[Altamira] Rindley's training

[Peteman]

Rindley sat crossed-legged in the grass, both arms outstretched and fingers pointing forwards, staring intently at a rock the size of a brick. Slowly and steadily he released his magical energy through his left arm and towards the rock. He could feel its flow, it was warm and pleasant; like a breeze on a summer's day. The energy left his fingertips and began to surround the rock he was staring at. Invisible to everyone else; but he could see it, simply because it belonged to him. Rindley then lifted his arm upwards. The rock followed his movements and it rose into the air and stopped about a foot in the air. It was time for the hard part.

Keeping arm and rock suspended, Rindley turned his head and other arm to the right to face another rock. Immediately Rindley felt the affects of his shift in concentration. The magic power flowing through his left arm flickered and the rock dropped six inches. With an effort of mental co-ordination Rindley re-established the flow of magical power and the rock rose back to its original position. Attempting to repeat the process Rindley tried to send his magical energy through his other arm, and failed.

Just as he tried, the flow from his other arm ceased completely, and the rock fell to the floor with a dull thud leaving a small dent in the grass. A disappointed sigh came from Rindley’s mouth, who rearranged his position and pushed himself up of the ground. Two years he’d been working on kinetic based magic and in two years, in his own eyes at least, he hadn’t got very far. It was a slow process of endless practice, continually working on lifting and moving something higher, heavier, or faster. Despite Scantred’s telling him that he would not be able to do such a feat as moving two objects at a time Rindley had gone and tried anyway. It felt to him that Scantred was taking things far too slowly; it took two years for Scantred to teach him to master a basic magic missile. Scantred seemed far more eager to teach him more mundane things, such as history, geography, maths, science and even armed combat, but magic was something taught rarely and only with much in the way of nagging and persuasion.

Regardless of Rindley’s displeasure at the emphasis of the syllabus he had come to grow fond of and even love the old man. During tutoring he was strict and effective, during recreation he was a jolly man who found happiness in almost everything around him. What was strange though was the mask he put on in front of other people, when he would become bitter and cranky. Though he often wondered at his teacher’s odd behaviour he never sought to ask, thinking it rude.

With these thoughts running through his head, Rindley headed towards his boat, pulled ashore on the tiny island he was on. This island had become a place of refuge and contemplation for Rindley. All that was on it was grass and a single palm tree. It was so small that no one ever needed to go anywhere near it, not being more than five meters in diameter. Rindley would often go there to think over his lessons, practise magic, or just lie on his back and look at the clouds with a fishing line tied to his toe. The boat he owned was a small sail boat; a gift from his father. Nothing special to look at, but it did the job it was designed for and Rindley was proud of it. With a shove, he pushed the boat back into the ocean; his feet splashed in the water and clambered inside. With a strong breeze behind him, he made his way back to Pawprint Island.

As the island came into view Rindley was surprised to see Scantred waiting for him on edge of the island; he was supposed to be out shopping. What was the old man up to now? He thought of the various crackpot scenarios which the Scantred could and would likely do. Something was not right; it never was when Scantred, the rumoured great sorcerer, did something out of the ordinary. Not doing something he said he would do was very out of the ordinary. With a splash and a useless attempt by the sea to hamper his movements, Rindley dragged the boat on shore as well trying to give Scantred which hope he conveyed mild annoyance. Scantred himself looked rather…dismal. His whole body hung limp, like he was being up by a piece of string; even his beard visibly drooped.

“What’s got you looking so dismal you old codger?” Rindley asked sympathetically. Scantred sighed and drooped down even further. If he got any limper his beard would touch the floor. Something was clearly very very wrong and Rindley was getting worried.

“I’m sorry my boy,” the old man uttered, his usually jovial voice sounded very wet.

“For what?” Curiosity now came and sat itself down next to Worry in the forefront of his mind.

“For lying to you; I am not the great sorcerer you think I am.”

“You’re what!”

