaxing his hand on his knees.

The young caster didn’t find it odd or new being called a girl. His hair being the color and length that it was fooled some. And since his body was still so young it made things even harder. “I’m fine mister and I’m male,” he said pulling his hood over his head. “And I’m not as young as you think.” He stood up from the ground and dusted the dirt off his clothes.

“You still shouldn’t sleep in the middle of a field like that. You’re lucky I work these parts and saw you on my way to the well“

“Thank you sir, but I‘ll be going,” he said walking away from the old man that helped him out.

The old man got up from the ground still smiling. It had been a long time since he saw someone with so much potential of growing up to become something big. He watched as the young boy walked off away from him heading to Lake Omakula. Be careful young boy. The place you are heading to is dangerous.

***

The grassland flowed all the way into the lake its self. The odd clear water showed the small green leaves flapping along in the water. Very few fish lived in the water; keeping it clean. The odd young boy rested by the lake, watching the fish float along the waters edge. “Hello little fish. Can I drink some of your water?” he asked as if they could answer him. One of the large fish swam up close to the edge staring at the odd boy.

“You can talk to us?” it asked back, but only Marmion understood what he said. He could always talk to other things that normal humans couldn’t. He didn’t understand why, but it helped him out a lot.

“Yes, Mister Fish. Is that your family other there,” he said pointing over at the other fishes swimming around.

“You could say that I guess. We where all thrown inside this lake together, so you can say we are now a family,” the poor fish told him with sad eyes.

“Oh. I lost my real family too, so, I know how you feel. Can I drink some of your water?”

“Sure. Its nice talking to something other than a fish. You were given a very good gift.”

“Thanks Mr. Fish,” the mage said before drinking some of the water out of the lake. The water touching his skin cooled him down so much. The hot sun had been eating at his skin for so long that it felt good to touch something cool. He drank only a little bit of the water, enough to refresh him.

“Och. That hurt you jerk,” the sound of a female from behind him yelled. He guessed a tree from how it flowed into his ears. Something was trying to sneak up on him. The young guardian stood up, turned around to find ten men around him.

“One of you hurt my friend,” he said twirling his staff around in front of him. “Miss tree who hurt you?’ he asked stopping the staff, sending a fearful glare at the men.

“The middle one, in the red shirt and blue pants,” she cried out.

“Ok. It’ll be alright now,” he said building up a large amount of his powers inside his body. The power grew more and more inside him. A dark shadow begun to form underneath his body. His eyes glowed bright as he stared down the men. “You better run if you don’t wish to die,” he said not meaning any of it. The shadow grew, forming teeth and raised up for the ground.

The men ran for their lives, all of them, but one that stayed and ran toward the mage not fearing the shadow being at all. Marmion’s eyes grew wide as he saw the sword slice through his shadow and sent him flying into the water.

Splash…

The guardian body crashed into the lakes water. The liquid rose up like a tided wave eating his little body. It sank like a rock all the way to the bottom of the lake. His eyes were still wide open in shock and his body hit the muddy grass below him.

“Mister. You must get up!” The old fish yelled at him and he just blinked. A large bright light glowed under him and it pulled him down more. He felt his body sink deeper into the lake and then falling through the sky.

“What the?” he yelled spinning around to see he was free falling through the air. “Shadow!” he yelled as a hug mass of darkness formed under him, catching his body. He slammed into the dark mass and he rolled over to the edge.

The place below him, amazing, it’s the only word he could find for it. It was hug and with more life than anything, he had ever felt. He stood up staring at the wonderful garden below him. He also took note at all the staircases and floors the place had. It was truly a once in a lifetime sight. “Lets go,” he said riding the shadowboard down like a surfboard.

[Power Shot]

This was worded a bit strangely. It was also a bit bland, mostly because of some confusing diction at the beginning that made me lose interest. You need to grapple your reader so they focus through the entire piece. Other then that, the grammer is very good. Just work on your wording and you'll be fine.

Assignment Time!

Detail is the key as you arrive at the mighty Dome. The Dome is a place of history, where mighty warriors have trained and battles have been fought. As you walk through the hallowed halls of such a place, a Domerii appears to your surprise. This is the personal Domerii to the sensei known only as the Dark Eye, and he is there to inform you that the Dark Eye requests your presence in the library. The Domerii is something like a ghost, and has no real form, and he will vanish after he tells you this message. Find your way into the library.

The object of this assignment is to see how your diction and sentence flows work. 1,000 word minimum.

