[Altamira] Tera's Training

[Sabbo]

OoC: This follows after Tera's encounters in the deadlands. You'll get what I mean if you read up to post #18 there.

BiC: Within the void, there was nothing - neither light nor darkness, nor forward or backward, nor left or right. Nothing. Tera did not know how long she had floated there, for there was no time there either.

Remembering the last time she saw the real world, she could recall seeing another Tera yelling at her into the void. Without sound, all she could understand of it were the last two words: "way out". Then, there was nothing again.

During the "time" she had been in the void, Tera had had time to think. Tera thought it was safe to assume that it was "find a way out" which the other Tera had said, albeit with a few more words tacked on at the start, but all of her efforts to escape had been fruitless so far.

Her time to think however had inevitably led her to ponder the nature of the void; it seemed to be both infinite and infinitesimal, so escape would probably not lie in being in a certain location within the void. The void was created from the mix of her magick's chaotic energies, and the unknown construct of an illusion formed from music, although how an illusion created something with which one could interact was beyond what Tera knew.

"If the illusion was created magically though, then when my magicks mixed with the magical illusion, it could have resulted in..." Tera took a while to continue her train of thought, "...an instability, thus leading me into this void."

Tera began to speak aloud, or would have, were there any sound here, "If this void was already here though, then logically, so must something else."

Remembering that when she last saw the real world, she had tried to will herself there just beforehand; Tera decided to use a different approach to her situation this time: she would will herself to elsewhere within the void.

Using all of her meditative focus, and without knowing any part of the void except where she currently was, Tera could only will herself to "not here".

And she was gone.

---

Tera woke up in a large, rectangular, off-white colored room, which had ornate columns at equidistant intervals around the edge of the room, and a woman who seemed to be seated at a reception desk on the far wall.

"Where... am I..?" Tera mumbled groggily.

Somehow able to hear her from so far away, the receptionist said in boring monotone, "You are in The Dome; you arrived here about two hours ago, Earth Time." She seemed tired saying that, which probably meant that she said something along those lines very often.

Tera got up and walked to the receptionist slowly, "Where exactly am I? Last I remembered, I was in an endless void, and I certainly don't remember trying to come here... And do you have any idea why I'm limping so badly? I wasn't limping before I came here."

Again in monotone, the receptionist replied, "The Dome is everywhere and anywhere, it can be reached from anywhere, no matter which planet, universe or even dimension you are in. Since you have reached here, that means that you were willing to put in all your effort to try to get here. Now that you are here, you can begin training to utilize this effort in improving yourself in any and all ways. And you are limping because you appeared here at the ceiling. Next time, try the door," She pointed to a large door on the far end of the room, "if you ever wish to leave, that door should return you to where you came from."

"Training..." Tera thought, "that could be useful." Facing the receptionist, Tera asked, "How do I sign up?"

"You already have," came the reply.

OoC - I like coloring my RPs

EDIT OoC - Just some points on why I wrote the way I did:

1- (parallel structure) For this one, your edit is undoubtably an improvement, although I think that it could be improved further. As I see it however, this would require another pair of opposites (which I can't think of).

2- ('time') I had thought I should use this because it was not actually a quote, merely an ironic point referring to the lack of time's existance within the void. But you'd probably know more about good punctuation than me.

3- (paragraphing) I guess I had put each of these pairs of paragraphs together because they are more closely related to eachother than others... I hope that that sentence made sense?

4- ("end of quote.") Hmmm... I was taught that at the end of a person talking, a full stop/period should be put there, while a comma is only put there if the person continues to talk later. Perhaps this is a cultural difference?

[Altamira]

Okay, let's start:

First, an issue with what's called parallel structure:

Within the void, there was nothing - neither light nor darkness, no forward or backward, left or right. Nothing. Tera did not know how long she had floated there, for there was no time there either.

You begin a rhythm here, with the listing of things, and you start it off using "nor". Therefore, to keep that rhythm going, the rest should read like this:

Within the void, there was nothing - neither light nor darkness, nor forward or backward, nor left or right. Nothing. Tera did not know how long she had floated there, for there was no time there either.