“It is true that I am the descendent of a sage and I do hold a very small amount of power. But being the descendent of a sage does not guarantee magical power. Only the chosen ones are given that power from the gods. That is why I have been slow to teach you magic. In a test of magical strength between you and me, you would win.” Rindley at this point tried to say something, but Scantred continued. ‘I am sure that it is not due to me but your own talent that you have advanced as far as you have.”

“W-Wait so your saying you can’t actually do magic? After all these years and you actually can’t do magic? So how in Din’s name have you been managing to teach me?”

“Luck and your talent; but don’t worry I have arranged for a new teacher. I have heard of a place called ‘The Dome’ I was contacted telepathically by one of the teachers who said they wanted to teach you.”

“‘The Dome?’ What’s ‘The Dome’?”

“I’m not exactly sure but you can get a real magic teacher their so now you must come with me.” Any questions were silence, so Rindley begrudgingly followed Scantred to the other side of the island; dragging his white wood staff behind him.

On the other side of the island there was a wooden door with a brass handle. Nothing around it just a door stood up in the middle of the grass. Rindley started to run to the door and had just gone past Scantred when a sharp pain exploded at the back of his head. And all went black.

[Altamira]

Until Duke returns from wherever, I'll be handling your training. So, here we go:

Punctuation issue here:

Rindley sat crossed-legged in the grass; both arms outstretched and fingers pointing forwards; staring intently at a rock the size of a brick.

While not necessarily wrong, you can go simpler here--use commas. The semicolons are a little distracting, and aren't needed for this. Reserve semicolons for longer sentences with lots of images, or ones that present several different ideas or drag on for lines. Semicolons are also useful for parallelism and contrasting things.

You used a semicolon properly here, but the sentence needs a little restructuring for the sake of flow:

He could feel its flow, it was warm and pleasant; a breeze on a summers day.

In the bolded part, you have a comma splice--you've connected two independent clauses (parts that could stand on their own as complete sentences) without a proper connector (a conjunction like "and" and a comma, a colon, dash, or semicolon.) Also, there's the small issue of a missing apostrophe.

It should read more like this:

He could feel its flow, warm and pleasant; like a breeze on a summer's day.

Here, because of the word "like", you don't even need the semicolon if you don't want to use it, but you can get away with it since it's a new image. If you take out the "like", then you do need the semicolon to connect things.

(If any of that's confusing, just let me know and I'll try explaining further. ^^;; )

Another flow issue here:

Invisible to everyone else, but he could see it, simply because it belonged to him.

This sentence sounds a little choppy/awkward around the bolded clause--I'd rephrase it or change up the punctuation before it.

Three options are:

Invisible to everyone else--but he could see it, simply because it belonged to him.

Invisible to everyone else; but he could see it, simply because it belonged to him.

It was invisible to everyone else, but not to him, simply because it belonged to him.

Personally, I'd go with the first or second, because the third, while just as clear, feels too wordy. Go with whichever suits you best.

More punctuation troubles here:

Keeping arm and rock suspended Rindley turned his head and other arm to the right; to face another rock.

A comma is needed after the bolded word, and the underlined semicolon should be deleted (with no punctuation to go in its place.) Reasons, you ask?

A comma is needed after "suspended", because the action of turning Rindley's head is happening simultaneously with the actions described there, and because you naturally take a pause after "suspended" when reading aloud.

The semicolon should be deleted and replaced with nothing because Rindley is turning his head and arm to face the rock (and no pause is needed there at all.) If you put a comma afterward, then that implies that the suspended arm and rock are turning to face another rock, and the "Rindley turned his head and other arm to the right" is just a detail or action thrown inbetween. The semicolon just signals that it's a different idea entirely, and calls for too long a pause. Read things aloud (or say the words in your mind while reading silently) to catch these complicated pacing/punctuation/flow things. ;]

Another comma/punctuation issue here:

Just as he tried the flow from his other arm ceased completely and the rock fell to the floor with a dull thud; leaving a small dent in the grass.

There are errors where I've bolded two things. Apply what I've talked about before and see if you can figure out what the solutions to these issues are (reading the sentence aloud may help.)

