Domestic Dude's First Fight (Random)

Taran had flown about... lets see... 2=2=4 divided by 6+2X d divided by 3.14 x Pie R squared... 3 inches and landed in a pile of rotting garbage. He got up and realized he smelled. He gave himself a sniff and pulled out his Nautica cologne and sprayed some onto his neck. "Nice. I may be covered in garbage, but at least the smells gone...."

AT that instant, fireball got up and launched a fireball towards taran. It hit him and caught him on fire, caused by him dumping the whole bottle on himself. He began screaming and hollering and running around and then stopped. "Well, at least i still have my personality!" And he fell to the ground.

"Gee, looks like he's all 'fired' up!" Said fireball. "NO! Not ME too! Ah, can't fight it, urge to speak in puns too strong, will weakening!" He fell to his knees and it began to rain. He looked skyward. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Domestic Dude hovered ubove them and looked down. "That is sad. Now they both know how Bary feels."

Domestic Dude sneered at the pathetic figures of Taran and fireball. The household warrior flew down to them. Fireball, on his knees, looked up at Domestic Dude. Domestic Dude picked up his Ironing Board and smacked fireball upside the head with it. Fireball fell to the ground. Domestic Dude stood over him.

"I guess you lose, fireman," Domestic Dude said.

Domestic Dude knelt down next to fireball, "I guess you could say you just weren't fired up enough. Ha ha ha."

As Domestic Dude continued his laughter, fireball sprang into action. He moved faster than he had ever moved before. His arms quickly got Domestic Dude in a headlock. He heated up his entire body. The heat was scorchingly hot. Domestic Dude's muffin trays and saucepan helmet absorbed most of the heat but it wasn't enough. The rain pouring down on fireball, vaporised before it came close to Domestic Dude's firey foe. The vaporised rain created a cloud of steam around them. Taran sat nearby enjoying the sauna.

Fireball saw Taran enjoying himself and immediately sprung into action. Fireball's feet wrapped around Taran's neck, securing him in a headlock. Fireball's heat continued to grow...

In a devasting explosion Fireball released his heat energy. Even the very earth rocked under its power. He released Domestic Dude and Taran from his grasp and they were hurled around in the immense Firestorm that he had unleashed. Domestic Dude grabbed unto a palm tree, which can survive anything according to hollywood. Taran Crashed through the glass of the near by pie shop. Fireball slumped to the ground as the raging storm subsided. Taran said " A raging fire becomes embers". Domestic Dude nodded in agreement as he came down from his palm tree. Fireball reached into his pocket and grabbed the chocolate biscuit he keeps there, he ate it two gulps. He rose. "I am not through yet." He kicked Domestic Dude in the face Burn the houshold warrior with his Rocket like fire from his feat. "Arrgh, My face my beatiful face, " Domestic Dude screamed as he staggered back. Taran threw a cream pie at Fireball and it smacked him square in the mouth. Fireball prepared for another attack as he wiped the pie from his eye.

Taran, after throwing the pie, burst out crying. "How have i stooped so low. Food abuse has grown increasingly bad lately. And now, i'm participating in it! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" *WHACK* Fireball had just slapped him upside the head. "OUCH!" Taran cried. "Why'd you do that?"
"Uh, dude," Fireball said. "We're in a climactic battle raging in a bizarre comidy story at Zelda Universe.net. What do you think i'm supposed to do? Plus, you wouldn't shut up."
"Good Point!" Taran replied as he got into a fighting stance. "Oh, uh, before we start knocking the candy out of each other like pinyadas, let me ask you a question. Why are you in your underpants?" Just then, Domestic Dude hit him with a toasted sanwhich.
"Jeez!" Domestic Dude said. "That was random. Wait a sec. Where did your pants go?"
"Who knows? It's the 21st century. THey could be anywhere!"
"Good point!" Domestic Dude replied as he got into a fighting stance. "Oh, uh, before we start kicking the poop out of each other like soccer players, can i ask you a question?"
"NO!" Fireball exclaimed as he kicked the poop out of Domestic Dude like a soccer player. "I love fotbol!"
Just then, Taran kicked Fireball in the side and he flew into a nearby garbage can. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" A huge sucking sound could be heard from Taran as he gasped for breath. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" After his long explanation, he passed out from lack of air.

Domestic Dude looked at the pant-less fireball as the firey foe gingerly got up from the garbage can. The household warrior raised an eyebrow. Fireball quickly covered up his exposure with his hands.

"It's cold out here, alright?!" exclaimed fireball.