Read this aloud to yourself. Then read your original version. Do you hear how this one flows better?

Here's another example of an error in parallel structure that might help you understand:

Johnny ate an apple, was going to the newsstand, and has bought a magazine.

Read that to yourself--it doesn't sound right, eh? Now, this is the same sentence fixed to make it have a correct parallel structure:

Johnny ate an apple, went to a newsstand, and bought a magazine.

When the parts of a list like that all have agreeing verb forms, it has parallel structure, and the rhythm of the sentence is greatly improved.

Don't worry if you don't understand this now--we'll work on it more later if you need to. ;]

Punctuation error here:

During the 'time' she had been in the void, Tera had had time to think.

You only use those quotes around a word when you're writing a quote inside of a quote (for example: Katie said, "Mom told me you have to 'clean your room or you can't go to the movies!' ")

For this situation, the word "time" should be in those double quotation marks, as I have it in this very sentence.

Formatting issue here:

During the 'time' she had been in the void, Tera had had time to think. Tera thought it was safe to assume that it was "find a way out" which the other Tera had said, albeit with a few more words tacked on at the start, but all of her efforts to escape had been fruitless so far.
Her time to think however had inevitably led her to ponder the nature of the void; it seemed to be both infinite and infinitesimal, so escape would probably not lie in being in a certain location within the void. The void was created from the mix of her magick's chaotic energies, and the unknown construct of an illusion formed from music, although how an illusion created something with which one could interact was beyond what Tera knew.

You should be hitting enter in-between every paragraph, leaving a line of space to separate each one. This set of two therefore should look like this:

During the 'time' she had been in the void, Tera had had time to think. Tera thought it was safe to assume that it was "find a way out" which the other Tera had said, albeit with a few more words tacked on at the start, but all of her efforts to escape had been fruitless so far.

Her time to think however had inevitably led her to ponder the nature of the void; it seemed to be both infinite and infinitesimal, so escape would probably not lie in being in a certain location within the void. The void was created from the mix of her magick's chaotic energies, and the unknown construct of an illusion formed from music, although how an illusion created something with which one could interact was beyond what Tera knew.

This same error appears later in the post, so find that and fix it as well.

Capitalization issue here:

Remembering that when she last saw the real world, she had tried to will herself there just beforehand; Tera decided to use a different approach to her situation this time: She would will herself to elsewhere within the void.

The "s" of "she" should be lowercase--it's not the beginning of a new sentence, but merely part of the sentence that follows the colon.

And there's one more error worth pointing out:

"You already have." came the reply.

There should be a comma, not a period here, so that it reads as:

"You already have," came the reply.

That's all for this post. Nice work! I think for now I'll be teaching you with Louis Fritz, as there are still a few things we need to work on before moving onto more stylistic aspects of writing. Fix the errors I've pointed out to you, and then I'll give you a new lesson as soon as I can.

[Sabbo]

All fixed, with some extra comments at the bottom.

[Altamira]

Okay, I'd just like to respond first before we continue:

2- ('time') I had thought I should use this because it was not actually a quote, merely an ironic point referring to the lack of time's existance within the void. But you'd probably know more about good punctuation than me.

This is a silly example, but...have you ever seen anyone do "air quotes" when they're speaking sarcastically about something? They use two fingers on each hand to do that, don't they? One pair to open and one pair to close the ironic word or phrase. It's the same case in writing, unless it's being done within dialogue.

3- (paragraphing) I guess I had put each of these pairs of paragraphs together because they are more closely related to eachother than others... I hope that that sentence made sense?

The relation does not matter--you either format the same as the others, or combine them into one. ;]

4- ("end of quote.") Hmmm... I was taught that at the end of a person talking, a full stop/period should be put there, while a comma is only put there if the person continues to talk later. Perhaps this is a cultural difference?

Well, I'm quite confident that it's just a general English rule. I've had other Australian students (HitokiriChibi, for one) who have expressed no confusion or issue with this. ^^;;

[Sabbo]

Ah, I get it now. Thanks for clarifying.

[Altamira]

Lesson time!