A couple of error heres:

A disappointed sigh fell from Rindley’s, who rearranged his position and pushed himself up off the ground.

The bolded "fell" here sounds awkward, and should be switched to "came".

And either you're missing a word after the underlined "Rindley's", or you should just make it "Rindley" with no apostrophe or "s".

I'll stop there and let you make the edits I've asked for to see if you grasp the concepts and grammar points we've discussed so far. Once you finish making the edits, post in the homeroom or PM me and I'll finish grading your post. :]

[Altamira]

Sorry for the long delay--things have been hectic. I'm...going to have to reassign you to some other TA, or take you on myself. I'm not sure which yet...but, we can worry about that a little later. ^^;;

Let's get back to work:

Missing comma here:

It was a slow process of endless practice, continually working on lifting and moving something higher, heavier or faster.

You have a list of three adjectives here--and so you need a comma after not only the first, as you have, but also the second. Commas should separate each item in every list of three or greater. ;]

Therefore, the sentence should read as:

It was a slow process of endless practice, continually working on lifting and moving something higher, heavier, or faster.

Small error here:

Despite Scantred’s telling him that he would not be able to do such a feat as moving to objects at a time Rindley had gone and tried anyway.

Bolded word is the wrong kind of two/to/too. It should be the number "two".

Comma issue here:

With these thoughts running through his head Rindley headed towards his boat, pulled ashore on the tiny island he was on.

You need a comma after this clause in order to show that the actions in the bolded part and the part that follows are happening at the same time. If you don't understand this, ask me and I'll explain further (reading the sentence aloud also helps by showing you were you would pause--therefore showing you where to place commas.)

A formatting issue here:

As the island came into view Rindley was surprised to see Scantred waiting for him on edge of the island; he was supposed to be out shopping. What was the old man up to now? He thought of the various crackpot scenarios which the Scantred could and would likely do. Something was not right; it never was when Scantred, the rumoured great sorcerer, did something out of the ordinary. Not doing something he said he would do was very out of the ordinary. With a splash and a useless attempt by the sea to hamper his movements, Rindley dragged the boat on shore as well trying to give Scantred which hope he conveyed mild annoyance. Scantred himself looked rather…dismal. His whole body hung limp, like he was being up by a piece of string; even his beard visibly drooped.
“What’s got you looking so dismal you old codger?” Rindley asked sympathetically. Scantred sighed and drooped down even further. If he got any limper his beard would touch the floor. Something was clearly very very wrong and Rindley was getting worried.
“I’m sorry my boy,” the old man uttered, his usually jovial voice sounded very wet.
“For what?” Curiosity now came and sat itself down next to Worry in the forefront of his mind.
“For lying to you; I am not the great sorcerer you think I am.”
“You’re what!”
“It is true that I am the descendent of a sage and I do hold a very small amount of power. But being the descendent of a sage does not guarantee magical power. Only the chosen ones are given that power from the gods. That is why I have been slow to teach you magic. In a test of magical strength between you and me, you would win.” Rindley at this point tried to say something, but Scantred continued. ‘I am sure that it is not due to me but your own talent that you have advanced as far as you have.”
“W-Wait so your saying you can’t actually do magic? After all these years and you actually can’t do magic? So how in Din’s name have you been managing to teach me?”
“Luck and your talent; but don’t worry I have arranged for a new teacher. I have heard of a place called ‘The Dome’ I was contacted telepathically by one of the teachers who said they wanted to teach you.”
“‘The Dome?’ What’s ‘The Dome’?”
“I’m not exactly sure but you can get a real magic teacher their so now you must come with me.” Any questions were silence, so Rindley begrudgingly followed Scantred to the other side of the island; dragging his white wood staff behind him.

