[Drewey] Kray's Training

It was a nice sunny day and clouds started to move in close.
I wonder if it will rain today. thought Kray as he kept walking along the seemingly endless road. The road was very mysterious; it felt somewhat magic, every now and then the wind would blow past, but it was much too vigorous for a day like this.
What on earth is going on here, it’s not a stormy day. At least not yet. he thought once more but this time very puzzled.

As he walked further along the road he started to see a black figure, it kept on running behind the trees whenever Kray looked. Kray, who was very curious, walked towards the figure.

“ Who are you?” yelled Kray.

No one spoke back.

“I said who are you?” Kray repeated, this time angry.

“Okay, you found Me.” exclaimed the figure.

“Well who are you?”

“I’m a magician,” the figure said as he waved his hands around.

“What are you doing?” Kray asked very puzzled.

“I’m summoning a map for you to follow.” groaned the figure while he gave to map to Kray.

“Well okay then, I'll have a look at it.”

Then with a strong gust of wind the man disappeared.

“Well that explains the wind.” exclaimed Kray.

Kray looked at the map, he then started to follow it. After an hour or more of walking he noticed that the map lead to the end of the road.
It’s about time this road ended. he thought with a relief. Kray noticed a hill in front of him and started to climb it, At the top the figure was waiting for him.

“Nice to see you again young one, I am happy you followed the map I gave you. Now I need you to go down the left side of the hill, there you will find the Dome.” the figure called with joy.

“Well why not?” Kray shouted as he waved goodbye and headed down the hill towards the dome.

OOC: i hope its enough

EDIT: OOC: i edited the italics, i forgot make the sentences in italics for the thoughts.

Your first sentence is good. I don't know why, but it just is. Dunno how you did that.

Fix These Things:
-Any word after a thought or quotation that is not the start of a new sentence or a proper noun is not capitalized.
-There are some fragments. See if you can find them.
-Some of your word usage is wrong, such as 'stared' and 'tress'. (Hint: Microsoft word is your friend. It will underline things in a green squiggly if they are incorrect gramatically. Most of the time it is right, but sometimes it is wrong. For the most part, trust it.)
-There are some missing commas. See if you can find where they should go.
-Said is a boring word-you use it too much. Look at this animation for some ideas.
-'Ok' and 'ok' are incorrect. Either use 'OK' (not as in Oklahoma) or 'okay'.
-Its is a funny word. Its indicates possession, whereas It's indicates 'it is'.
-I found a missing punctuation mark. See if you can find it.

I have edited it. i think i fixed all the things you told me to but im not sure if i found all the missing commas or all of the fragments, i think i did though.

Almost. This is a run on.

The road was very mysterious it felt somewhat magic, every now and then the wind would blow past, but it was much too vigorous for a day like this.

Try a semicolon after mysterious, and an and after magic and before the comma.

---

“ Who are you?” Yelled Kray.

You forgot to decapitalize Yelled.

--

“Okay you found Me.” exclaimed the figure.

You should have a comma after 'okay'. Think of it like this: Say 'Okay you found me', together, really fast. You wouldn't say it like that in real life, right? Right. You PAUSE after okay, so if you'd pause when you say it outloud, you put a comma.

You didn't decapitalize 'groaned'. As a matter of fact, theres a number of places where you forgot to decapitalize after speech, again.

'ill' should be 'I'll'. Ill is being sick, and 'I'll' is a contraction for 'I will'. Big difference.

Fix these--There are more mistakes, but they're too much to do all at once, and I don't want to make you learn EVERYTHING at once. Going in stages is better.

ok i fixed everything i could, but what is a semicolon?

A semicolon is ;

They should be used sparingly.

The road was very mysterious; it felt somewhat magic, every now and then the wind would blow past, but it was much too vigorous for a day like this.

To know if you're using it correctly, replace the semicolon with the word 'furthermore' and if it makes sense, use it, if not, don't.

Also, some words in there didn't need to be capitalized, as well as some forgotten periods.

ok. i'll have a go at fixing it.

EDIT: i think i fixed it all.

Errr, wrong! Semicolons don't need to be used EVERYWHERE--infact, they should be used sparingly. Try substituting the word futhermore for each semicolon and read the setence aloud.

The road was very mysterious futhermore it felt somewhat magic furthermore every now and then the wind would blow past furthermore but it was much too vigorous for a day like this.