Tera will get swept along with a strange group that enters the lobby, and find herself too deeply embedded in the fast-moving crowd of people to do anything but keep up with their pace and follow along. These people will be touring the Dome, and looking into important rooms (like the main library, main cafeteria, etc., be creative with what they see), and meeting various people. I want you to use lists in this lesson--describe things at length and in complex sentences with many clauses. If you've ever read any old epic poems or stories and had one of those "catalogues" of items thrown at you, that would be like this--list what you see people doing, what they're wearing, etc. Whatever comes to mind. Just try to keep a good handle on parallel structure--that's our focus here.

At the end of this tiring tour, have Tera and the group meet Louis Fritz, Tera's teacher, and have the two have a brief conversation. 850 words minimum.

[Sabbo]

OoC: It's been more than a month, but here it is.
I know I told you in the homeroom Aiko, but just in case anybody else reads this, I should refer them to my character fiction's story "The First Meeting" to explain why this is no longer Tera's training, but now Raven's training. "The First Meeting" takes place between the first post in this thread and this post.

Ouch. I just word counted this, and it is my longest piece to date by more than double. 2261 words within the BiC section.


BiC: As an aged wooden door closed behind her, Raven was thinking about what was in store for her at the Dome. What kind of things will they teach here? Will it be like the Royal Academy my old tutor Modenhal sometimes talked about; hundreds of students running about, hurrying to classrooms with twenty times as many students as there are teachers, each to learn things like Philosophy, Alchemic Theory, and Literature? Or perhaps more hands-on than that, and learning things like Archery, Acrobatics and Ninjutsu?

Raven glanced at the domed ceiling; what kind of people will I meet? If there are so many creatures that can be painted on that dome... which ones could I meet here? Perhaps people with the wings of a swan, or with the tail of a dragon? People with the ears and whiskers of a cat, or the body and legs of a horse?

Raven looked at the lady behind the desk sitting on the other side of the room; What kind of teacher will I have? A brave and chivalric warrior who can stand up to anything and anyone, always doing what's best for the student? Or a sly and crafty trickster with few morals stopping them from deceiving a student, just to get a point across? Or perhaps a mage who could reveal their deep knowledge in the right circumstances, to shed new light on a difficult problem? Raven thought about it, and decided that a magician tutor would be her preferred teacher, as long as they knew of the magicks Raven could wield.

Lost deep in her own mind, Raven did not hear a crowd of people enter the room, and by the time she first noticed them, they already surrounded her. Raven couldn't count how many figures had just encircled her, but she estimated that there were at least 50 people in the room now, led by a tall, blue-haired man in a similarly colored trenchcoat.

"Now that we are all gathered, the tour can begin," the blue man announced, "and remember: no littering, no running, no eating, no flying, no gossiping, no magic, no weapons, no wandering off, no slowing down, and finally, no questions... unless I say so," and with that, the man quickly led the group through the nearest door, leaving Raven helpless to do anything but follow.

Raven was overwhelmed by the enormity of the Dome; the group walked along a corridor that was about three metres wide and had doors of every sort you could imagine, lined on each side of the hallway. There was a wooden green door with a gold trim on the right, and a circular metal door on the left; a small glass door with a tiny piano inset on the right, and a blue door with two windows at the top on the left. Raven was clearly awestruck by the simple complexity of this school's organization.

"The structure of the Dome is subject to change at any time without warning, and although each door will lead to the same room it always has, the location of each door may change relative to the other doors," the blue man said as he walked, "for example, do you see that ricepaper door up ahead? Well, yesterday that was next to a mousehole, but now it is next to an airlock-styled door."

As the group passed the doors the man in blue had mentioned, Raven decided to peek inside the ricepaper door. The room within had walls similar to the door, and inside she saw a man in white robes sitting quietly in front of a large golden statue; he must be meditating she thought. At least, she thought that until the statue stood up and prepared to punch the man. Although quickly, the man calmly rose to his feet and kicked the statue through the wall behind it. Raven was impressed.

"No wandering off!" the man leading the tour group yelled.

"Sorry!" Raven shouted as she ran back to the group.