While not necessarily wrong, your paragraphs would be easier to read with space between them like this:

As the island came into view Rindley was surprised to see Scantred waiting for him on edge of the island; he was supposed to be out shopping. What was the old man up to now? He thought of the various crackpot scenarios which the Scantred could and would likely do. Something was not right; it never was when Scantred, the rumoured great sorcerer, did something out of the ordinary. Not doing something he said he would do was very out of the ordinary. With a splash and a useless attempt by the sea to hamper his movements, Rindley dragged the boat on shore as well trying to give Scantred which hope he conveyed mild annoyance. Scantred himself looked rather…dismal. His whole body hung limp, like he was being up by a piece of string; even his beard visibly drooped.

“What’s got you looking so dismal you old codger?” Rindley asked sympathetically. Scantred sighed and drooped down even further. If he got any limper his beard would touch the floor. Something was clearly very very wrong and Rindley was getting worried.

“I’m sorry my boy,” the old man uttered, his usually jovial voice sounded very wet.

“For what?” Curiosity now came and sat itself down next to Worry in the forefront of his mind.

“For lying to you; I am not the great sorcerer you think I am.”

“You’re what!”

“It is true that I am the descendent of a sage and I do hold a very small amount of power. But being the descendent of a sage does not guarantee magical power. Only the chosen ones are given that power from the gods. That is why I have been slow to teach you magic. In a test of magical strength between you and me, you would win.” Rindley at this point tried to say something, but Scantred continued. ‘I am sure that it is not due to me but your own talent that you have advanced as far as you have.”

“W-Wait so your saying you can’t actually do magic? After all these years and you actually can’t do magic? So how in Din’s name have you been managing to teach me?”

“Luck and your talent; but don’t worry I have arranged for a new teacher. I have heard of a place called ‘The Dome’ I was contacted telepathically by one of the teachers who said they wanted to teach you.”

“‘The Dome?’ What’s ‘The Dome’?”

“I’m not exactly sure but you can get a real magic teacher their so now you must come with me.” Any questions were silence, so Rindley begrudgingly followed Scantred to the other side of the island; dragging his white wood staff behind him.

...And that's all the errors I'll point out for now. Fix up everything I've asked you to and then post in the homeroom or PM me to ask for your next lesson.

[Puck]

Hellllllllllllllllo~ Peteman.

As Super-boss-lady-Aiko-Chan said you are being assigned to a new TA. That TA would be me. Nice to meet you ^_^

I just felt obliged to inform you of this regime change, so you will be getting a new lesson once you complete what Milady asked of you. PM when your done. =3

Edit:

ASSIGNMENT TIME

Have Rindley awaken in a bed in the dome wit a doctor watching over him. Describe the doctor in at least two paragraphs and have them talk about whatever you want. After a little while have Rindley leave and search the dome for a little bit, end it with him finding a small child crying. Minimum word count: 1000.

[Peteman]

OoC: Er question, by 'describe the docter in at least two paragraphs' do you mean describe the docter with two paragraph's of text or do you mean introduce the docter before I've written two paragraphs?

[Puck]

Originally Posted by Peteman

OoC: Er question, by 'describe the docter in at least two paragraphs' do you mean describe the docter with two paragraph's of text or do you mean introduce the docter before I've written two paragraphs?

A two Paragraph description of him. How he acts, what he looks like. Stuff like that. They don't have to be long paragraphs.

[Peteman]

As Rindley regained consciousness came slowly into view. He was lying in a bed, face up, looking at a white ceiling. Sluggishly he attempted to sit up and get a better view of his surroundings, but pain shot through the back of his head. He winced and then gently, with one arm lifting up his head, felt where the pain had been. Their underneath his hair, was a massive lump. Whoever had hit him had hit him very hard.

“I wouldn’t try to move just yet,”

A man with warm comforting voice suggested from close by. Rindley couldn’t see him and decided it better to not try to turn his head and see him. He didn’t sound threatening, especially if he was the one who put him in this bed.

“But it is good to see you’re awake,”

Rindley could here the sound voice grow louder, the man was coming towards him. The man bent over Rindley but due to the brightness of the ceiling Rindley could not see his face.