Domestic Dude suppressed a laugh. Taran's unconcious body was spread out on the ground as if enjoying a wonderful dream.

Taran began to mumble, "...pie...aardvark...George Bush...whipped cream...dental plan..."

Domestic Dude walked over to Taran and picked him by the feet. Fireball flew over to Domestic Dude. Domestic Dude swung Taran at fireball and struck him in the chest. The air rushed out of fireball's lungs. Fireball quickly recovered. Domestic Dude swung Taran at fireball once more but fireball grabbed Taran. Domestic Dude, shocked that fireball prevented his attack, didn't see Fireball's body heating up. A torrent of flame spewed forth from fireball's feet, scorching the household warrior's legs. Domestic Dude let go of Taran in pain. Fireball moved quickly as he took Taran's pants and put them on.

Domestic Dude managed to say through the pain, "I can see who wears the pants in this relationship."

Fireball let out a groan at Domestic Dudes joke. He was sick of this fight, especially Domestic Dudes bad jokes. Time to use the leveler of all men. Fireball reached down the back of his shirt he removed from its hdden scabbard... His cricket bat. Weilding it like a samurai sword he swung it in a deft upward arc as Domestic Dude rose. It struck the household warrior square in the nads. Clutching his family jewels Domestic Dude whine "Thats not very sporting of you." Fireball struck with the bat again. Domestic Dude fell to the ground his suacepan helmet spinning in the air. Fireball reached out and grabbed it. Taran had recovered and was formulating a plan to regain his pants.

Fireball turned the suacepan brandished like another sword. he struck taran on the side of the head then bought the cricket bat down has Taran fell to the ground. Fireball spotted a tap in the back of the pie store, 'I only need water than I'll be feast down on these chicken noodles' he thought to himself. He stared to run. Domestic Dude had recovered from the hit to the cods and was giving chase. Fireball had already pored water into the saucepan when Domestic Dude caught up. He was staring to boil it with his flame...

Quickly, Taran got up. He ran toward fireball, grimacing. "Give me back my pants you pants stealing thief!" He yelled.
"NEVER!" Cried fireball.
"FINE!" Taran yelled back. "I'll just have to tell you to meet, ROBO PANTS!" Taran pulled out a remote control and pressed the on switch. A light lit up on the fly of the pants. "Ha ha! See how you'd like this! Pants, it's wedgie time!" Taran pushed the control stick upward, and the pants soared upward into the sky, taking fireball with them...

ooc: sorry for posting but I need to relate the state of the noodles after each attack.
****
ic: Fireball flew up to air, the water in the saucepan was not yet boiled. He was trying desperately to keep the water from spilling. he kept climping into the air.

Domestic Dude climbed aboard his Ironing Board and flew into the sky. Fireball's pants assisted flight continued ever upward. Domestic Dude's Ironing Board began to catch up with his fiery foe. The Ironing Board was level with Fireball when Domestic Dude strapped him to the Ironing Board with a pair of underpants that had gotten caught up with the Ironing Board the last time Domestic Dude did the ironing.

"Ha ha," laughed Domestic Dude,"I guess these underpants are 'bonds'. Y'know, bonds, the underpants brand. Ha ha."

Domestic Dude began ironing Taran's robo-pants. The robo-pants began to heat up and short-circuit. Fireball was receiving minor electrical shocks from the pants. He was constantly being paralysed, he couldn't power up his flames. Domestic Dude began sending the Ironing Board directly down on top of Taran.

"This should win me the extreme ironing championship for sure," muttered Domestic Dude. "Plummeting to the ground at 200 km/h with no parachute while Ironing a pair of robotic pants someone is still wearing."

Just as the Ironing Board was about to hit the ground, Domestic Dude unstrapped Fireball and sped away as Fireball smacked into Taran, forcing the both of them into a deep crater created by the impact a la Dragon Ball Z. Fireball climbed out of the hole still clutching Domestic Dude's saucpean with the noodles in it. The impact had destroyed Taran's robo-pants. Taran climbed out of the hole. Domestic Dude's two foes locked piercing gazes with Domestic Dude before looking down at where their pants should be. Taran and Fireball rushed to the nearest clothes shop...