"You are not allowed to disturb other people's training. Each student must face their own problems, and without unnecessary distraction."

"That was a training session? It looked more like a trap to me!"

"Training comes in many forms; you will come to know this as you train here," the blue man explained. "Now, on with the tour."

The tourguide directed the group into a room with a plastic door, opaque from all of the humidity within, "This is our tropical habitation room; it is a place where most of our insectoid creatures, a few of our avian creatures, and a number of our aquatic creatures have called home," the guide told the tourgroup.

"Why would you have so many insentient creatures here in the Dome?" Raven asked curiously.

"To include as part of the training of course; very few people here, let alone teachers, can just create living beings which have a mind of their own. Using particularly interesting creatures as part of training can pose a new challenge... like having a draconic student come up against a kraken."

"I guess that that's useful then." Raven looked away from the blue-clothed man and instead took in the beauty of the tropical location in which she stood. It was a tripartite room - the upper third being roofless, open air and the canopies of trees, where the birds flew around and rested; the lower third being a unmoving pool of water, where dark shapes could be seen swimming in the only slightly lighter liquid; and the middle third being dirt for the non-flying or swimming creatures to commute, as well as the wooden boardwalk on which the group was looking from.

After the group was led out of the room, they were quickly led into the closest room on the other wall of the hallway, "This training room is currently unused," the tourguide explained, "and has been allowed to be shown to us in its natural state, through permission of those who oversee the Dome's functioning."

The guide opened the plain white door and showed everyone into the lightless room, "No one I know is fully sure how these rooms work," he described to the group, "but I can tell you that there is nothing in this room, including walls, and hence if you tried to go in any one direction for as long as your life could take you, you would never reach an end."

"That's impossible!" one aging woman at the rear of the group yelled.

"Really? What is 'impossible'," the blue man responded, "except something which you cannot fathom?" without waiting for an answer, the man continued, "also, before we get sidetracked, I must add to there being no walls, that there is no floor either," the man walked downwards as if descending stairs, "and on a similar point... do you all remember that door you came through?" The tourgroup glanced toward where they entered, only to see, or rather, not see, the doorway.

"What did you do to the door?" the aged woman demanded.

"Nothing; it was never there to begin with;" the man explained to the group, "luckily, our records say that one of you here has the ability to translocate us all to outside this room... would Tokichi Fuyin please make himself known?"

The group was silent.

"Oh ****," the tourguide said quietly; although amidst the silence it was loud enough for everyone to hear clearly, "I had forgotten that he was unable to come on the tour... that means we're stuck here until this room is reactivated, which is not until tomorrow."

After a few seconds, Raven stepped forward, "Umm... I may be able to get us out of here, but I'm not sure if being inside the Dome will change how this will work..."

"That's strange, our records of you don't include any ability allowing relocation... what could you possibly do which could get us out of here?" the tourguide queried.

"I'll show you," and Raven opened a portal into the void, but knew this time to direct it into the Dome specifically. "This should lead to just outside the door we entered"

"This is very interesting," the blue-coated man said as he entered the portal, "the head-librarian will want to know about this."

How could I tell the librarian about it if I barely know what it is? Raven wondered as the tourgroup stepped through the portal, Or perhaps the librarian can figure out what it is on his own, and tell me?

When Raven had stepped through the portal and waited for the guide to count everybody, she returned the portal to her bolo and walked with the group as the guide led them further down the hallway

"Ah, what luck; the library door is closer today," the blue man said has he approached a book-shaped door, "Within this room is every piece of literature ever made; you may browse freely while the librarian studies Tera's portal. This is the end of the tour however; the cafeteria can be reached through the door adjacent to this one, and that will be where you should be able to find your teacher. Good luck everybody."

"That's all good and such, but I go by the name Raven now," She commented, "it makes it less confusing when I'm with the other me."

The tourguide opened the book-door. "I was told that your name was Tera though; why do you call yourself Raven?"

"Well, my full name is R'keltera Thirav'n, and when I was split into two people, we made a decision that I would use part of the surname - Rav'n - while my other self continued to go by the section of the first name - Tera." Raven explained as she entered the library.