“Here drink this,”

Rindley could feel something metallic pressed against his lips. Rindley opened his mouth at let the man pour a sweet watery liquid into his mouth with a metal spoon. The effects were immediate. Rindley could actually feel the bump on his head going down, he no longer felt sluggish but was alert and awake. He sat up and got a look at his healer for the first time.

The man was very tall with a handsome face. He had long white hair combed back behind his rather large pointy ears. Rindley would have thought him a Hylian had it not been for the pale yellow colour of his skin. He wore a long white coat of the kind Rindley knew alchemists wore. Rindley was at loss now for what to say. Looking around he was surrounded by pale turquoise curtains and could see nothing else of the room he was in. Looking back to one who healed him he meant to say ‘Who are you?’ But instead came out as,

“What are you?”

The man chuckled and replied,

“Me? Well I suppose in many places my kind would be known as ‘high elves’ or ‘sun elves’ or even ‘light elves’ but in our own tongue were I am from we are known as the Cindar and I am a Cindarin. And my name is Lycian,”

“Your own tongue, you mean you don’t speak Hylian?” Lycian chuckled again.

“No of course not, it’s part of the magic of this place!” As he said this Lycian raised his arms and looked up at the ceiling before looking back at Rindley. “Everyone hears everybody else in their own language no matter where they are from.”

“You said ‘this place’ but where exactly am I?”

“You sir, are in the hospital wing of ‘The Dome.” Lycian started to wander at the foot of Rindley’s bed with an excited smile on his face. “It is a place of wonders and delights, full of knowledge and adventure,” He then turned back to look at Rindley, “But it is essentially a school, you will at some point be assigned a teacher. What goes on from there is for you to discover.

“H-how did I get here?”

“You were found unconscious in a hall way. But it was strange, you had managed to be positioned with your satchel underneath your head and your cloak positioned over you like a blanket; like you had decided to go to sleep in the middle of the floor.”

“Satchel? I wasn’t carrying a satchel,”

“Well all you stuff is there,” Lycian pointed to a cabinet next to Rindley’s bed his, his staff was leaning against it. “Your fine now so feel free to get going whenever you feel like, safe travels and best of luck. Oh and I’ve put a bottle of that potion I gave you earlier in your satchel, you might need it you never know. Well good bye.” With that Lycian walked out of the curtained area and out of site.

Rindley shuffled out of the bed and sat on its side. He opened the cabinet door and inside was his hat, cloak, boots, and a satchel. With curiosity he bent over and picked up the brown leather satchel and looked inside. Inside was a loaf of bread, a glass bottle of amber coloured liquid (probably the potion Lycian gave him), some cheese, a water skin and a piece of paper. Opening the paper up, he noticed Scantred’s thin spidery handwriting. It was a letter or perhaps a hastily scrawled note.

‘Dearest Rindley

By the time you read this you should be long gone. I hope you can forgive my rather violent method of saying goodbye. But I knew that you would have never gone otherwise. I know that I have been unfulfilling in my role as a magic teacher. That is why I am sending you there to ‘The Dome’ so can you fulfil your dream. There I am sure you can become a great wizard. I leave you a gift, this satchel; I hope it will be useful in your travels into the unknown. I have packed some food and water for you. It should last about three days if you are careful. Now farewell and stay safe may the three goddesses watch over you.

With best wishes,
Scantred.'

Slowly Rindley folded up the letter and cried.


Moments passed and after a while Rindley wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He then put on his boots, placed his hat on his head, slung the Satchel over his shoulders, and clipped his cloak over his shoulders. Finally he picked up his staff, leaning on it heavily, and walked out from the curtains. Looking around he could see he was in a big, angular, stone room. On either side were many more curtains surrounding beds. Some were closed some empty. There was no sign if Lycian, so Rindley decided to walk around until he met somebody and walked out the door at the far end of the room.

