[Awbri]Trevor Viso's Training

PART ONE: THE FOREST OF DOOM THE FIRST TEST:

Trevor Viso after completing his rigorous training and preparation for the long and tough journey ahead of him before leaving Zeus and Hera, Zeus handed Trevor a map (in character), "what is this for?"

(Zeus) "Well this is a map to the Battle School or as we call it the B.S in the map it contain directions to the B.S and details about the school."

"Hmmm I think I'll head there," after days of preparation he set out for the Battle School hmmm thinking he pulled out the map,

"hmm go north 4 miles, next east 150 paces, then west 2 paces, and north 2 more miles,"he arrives at the forest of doom. (bic)

"Okay crap this doesn't look good it says that the forest of doom is home to the doom ninja, and the deadliest animals in the world."

"Okay stay calm okay its go time pulls out the Blade of Zeus, and walks into the forest okay time to win three bouts to get through and find the exit. Description of this place okay its called the forest of doom because hardly anybody comes out of here alive and the Ninja in this forest block the exit to the forest because part of their Ninja home code is that visitors to this forest who want to exit this forest must fight the toughest of their ninja in three bouts and must win their freedom, okay back to the story."


"welcome traveler you must be headed toward the Battle School well to make it through here you must defeat our three top ninja to win your freedom let the first match begin."

"Introducing Zero of the saber our third best ninja let the match begin."

Trevor and Zero fight clash their swords clash bang, clang, and boom, again, and once more slash right through Zero's saber it breaks,
"And Zero is disqualified."

"The next match is between Trevor Viso and X of the Axe the second best Ninja in the forest."
"Begin, slash the Axe leaves a cut wound across Trevor's face arrrgg, bang the Axe is knocked out of X's hand slash X's head fall's off ouch thats got to hurt. Now may the final match begin between Nexus and Trevor,"

"Nexus is the s ranked ninja of the forest. Begin."

"Ha eat my blade Trevor," says Nexus,
(BIC) "Never Nexus" Trevor says clashing swords back and forth making the crowd dizzy, next slashing towards each other they pass each other standing in the position a hush befalls the crowd then Nexus falls toward the ground but Trevor just grunts with pain.

"Thats it folks you've seen it your selves Trevor has won his freedom" says the announcer. The exit appears and Trevor walks through with the champion's belt around his waist.



Part II: Demon's Cave,

While setting up camp Trevor takes a bite of his supper, a fish he caught with his sword. He cleaned his sword to avoid rust. After lighting the campfire, he finds a mysterious cave next to him on the wall he lit his match on.

"What in the hell? How did this get here? I didn't see this before. Well, I better explore this tomorrow night. Before that, I should get some sleep." Trevor yawns.

"Well time to hit the hay," Trevor says, while dozing off to sleep.


The next night: "Hmmm. That was one long, good nap," says Trevor.

"Time to explore the cave. It seems on the map its glowing and it shows a full moon above it and theres a full moon tonight as well. It says Demon Cave." The Demon Cave is named because it's filled with S-class demons. It is also very dark and old, like walking into an old decrepit house with stony walls. Walking into the cave, Trevor pulls the Blade of Zeus out of its sheath. "This cave is decrepit. What the hell?" A demon, on this wall says.

"Those who enter this cave will be put to a test. Those who defeat the leader demon of this cave will win their own lives from death and will be presented with the demon band as proof of their victory."

"Well this is weird, but okay. I want to challenge the leader of the demons," Trevor says to the demon.
"Okay, if you want to die," says the demon guard.


"Hey leader. This human wants to challenge you," says the demon while laughing. "Okay mortal bring it," says the leader, "let the match begin."
Trevor pulls out the Blade of Zeus, and charges at the demon leader, while slashing.


"Time for the finisher. Celestial Slash!" cries Trevor. The Demon Leader yells in pain, but slashes back at Trevor with his claws. Trevor grunts with pain.

"Eat this. Phoenix strike!" cries Trevor. The Demon Leader yells out in pain and crashes to the floor. Trevor stands over the Demon Leader, as he notices the wounds he has received. He heals himself quickly. "Here, take this as a proof of your victory," says the leader.


"Thank you," says Trevor while exiting the cave. Trevor then heads north towards the final test at the Battle School.


Part III: The Final Test of The Battle School,


Finally, Trevor arrived at the Battle School. At the entrance, he sees a guard, "Hello. I came to enroll in the battle school," says Trevor.

"Well, hand me your victory's proofs," says the guard.
"Here they are," says Trevor, while handing over the band and belt.

"Good. Now for the final test, you must defeat me for this ticket to enroll in the Battle School,"

The guard says while putting the ticket in his pocket and pulling out his Axe. Pulling out his Blade, Trevor says, "Okay bring it."

Dodging the guard's Axe, Trevor cuts the Axe handle coming out the place where the guard is holding it, the guard says, "You pass. Here is the ticket."

"Thanks," says Trevor while walking up to the Battle School. Handing the ticket to the guard at the entrance, he walks in.

...

This is supposed to be how he got there. Written like a normal story.

Okay I edited it earlier.

What the heck are you talking about?

I'm so confused. Just...just redo it, okay?

Okay, edited it again.

While setting up camp Trevor takes a bite of his supper, fish he caught with his sword after cleaning the sword, suddenly he finds a mysterious cave next to him, (BIC) "What in the hell I didn't see this before well I'll explore this tomorrow night but before tomorrow night I need some sleep" Trevor says while yawning "well time to hit the hay goodnight." says Trevor dozing off to sleep.

Edit and correct this paragraph to the best of your abilities. Then we'll see what you need to work on.

And what is with all the random BICs?

Hows that better?

How about using some punctuation?

There I added some punctuation.

Do you understand what a comma is and how to use them?

Yes I do understand what a comma is!

lol. Celestial Link. Lots of Mistakes. Should you seperate them by paragraph?

Originally Posted by Celestial Link

Yes I do understand what a comma is!

Then tell me where you use them, how they are used, and show me where they should be placed in your assignment.

Timaeus, this is not your training thread. Keep out of it--you're in no place to criticize him.

I would use commas after pauses and for example after Trevor said I would use a comma or I place them after a paragraph, and they are used to indicate pauses and to separate elements within a sentence, mostly after dialog, and certain places or elements.