"I see..." the guide said as he led Raven past dozens of aisles of bookshelves twenty metres high and extending into the distance as far as the eye could see. "Well, I'm sure that that shouldn't be a problem."

Raven could see the head-librarian as he stood upon a circular disc floating about a foot off the ground. The long-bearded man was rather short and plump, probably only two or three feet tall (and nearly as wide), and was wearing a long flowing robe which shimmered between many different shades of red. The robe was longer than the man was tall, and so hung off the edge of the disc. The disc itself was slightly wider than the man who stood upon it, and it gave off a slight blue glow on its underside.

The librarian kept looking to a nearby screen. "You want me to examine your portals, don't you Raven?" the old man asked, seeming to know what she was thinking, "I can do that; but you must show me the portal in its natural state - how you first saw the portal."

"...Okay... sure," Raven replied as she made the portal connect directly to the void.

The old man floated around the portal on his disc, "You seemed... to have made something... similar to them... but not quite..." the librarian trailed words a few times while studying the portal, but, surprising Raven, suddenly swung around to face her, "would you permit me to study this further? Your creation is quite strange... I must know more about it."

"Strange? I guess... this portal was first created just before I came to the Dome - I absorbed an illusion into my bolo, and tried to bring it back out as a mirror; the result was the portal," Raven explained. "But yes, I think it would be okay for you to study the portal; you can even borrow the bolo I was keeping it in."

"That's very interesting... And yes, thank you for the bolo, it should be quite helpful."

Raven waved goodbye to the librarian and tourguide, and found the cafeteria door. The door looked like a muffin, the head of the muffin being icing of a bright shade of pink, with everything below the head of the muffin being long brown plastic strips which waved in and out of the doorway, even without any breeze to push them.

Beyond the doorway was a vast room with at least two hundred creatures of nearly as many species as there were beings in the room. In the midst of all the talking of so many people however, Raven could hear rythmic sounds being played just a short distance away. She followed what she could hear, and found a man in a whitish shirt and dark red vest sitting on a chair with a fiddle under his chin.

In an interlude, Raven asked the man for help, "umm... excuse me mister, but I'm new here, and I was told that my teacher would be in this room... but there's just too many people here. Could you help me...please?"

"Sure," the fiddler answered, "I've been around here a while, so I might know who you're assigned to; may I ask your name?"

"I'm Raven now, but I used to use the name Tera, and my full name is R'keltera... do any of those ring a bell?"

"Yes, in fact; all three are familiar."

"Really? Who's my teacher then? Can you point them out?"

"My name is Louis Fritz," he said as he pointed to himself.

"Thanks for the introduction Louis, but could you please direct me to where my teacher is?" Raven replied in frustration.

"But I am." He smiled.

"You are? But you're poin-" Raven trailed off as she realized the truth; "...oh."


OoC:I put Literature in there near the start as an ironic point to what is actually being taught (you're helping me improve my writing skills), and I put Ninjutsu in there because I think Ninjas are cool.
The creatures referenced in the next paragraph after that are of course an angel, an imp, a neko, and a centaur.
"Simple complexity" was intended to be there as an oxymoron, and refers to how orderly everything is (everything seems to have a door), and yet also how complicated everything is (every door is different, and the location of the doors change).
I've got a feeling that the paragraph describing the librarian could be improved, but I'm not sure how.
If it's okay with you, I'd like to have the tourguide and librarian feature in a later part of Raven's training; perhaps 4 or 5 assignments away at the soonest. They can get names then. Tokichi Fuyin might get a mention too, but I have no reservations of when.
Gah; I'm still not sure about how Louis was done. (and were "rythmic" & "interlude" the right words to use?)
The end feels a bit rushed, but I'll leave it how it is.

Y'know, it's really surprising how few people continue their training after the first one or two assignments. I don't intend to be one of those people.

[Altamira]

Let's start!

A picky issue here:

Raven was overwhelmed by the enormity of the Dome; the group walked along a corridor that was about 3 metres wide and had doors of every sort you could imagine, lined on each side of the hallway.

As a general rule of thumb, you should always write out any number up to (and including) ten. I usually write most, if not all, numbers out completely, but I will only ask that you do so for those up to ten.

