[Power Shot] Daniel's Training

[Angry Youth]

OoC: Alright first lesson. Here goes:

BiC:
Daniel was tired; he was dead tired. He was three days out from his home-city of Marigold, low on food, and even lower on water. His steel toed boots scuffed the ground with every step, fatigued by this hard travel. The rogue was traveling west across an endless golden prairie, baked by the sun’s temperamental rays. Up ahead he saw a rarity; a lone tree stood about twenty feet off the path.

"Shade," he muttered. He ambled towards the lone giant, collapsing underneath it. With hasty movements he ripped his flask from out of his pack and took a cold, clear gulp. Now it was only a quarter full. Cursing his luck, he laid down his pack and rested his head upon it.

Wholly exhausted, he passed out into a long, troubled sleep.

Horses pawed the ground, and wagon wheels rolled by. Dan awoke with a start. It was dark now; the sun had finally, completely, set; but for some reason, light was still shining. Disoriented, he laid still and watched the road. A motley caravan of ten wagons rolled by, lit torches - which supplied this illumination - bracketed on to every third vehicle. The occupants of the caravan were singing a strange foreign tune, filled with revelry and merriment.

"Gypsies?" breathed Daniel, careful not to call attention to himself. He saw a chance to get where he was going faster, so carefully, silently, he put his pack on. He silently dashed from under the darkened tree and hopped onto the back of the last wagon. They still sang their merry tune for another hour.

At the end of the hour the man driving the first wagon yelled out, "Camp here?" The other drivers responded with definite aye’s. Daniel jumped off the back and spread his feet as he landed, muffling a dull thump.

The wagons pulled off the road and formed a tight defensible circle; the wayward thief watched them from a distance. The men got off of their high seats and started to make a fire from bundled firewood. They started to pass around a flask of rotgut, and started to tell wondrous sagas of heroic deeds and ages long gone past.

Within an hour they were all asleep.

Daniel snuck through the encampment; he already had his target picked out. It was the most extravagant looking wagon of them all. Painted burgundy, trimmed with gold paint, it was improbable that there were no items of value inside.

He carefully opened it’s side door, and glanced in. No one was inside, but he saw strange things. There were bowls of powdered bone, many chalices filled with strange and bubbling liquids, and few tomes haphazardly thrown about.

The rogue stepped in. "What are you doing here?!" He turned around to see a strange wisp of a woman standing behind him.

"Witc-!" he started to scream, but she plugged a wet cloth sprinkled with some strange aroma in his mouth. He fell over stone cold.

[Power Shot]

Okay, let's get the technical details fixed.

First, you misspelt 'snuck' as 'snuk'. 'Sidedoor' is two words.

The other drivers responded with definite ‘aye’s.

The 'aye' here is not fully quotated.

Fix these, but I liked the story here. Good pacing for a newbie.

[Angry Youth]

Alright I did all you asked, and thanks for the compliment