He found himself in a long corridor with light stream in from many arched windows to his left. The air was warm and dry. Opposite the windows were paintings. All of which depicted some kind of battle. Men in armour fighting dragons or other men in black armour and such like. But one in particular caught his imagination. It was two wizards, one in blue the other in black, each standing on tall pointed rock, surrounded with energy firing it at the other. If only he could one day be that powerful. After admiring the paintings for quite some time he continued down the long hallway. After a while he began to notice a strange sound, like a child crying. He sped up his walk down the corridor. And there in the corridor he was a sight he had never seen. Something green and scaly with bat wings was curled up in a ball and crying in the corner. What astonished him even more was that such a creature appeared to be wearing clothes. A red short sleeved shirt and some kind of short blue trousers. He had seen pictures of dragons before in books. But never had he seen a real one. Now here was a young dragon, in clothes, and crying. Cautiously Rindley approached it.

[Puck]

Originally Posted by Peteman

As Rindley regained consciousness came slowly into view. He was lying in a bed, face up, looking at a white ceiling. Sluggishly he attempted to sit up and get a better view of his surroundings, but pain shot through the back of his head. He winced and then gently, with one arm lifting up his head, felt where the pain had been. Their underneath his hair, was a massive lump. Whoever had hit him had hit him very hard.

"to" would have worked better here, instead of "and"

Two things wrong with the bolded line. Firstly; I think you used the wrong "there/their" but it would looked much better without the word at all. And secondly; the comma there is unneeded.

“I wouldn’t try to move just yet,”

A man with warm comforting voice suggested from close by. Rindley couldn’t see him and decided it better to not try to turn his head and see him. He didn’t sound threatening, especially if he was the one who put him in this bed.

“But it is good to see you’re awake,”

The first quote should be combined with the larger paragraph.

Rindley could here the sound voice grow louder, the man was coming towards him. The man bent over Rindley but due to the brightness of the ceiling Rindley could not see his face.

“Here drink this,”

"Here" should be "hear"

Rindley could feel something metallic pressed against his lips. Rindley opened his mouth at let the man pour a sweet watery liquid into his mouth with a metal spoon. The effects were immediate. Rindley could actually feel the bump on his head going down,* he no longer felt sluggish but was alert and awake. He sat up and got a look at his healer for the first time.

Watery is Redundant since we already know it's a liquid. You can't really pour with a spoon...

Add a conjoining word here or change the comma to a period.

The man was very tall with a handsome face. He had long white hair combed back behind his rather large pointy ears. Rindley would have thought him a Hylian had it not been for the pale yellow colour of his skin. He wore a long white coat of the kind Rindley knew alchemists wore. Rindley was at loss now for what to say. Looking around he was surrounded by pale turquoise curtains and could see nothing else of the room he was in. Looking back to one who healed him he meant to say ‘Who are you?’ But instead came out as,

“What are you?”

Once again you need to add the quote to the end of a paragraph. You only need to make a new paragraph when a new person is speaking, thus it is okay to add the quote to the paragraph.

The man chuckled and replied,

“Me? Well I suppose in many places my kind would be known as ‘high elves’ or ‘sun elves’ or even ‘light elves’ but in our own tongue were I am from we are known as the Cindar and I am a Cindarin. And my name is Lycian,”

“Your own tongue, you mean you don’t speak Hylian?” *Lycian chuckled again.

This should start the paragraph, not be in one of its own.

were should be where.

*For some reason you have a double space here...

“No* of course not, it’s part of the magic of this place!” As he said this Lycian raised his arms and looked up at the ceiling before looking back at Rindley.** “Everyone hears everybody else in their own language no matter where they are from.”

“You said ‘this place’ but where exactly am I?”

*Should have a comma here.
**And here.

“You sir, are in the hospital wing of ‘The Dome.*” Lycian started to wander at the foot of Rindley’s bed with an excited smile on his face.** “It is a place of wonders and delights, full of knowledge and adventure,” He then turned back to look at Rindley, “But it is essentially a school, you will at some point be assigned a teacher. What goes on from there is for you to discover. **

“H-how did I get here?”

*This Should be a comma.
**As should this
***And you forgot an end quote here.