This little problem repeats itself elsewhere in the post--find that and fix it as well (it's in the part describing the library.)

A punctuation issue here:

The room within had walls similar to the door, and inside she saw a man in white robes sitting quietly in front of a large golden statue, he must be meditating she thought; at least, she thought that until the statue stood up and prepared to punch the man.

You should use a semicolon before the bolded piece (or start a new sentence) to transition into Raven's thoughts--otherwise it's too disjointed from the part of the sentence that precedes it.

Small typo here, which I point out only for the sake of reminding you to be on the lookout for these:

"Training comes in many forms; you will come to now this as you train here," the blue man explained. "Now, on with the tour."

The bolded word should be "know".

And that's all for errors. *applauds* Wonderful piece--I truly enjoyed reading every bit of it. You really impressed me with this post, and have shown great improvement (or perhaps just the skill you already had shined through more in this post. ;]) The descriptions flowed well and drew upon imagery nicely, allowing me to picture each person and place you described without any trouble. Characterization was good, and Louis was portrayed without issue. And above all, despite the post's length, it did not drag--everything ran along smoothly and I was compelled to continue reading on. I almost wish it didn't end when it had. ^^;;

Fix the few errors I pointed out and then I'll give you your next lesson. :]

[Sabbo]

All fixed, and a few points of non-issue:

- 3/three: Gah! this is one of the things I always look for when I write! I can't believe I missed not one, but TWO of these...

- [;]: I'm usually good with semi-colons, but I guess I missed one; maybe that was a part I edited later and forgot to fully fix?

- k/now: I really should have read through my piece more thoroughly after finishing it - this is the type of thing I automatically see when reading anything.

- I was worried about drag, but when reading something, my innate sense of knowing what's going on can't tell the difference between drag and compulsive reading, as I always finish what I start. (except the Discworld series, but that was a point of uninteresting books after interesting cartoons... maybe I should read the books the cartoon was based on?)

- Over 2250 words, and only 4 problems? This really is a good piece of work then.

EDIT: I found a point which you did not!

the librarian trailed words a few times while studying the portal, but, surprising Raven, suddenly swung around to face Raven, "would you permit me to study this further?

The name is repeated too close together; I'll be changing that second one to "her".

[Altamira]

Yes, good work. Keep in mind though that I don't point out everything--just what is significant enough to be mentioned. ;]

Lesson time!

Louis will jokingly ask what Raven was expecting her teacher to be like, but will dismiss the topic before she can answer. Instead, he'll abruptly bring up the topic of sailors, specifically speaking about their tendency to get into unexpected fist-fights and other scuffles where the situation might not be ideal for them--and when Raven begins to wonder what the relevance is, he'll make it apparent--he wants to know how she thinks she would do in a situation like that. No matter what her answer is, he'll lead her to a training room afterwards where karate is being practiced, and will ask her to pick herself out an opponent from all of the fighters gathered in the room.

The opponent can be any sort of person you choose, with any skill level and any powers--just be sure to describe them in detail, and describe at least some of the others in the room as well. Have Raven and her opponent exchange a few words, and then let the fight begin. End your post with the fight coming to a conclusion. 700 words minimum.

[Sabbo]

OoC: You know, you could have just let me believe I really was that good and not mentioned that there was a possibility of more mistakes... ¬_¬
Yay for plot development! (aka. there's some in here)

It's not exactly the same, but this vaguely follows your instructions.. >_>

BiC: As Raven waited for Louis to pack away his fiddle, she thought again of what kind of teacher she would have, and now has - He doesn't really look like the brave and chivalric I thought he could be, nor a wise mage... and he seems too kind to be a sly and crafty trickster, she pondered, but looks are sometimes decievi-

"You seemed surprised to find out that I was your teacher... What did you expect anyway?" Louis asked, interrupting Raven's thoughts, "the Dome is a strange place after all; you could have had anybody - maybe a sailor?.. They've been known to get into fights at the drop of a hat." For emphasis, he dropped his hat, but then picked it up, along with the rest of the things he had with him. He walked toward and along a corridor, motioning Raven to follow; "Sailors will get into all sorts of mess if you let them do what they want."