They rushed forward and both reached the door of the nearest mens clothing shop at the same time. They quick grabbed the nearest pants in their sizes, Fireball was lucky and got blue pants similar to the ones that had mysteriously disappeared. Taran however got a pair of purple polka dot pants. Fireball somehow managed to pay his money despite having the suacepan in one hand a and a criket bat in another. Rushing to the door he was stopped by Taran. "Out of my way," Fireball said. Taran would not move. Fireball flourished the cricket bat and relvealed to flames etched into the wood on the back of the bat. The criket bat ignited, and Fireball smacked Taran across the face with it. He leapt over Taran and began running down the street. He needded only another minute and then his noodles will be done. Both Domestic Dude and Taran were running after him, but they were fighting as they did so.

Fireball ran outside and then began to laugh maniacaly. "Finally, my noodles are done!" He laughed in an evil mad scientist type of way. "WHA HA HA!"
"Oh no!" Domestic Dude cried. "i've let him hatch a crazy plot! THis could be my downfall!"
"No you fool! This isn't my crazy plot! I was just hungry." Fireball gulped down his noodles and then got into a fighting stance, ignighting his cricket bat once more. "NOW FOR YOUR DOWNFALL!" He rushed forward. Just then, Taran popped out of nowhere and jumped into the sky.
"Lets see you noodle your way out of this one, Top Ramen boy!" Taran exclaimed as he shoved a pair of leather pants over Fireball's head and poured the unfinished noodle broth on them. At once the leather began shrinking and cutting off the circulation of Fireball's head...

Domestic Dude eyed fireball's leather-bound head with a raised eyebrow. Fireball's screams were muffled by the suffocating leather. Fireball thrashed about in an attempt to free himself from the clothing menace.

"You look like you're meant to be in Slipknot," said Domestic Dude. "You guys wear masks to show how you feel on the inside. Well, it looks like somebody needs a hug!"

Domestic Dude raced over to fireball and embraced before picking him up and throwing him at Taran. A few toasted cheese sandwiches followed fireball's flight path. As fireball smacked into Taran, the toasted cheese sandwiches caught up with fiery flying foe. BAM! A massive explosion ensued. Domestic Dude's foes were sent skidding across the ground. They slowly came to a stop. Fireball got up. Domestic Dude's mouth dropped open. This couldn't be.

The heat from the explosion had melted the leather pants to his skin and torn off some of the leather pants. Standing before Domestic Dude now was fireball fully integrated with the leather pants. The power of flame, the durability of leather, the might of pants. Domestic Dude's mouth dropped further, this was going to be tough. The legs of the leather pants moved under fireball's own will as they grotequesely protruded from his skin, one on the top of his head, the other from his left cheek.

Taran got up and saw fireball, "Okaaay, that's odd."

"Yes, he'd look quite at home in a 'pantomime'," joked Domestic Dude.

Fireball struggled to control the pants as they lashed out at his opponents. He did not want to fight anymore for he had already ingested his noodles. And besides this fight was getting to weird for him. "Thats it I'm out of here," As he walked of to see if he could find some one that would find a way to free him of the pants, for the leather had the mind of a vengeful cow and was full of hatered, fireball did not want to destroy men that had just been doing their jobs. He walked away and it was many months before Domestic Dude or Taran heard of him again.

When they did hear from him, he was so poor that when he went to KFC, he'd lick other people's fingers! Domestic Dude and Taran had still been fighting when he left, and did not notice his abscence. So, they dicided to continue their fighting via the internet, spamming each other and filling up each other's screens with colorful language. Here is an example of one of the letters from Taran to Domestic Dude:
Domestic Dude you blue Dude.
Red!Dark Green!Sienna!

RSVP Soon!
Taran

PS: You're stoopid!

Soon, It got old, so they decided to make peace and go to KFC and have Brunch. When they got there, Fireball was sucking on some old guy's thumb, and was shocked to see them. He got up and walked over to them. His clothes were dirty, and he was smelly. "Hey punk. It's been months since we last saw each other, and I need some money. I bet you guys 25 dollars that I could Beat both of you in a two on one match in another thread." Fireball bragged.

"I dunno..." Domestic Dude started. "The price seems kinda h-"

"Low!" Taran said. "I say fifty bucks and it's a deal." Domestic Dude stared at him in disbelief. Domestic Dude didn't even have that kind of money. He had spent every last penny on repairs for the town and financial funds for his new "Save the Food" abuse shelter. He had no time to think further because Fireball was already pummeling his face. Taran quickly backflipped off a table and kicked fireball in the back. Dust puffed into the air as it was forced off Fireball's shirt by the blow. He flew through they air and landed in the restroom. Domestic Dude's second fight was about to begin...

NOTICE: Do not post in this thread. This thread is done. Any further posting will be done in the "Domestic Dude's Second Fight: Battle at KFC" thread.