“You were found unconscious in a hall way.* But it was strange, you had managed to be positioned with your satchel underneath your head and your cloak positioned over you like a blanket; like you had decided to go to sleep in the middle of the floor.”

*Should be a comma, and "But" should have a lowercase "B".

“Satchel? I wasn’t carrying a satchel,”

“Well all you stuff is there,” Lycian pointed to a cabinet next to Rindley’s bed his, his staff was leaning against it.* “Your fine now so feel free to get going whenever you feel like, safe travels and best of luck. Oh and I’ve put a bottle of that potion I gave you earlier in your satchel, you might need it you never know. Well good bye.**” With that Lycian walked out of the curtained area and out of site.

*You need a Comma here.
**And here.

Rindley shuffled out of the bed and sat on its side. He opened the cabinet door and inside was his hat, cloak, boots, and a satchel. With curiosity he bent over and picked up the brown leather satchel and looked inside. Inside was a loaf of bread, a glass bottle of amber coloured liquid (probably the potion Lycian gave him), some cheese, a water skin *and a piece of paper. Opening the paper up, he noticed Scantred’s thin spidery handwriting. It was a letter or perhaps a hastily scrawled note.

*Comma here.

‘Dearest Rindley

By the time you read this you should be long gone. I hope you can forgive my rather violent method of saying goodbye. But I knew that you would have never gone otherwise. I know that I have been unfulfilling in my role as a magic teacher. That is why I am sending you there to ‘The Dome’ so can you fulfil your dream. There I am sure you can become a great wizard. I leave you a gift, this satchel; I hope it will be useful in your travels into the unknown. I have packed some food and water for you. It should last about three days if you are careful. Now farewell and stay safe may the three goddesses watch over you.

With best wishes,
Scantred.'

Slowly Rindley folded up the letter and cried.

Nothing really wrong here, but "With best Wishes," and "Scantred," should be on the right not the left.

Moments passed and after a while Rindley wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He then put on his boots, placed his hat on his head, slung the Satchel over his shoulders, and clipped his cloak over his shoulders. Finally he picked up his staff, leaning on it heavily, and walked out from the curtains. Looking around he could see he was in a big, angular, stone room. On either side were many more curtains surrounding beds. Some were closed* some empty. There was no sign if Lycian, so Rindley decided to walk around until he met somebody and walked out the door at the far end of the room.

Ehhhh...That rather repetitive.

*Add a comma and "were" here to keep with the flow.

Bolded should be "Of"

Change "and walked" to "walking" it's less confusing that way.

He found himself in a long corridor with light stream in from many arched windows to his left. The air was warm and dry. Opposite the windows were paintings. All of which depicted some kind of battle. Men in armour fighting dragons or other men in black armour and such like. But one in particular caught his imagination. It was two wizards, one in blue the other in black, each standing on tall pointed rock, surrounded with energy firing it at the other. If only he could one day be that powerful. After admiring the paintings for quite some time he continued down the long hallway. After a while he began to notice a strange sound, like a child crying. He sped up his walk down the corridor. And there in the corridor he was a sight he had never seen. Something green and scaly with bat wings was curled up in a ball and crying in the corner. What astonished him even more was that such a creature appeared to be wearing clothes. A red short sleeved shirt and some kind of short blue trousers. He had seen pictures of dragons before in books. But never had he seen a real one. Now here was a young dragon, in clothes, and crying. Cautiously Rindley approached it.

Huge Paragraph there...split it up if at all possible.

The underlined part at the begining is all very short choppy sentences, try to find a way to combine the sentences to help with the flow.

"If only he could be that powerful one day," Sounds much nicer.

Ehh, thats very repetitive, try swiching Corridor with something else on one of those occasions.

Okay that is all for now. Fix that and then Post here telling me you have done so. Also I am going to give you a reading Assignment, I would like you to read To Risk it all, Keeping in mind sentence structure, and Character Personalities.

Also you will be taught by Tsuukai, so read up on 'em.