What the heck is he talking about? Raven wondered It's not like this guy is a sailor himself - he doesn't have that feeling around him...

Raven looked around only to realize that Louis was no longer walking in front of her,but was now about 20 paces behind her, in front of a metallic door with a circular window near the top. "You might want to watch where you're walking; it's easy to get lost in these corridors," Louis called out.

As she walked back to Louis, Raven asked him, " What were you talking about with that stuff about sailors anyway? It's not like you are one."

"I might be..."

"But you're not."

As he opened the door next to him he said, "all right, I'm not a sailor... but I do know some sailors..."

In this new "room" was an ocean. Standing on the deck of a rather large steamship (about the size of a small village), Raven saw twenty or so people in uneven rows, marching and attacking the air in front of them in time with an instructor's verbal beat.

As Louis and Raven approached the group, the instructor saw them and said to his group in a commanding tone, "stand down men, rendevous by the helm in double-oh fifteen."

To Raven, it was obvious that the men and women who were being instructed were not sailors, as they seemed to care little for their leader's attitude, but the man himself - the one with this attitude... he definitely had the sailor "look".

"Admiral David P. Jones at your service Minstrel Fritz." Raven didn't know why, but Louis seemed to find the admiral's name a bit funny, as she saw him supress a laugh.

Does this admiral ever speak in a normal way? He sounds so... official.

"As I've told you before Admiral: I may be a minstrel, but that's not a rank. Just call me Louis," he said casually.

"Of course mins- I mean, Louis," the man didn't seem to like addressing people without using a title. "And who do we have here?" Admiral David asked, looking in Raven's direction.

"My name is Raven, and I've got no idea why I'm here," she stated.

"To fight of course! We have a very reliable source which tells me that you're at least the equal of any one of my men or women here. In fact, we'll let you choose which one you want to fight," the admiral told her. "Come up to the helm, and you can pick then."

Not given enough time to tell the man she didn't think she was strong enough to fight any of his students, Raven walked slowly to the edge of the ship and looked across the horizon blankly, If they truly think I'm good enough to fight these people, how strong could they be?

As Raven looked out to sea, Louis walked up to her. "It's not the type of helm which a person wears," he casually said in case Raven did not know the term, "on a ship like this, the helm is a part of the boat where the captain, or in this case, the admiral, tells people what to do. It's the room on the other side of that window," he said, pointing at a large window near the top of the ship.

"I guessed that, it's just... I don't think I'm good enough," Raven responded.

"Well if that's what you think, then you'll never beat them."

"I can't just walk away?"

"Nope."

"Fine," Raven sighed, "lead the way."

As soon as she finished saying this, Louis and Raven were quickly walking up to the helm. While Raven followed Louis, she thought about the people the Admiral was instructing, while in line in front of their instructor, they were all perfectly obedient and stayed in precise form, but as soon as he dismissed them, they all went in different directions and acted differently from eachother... Maybe I should look into that later...

When they finally reached the helm, the admiral was standing with five other people. "These are the people you may fight," he stated. "If you wish, you may ask each of them one question before choosing which one to fight."

Raven glanced at the five people - four men and one woman - and thought carefully about what questions she would ask them.

The first man was tall and muscular and carried no weapon. He only wore a pair of brown, ripped pants, and had numerous unidentifiable tattoos all over his chest, stomach and back. When Raven looked at his face, she saw a hardened gaze; it pierced her soul, and her intuition told her immeadiately that it really did - this man was studying her more than the average person could.

"What is my greatest strength?" Raven asked the man, seeing if he really could see inside her mind.

The man looked at her for a few seconds more, seeming to be searching for the answer, then suddenly looked puzzled. "To... hide in your own pocket," he stated with slight confusion.

This baffled Raven. His gaze must have either been wrong, or he knows something I don't...

The next man was rather lean and slightly hunched over, wearing a purple and green full body suit, a pair of polished white leather shoes, and the cheesiest grin she had ever seen. But, as they say, it's all in the eyes, and in this man's eyes she saw... cruelty. Cruelty in a surprisingly pure way, but cruelty nonetheless. Raven couldn't see any weapons, but did not doubt their existence.