[nikuvillain]

OoC: Sorry about the wait, but things had been crazy and just keeping up with my normal posts have been hard.

IC: Wind gently stroked his cheeks and brushed the edges of his hair, gliding down into the strange garden. He found himself gliding down into an unknown garden that grew in an unknown place. He feared this place, but at the same time seemed relaxed by the peaceful scenery. The shadow-broad hovered just inches over the perfectly green grass that hid the dirt filled ground. Marmion stepped down on the grassland as the shadows behind him disappeared without a sign that it ever existence. The gentle breeze that slipped pass his face died down since he left the broad.

What an odd place this is. Everything is much bigger than it was up there, he thought glancing up from where he’d just come from. Odd. A look of wonder and mystery covered his face; seeing nothing, but a ceiling up above. Disappointing and interesting at the same time. I wonder how I got here then. Returning his sight back over to the bushes and trees that made up most of the garden. He strolled over to the large shrubs, letting his hand float cross the plants, feeling the smooth fresh leaves touching his inner palm.

A peaceful look came upon his face, as he smelt the peppery air around the bush. “Are you enjoying yourself?” a child like voice asked.

Marmion snapped his head around, quickly searching for who could have sneaked up on him. He listened in trying to hear anything that would talk to him. Nothing? Odd… he thought knowing that the something around him should be a live. “How old are you?” he asked, hoping part of the voices body would talk to him.

“Answering a question with a question. Hmm…” the young ghostly being replied.

A dim smoky gas flew pass his vision and throw the wall a few feet away from him. “A ghost?” the young mage questioned gripping his staff tightly in his hand.

“Nope,” the young Domerii replied. The echoing sounds of laugher surrounded the arena around him. He couldn’t found were the source of the noise was coming from.

“Who are you than?” Marmion asked scanning the ceiling and walls for anything strange or weird looking at all. He didn’t really have any clue what he was hoping to find in his search. “What do you want?”

Again he only heard the sweet sounds of laugher ring through his ears. Interesting, was all he thought giving up on trying to get some answers for now. He began walking towards the wall where he saw the smoky figure ahead.

The hallways he’d walked down where dark and cold with no sign of life anyway. The wall greasy and slimed filled as if water use to run them only a short while ago. It wasn’t everyday the mage felt unsafe and lone in the world just by walking down a few hall. He soon can to a stop viewing a hug wall that blocked his path.

He gently touched the stone wall; his hand could feel the markings that were carved into the stone. He moved his hand all along the wall getting a clear picture of what it might be. He formed a picture of two birds and what felt like them sitting on a log, but he couldn’t be sure. “I’ve never seen, well, felt anything like this.”

“It about as old as this place,” a young voice said walking down the hall. It sound like the voice he heard before, but the gassy figure didn’t match. It sounded the same, but it was clear to him the form was different.

“Who are you?” he asked again this time walking towards the ghost.

“Dark Eye wishes to see you in the library,” it said before disappearing off it a cloud of smoke. At the moment the sounds of chains and gears turning entered the mage’s ear and he felt the ground shake. Falling low to the ground and turning around where the wall was he could see the cause of the noise. The stone wall rose up off the ground opening the pathway for him. He didn’t know what to make out of all this.

His heart raced and he moved very slowly when the wall finally did stop moving. He stayed low keeping an eye on the heavy stone wall that now hovered over his head. He took small steps down the long dark hallway and for a long time of wondering he’d forgotten about what the little ghost told him.

It was only when he saw smoke burning from a torch that rested along the wall did he finally think about it. What did that little ghost say? he thought grabbing the burning stick of the. Good thing it sat so low. Now, what was it again? He asked himself continuing down the hall now making random turns around corners he could see.

“Oh right. Something about a library,” the little guardian said out loud now able to hear droplets of water in the distant. He felt as if he was walking through a cave now with the sound of water echoing in his ears. He even questioned if he really wasn’t dreaming as he made his way through the halls.

“Library, library. Where and how am I going to find it? It not like I’m going to run right into-” he said as his body begun to fall down through a hole in the ground. He quickly landed on the hard rocky bed that rested below the floor he was on.

The young mage rubbed he back as he sat up from the ground. This floor was even darker than the on below and he could only see the arena in switch the light from the fire covered. Grabbing the touch again and finding his staff and moved the touch around in hopes to find out where he was. He couldn’t see anything in the deep darkness that surrounded the place. Carefully taking steps he move around hoping to find a wall of some kind to follow. Looking down he found a set of stair that he walked up to see the word Library carved into the rock floor.