Sounds odd, doesn't it? A comma will do fine for anything after the first semicolon.

-If you say someone exclaimed something, why does the statement end with a period? You don't know? Exactly.
-A word or two is/are capitalized and doesn't need to be.
-At the very begining, you forgot to decapitalize after thought.

i think and i hope i fixed it.........

Thats not nearly all the mistakes, but meh, I'll save the other lessons for new posts.

BiC:

A man that could be no more than twenty years of age stepped boldly out of the bushes, and had blonde hair shimmering in the sunlight and blue eyes twinkling against the rays. Casually walking around and eyes darting everywhere, he whistled a soft tune, stopping dead in his tracks when for some unknown reason a wall of fire circled him on all sides.

Nenet cackled, stepping out from behind the building. She had prepared her little trap for her new student, and was now laughing as hard as a hyena. Nenet had no idea that her student would have actually fallen for it, but now that he did, it was too funny to even deny it was comedy.

The boy’s eyes surged with anger as he spun around, looking for a place to step out. There was none. “Who’s there!?” he shouted, with a tone that sounded as if someone was trapped—and he was.

Still laughing, Nenet lowered the height of the flames so he could see over. “Hello, Kray? How are you this fine and sunny day?”

The boy was silent, trying to ignore the fact that she had just created a stupid rhyme. “Who are you, how do you know my name, and why the hell do you care about how I am?” he demanded, a sharp tone of annoyance.

“Why, Kray, I am your teacher. I know your name, because you sent in a slip requesting to come. And I care about how you are because I’m polite!” she answered dryly, rolling her eyes afterwards.

“…oh…”

“Oh is right.” Nenet released the flames. “Now before help you to your dorm, I’d like to give you a test-task. A friend of mine has a cat that got stuck in a tree last night. I need you to retrieve it.”

“…what? Is this supposed to be hard?”

“Yes.”

Kray snorted. “Fine, whatever. Which way is it?”

“Find out yourself!” laughed Nenet, loving the game of teasing. She ran off, as light as a feather in the wind. Her voice floated back to Kray with a few last words: “Come find me when you’re done!”

OoC: Yes, get the cat. I’d also like to point out that this tree is huge, gigantic… humongo! After you get the cat, you’re going to take it to Nenet (Link in Sig) and feel free to add any twists. Try to make it more than 500 words.

sorry but i probally wont have it done untill about 5-6 days because im going for a trip, so expct it done then!

Kray walked away from where the fire was and started walking.

“Why do I have to get a stupid cat out of a tree?” groaned Kray.

Kray walked along looking for a big tree. He saw one tree, which was pretty big, so he started to climb it. He was half way when he found someone’s bike, he then decided there was no cat in this tree so climbed down with the bike.

This bike will help me get around faster, too bad it’s broken. Kray thought as he threw the bike away. He found some more trees and climbed them, each time he came down empty handed.

“Damn! Where is that cat!?” Kray yelled.

After about an hour of climbing trees he finally found one with a cat in it.

“Come here little kitty.” Kray said softly to the cat.

The cat then got very scared and for some reason jumped put of the tree.

“Oh Sh**!” Kray yelled.

He was so angry he made a fireball and threw it right at the branch he was hanging off,

“WOW!” Kray yelled as the branch started to burn.

Kray had to jump off, it was he only choice of survival. Kray without thinking twice jumped off and landed on the cat, killing it more.

“Oh no……..how am I going to explain this to what’s her name?” Kray said disappointedly.

Kray made his way back to Nenet. He passed all the trees and even the bike he had found.

“Here i go.” Kray whispered to himself.

He steped into Nenets room.

"Hello Kray, have you found the cat?" asked Nenet.

"um........well about the cat, i found it but i kinda, well sqiushed it." replied Kray.

"You what? HOW COULD YOU?! your in big trouble boy!"

"I'm really sorry, i'll do anything to make it up to your firend!" exclamied Kray.

"Hmm.......well you could do her house work for awhile but you will have do more than that!" said Nenet

"Okay, sure i'll do her house work! I'll even mow her lawn!" shouted Kray

"Okay, i'll think about it."

OOC: yeah im letting you post what Kray says to Nenet, i can if you wnat me to but i think it would be better if you did.

Wait a minute... you mean that there was a bike in the tree, and he rode down the tree in a bike? Wha?

And I think you should write the convorsation.

There ya go done. Also it says Kray climbed down with the bike. not he rode down.