Her question was clear: "How many ways do you know how to kill a man?"

Without missing a beat, the grin said it plainly, yet still with an inflection of his own personality. "Two thousand, three hundred and eighteen, not counting the lingering kinds of death."

Raven found this scary, and as she looked around the room, she saw that she was not alone in her reaction - everybody else in the room had the same look on their faces except the man with the piercing gaze (who must have already known), and the third man, who was a man with a mostly metal face and thus barely showed any emotion.

The third man was covered in metal on not just his face, but all over the rest of his body too; it was intergrated into his skin in such a way that it was clearly not armor, but Raven knew it would still be harder than normal skin. His right arm was entirely covered in metal and had a circular end, which Raven assumed concealed his weapon.

As Raven could not think of a question for the metal man, she looked to the next person - the only female - and saw... herself. The only thoughts which went through her head before Raven asked her question was that it couldn't be Tera, as Tera was not a student at the Dome and thus would not be under the command of the Admiral.

"Who are you?" Raven asked.

"I decided that 'Thira' would be a suitable name for me," she said with a smile.

"Then you..."

Thira nodded, expecting this response.

I thought that I was safe if I portaled while in the void already? But if she's here... I guess not. Raven frowned at the thought.

Briefly glancing toward the last person, Raven felt as though there was no need to ask the last man a question, but when she turned back to Louis and the Admiral, Louis spoke up; "Look back Raven," he said simply.

When she looked back, she couldn't get her eyes to focus themselves on the fifth man; whenever her head was facing the right way, her eyes automatically moved to face a different way, and when she moved her eyes to the right spot, her head moved. W-what is this guy? She wondered, although even thinking about him was a slight struggle in itself.

"H-h-how a-are y-y-you d-doing thi..." Raven couldn't quite finish the question - it seemed as if this man was able to control her thoughts, making her attention shift away from him no matter how hard she tried.

When the Admiral saw Raven struggle, he knew she had found out enough about the last man, and so he announced, "Raven. The time has come to decide - out of all the people here, whom you will duel?"

Raven thought about it. She looked at the first person and figured that a fight against a clairvoyant would be difficult, if not impossible, so she would not fight him. She looked at the second person, and knew that entering in a fight with someone of such cruelty would be far too dangerous - practically suicidal - so she would not fight him either. She looked at the third person and saw that a fight with him would involve little (if any) trickery, and was possibly her best bet for a fair fight, so she might choose him. She looked at Thira and immeadiately knew that she could not in good concience fight herself... or at least someone who was that close to being another Raven. She was understandably unable to look at the last man, and so fighting with him would be out of the question.

"I think I've decided," Raven said as she walked to be in front of the metal man, "I choose..." then, in a reflection in the eye of the third man, she saw a man who looked familiar to her; a man who was fiddling with a colorless ball which Raven recognized as soon as she turned on her heel to face him, "...that man," she said sharply, pointing at the man holding a bolo.

OoC: Sorry to cut it off there, but the rest is going in my Character Fiction. There's way too much important plot to keep in a training thread. (but critique on that - put here - would still be appreciated)
I also gave Louis a new acquaintance (the admiral), but due to the size of the dome (and how long Louis has been there), I'm doubting this could turn into a canonity problem.

1747 words... It's long enough anyways >>

I'll get to the Character Fiction this weekend, or perhaps before that (your time; it's already saturday here >.<)

EDIT: The Character Fiction is complete. It's almost two and a half times bigger than this. (although... it does include this >_>)

[Sabbo]

I know it's discouraged, but I'm bumping this thread, as the Character Fiction (the second half of this training post) is now complete. I would say that this part of the training (the part in the post above this one) is of better quality than the rest of the Char. Fic., but it would still be appreciated if both parts are graded. (Even though the Character Fiction is a two-parter, don't worry about the second part, as it is basically unrelated to Raven's Training)

Although I would not be surprised if it takes ages, I'm looking forward to the grading.

Have at it! ^_^