A Christmas Crusade or How I Learned To Fear the Easter Bunny (anyone and everyone)

OoC: It's the Christmas battle of the year! I will be using Ray Robson. http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...d.php?p=671046

Ray Robson leafed through some papers on his desk. It was the commercial break and it gave him a chance to double check what was still to come on the program. The schedule did not change much from night to night, so there was not much to memorize. A shoddy builder here, a conman there, everywhere a diet pill story. His concentration was disturbed when a shadow fell over him. It was a worryingly familiar shadow. He sighed and looked up.

"How'd YOU get past security?" he asked with more than a slight hint of anger in his voice.
"Told them I was an upset battler who's been rorted by the government system, and welfare cheats are ripping me off with a miracle dieting pill that makes shoddy builders at risk to cancer," she replied.
This was Sarah. They had met before. Ray still had the bruises to prove it.
"Why are you here?" asked Ray. "We're on in thirty."
"I've got a bone to pick with you," she said, placing her hands on his desk. "Last week you reported that Poets were destroying the fabric of society and corrupting children. I want you to air a retraction."
"I'd be letting facts get in the way of journalistic integrity," huffed Ray. "I will do no such thing."
"Really?" said Sarah. "Maybe you'd like to talk it over with my dagger?"
"Ten seconds 'til we're on air," said Ray. "Get off the set."
Sarah stayed where she was.
"Absolutely nothing is going to make me leave this spot."

As she finished talking, another figure entered the room. The figure was unlike anything either of them had ever seen. Ray couldn't believe his eyes. It was a seven foot tall, bi-pedal rabbit carrying a basket of eggs.

"Except for maybe that," said Sarah.
"I'm the Easter Bunny," said the large rabbit. "And I've got a brilliant story for you."
"W-w-what story is that?" stammered Ray.
"The fight of the century. The death of Santa Claus," said the Easter Bunny. "All I need from you is transport to the North Pole, and you've got yourself the greatest news story in history."
"W-why do you need transport?" asked Ray. "Why are you gonna kill Santa?"
"I used to have a Segway, but I totalled it in a collision with a motorised scooter," said the Easter Bunny. "And I'm going to destory Santa because of what he's done to me. No one wants the Easter Bunny any more, it's all Santa this, Santa that, 'cause he's got all the toys, what have I got? An unemployment cheque, two bottles of mustard and a basket of chocolate eggs! I'm thirty five years old, and that's all I've got to show for it! With Santa Claus out of the picture, the kids will have to come crawling back to me, they'll need their presents fix and when they can't get toys, they'll go for chocolate. And then I'll be a big shot again, get invited to all the Holidays' parties. They won't let me into Guy Fawkes day anymore because of what I did in the bonfire...Have we got a deal?"
Ray paused for a moment, a glimmer of ratings in his eye, "You've got a deal."
Sarah stood still, watching this most bizarre of events unfold before her.
"Do you want to come too?" asked the Easter Bunny.
"No!" exclaimed Sarah. "I'm not going to help you destroy Santa, that's a horrible thing to do!"
"Are you sure?" asked the Easter Bunny. "Think of all those times Santa gave you a pair of socks instead of a poetry anthology for Christmas. Think of that time you left milk out for Santa and he didn't even drink it!"
Sarah feigned interest as a plan formulated in her mind. The Easter Bunny continued to spout instances of injustice to Sarah. In her head, she thought over what she should do. It would be much easier to stop this if she was right next to it. She had to save Santa. She had to.
"Alright, I'll go with you," she said.
"Then it's decided," said The Easter Bunny.
"I can get a news helicopter to take us," said Ray.
"Very well," said the Easter Bunny.
The news reader, poet and seven foot tall, bi-pedal, chocolate giving, Easter Bunny walked off the set and towards the news helicopter outside. Unbeknownst to them, the whole thing had been beamed to televisions all across the nation, perhaps the world. The citizens of the world would not stand idly by. Could others stop the Easter Bunny before he got to Santa? Or perhaps they would rather help the Christmas Chaos.

"You're going down Santa," said the Easter Bunny as they made their way off set. "This time: It's Seasonal."

OoC: Hope everyone enjoys this Christmas themed battle.

OOC: Well time to save santa again but this time Shrapnel will be taking up the santa saving duties.

INC: Shrapnel was having a good time. No responsibilties at all while she was waiting to see if she was off to study for a Bachelor of Arts at the local university. Her time at High School had ended a few short weeks ago and life had been one long DDR session ever since. She made a show of going to look for part time work for her parents but if she didn't find anything it didn't matter. Even in terms of buying christmas presents, well she would just have to sacrafice the jar of five cent pieces she had at home. There had to be at least seventy-eight dollars and sixty five cents in what she called the ammo cache.

She was relaxing after yet another day trying in vain to achieve a high score on the DDR machine when her home phone rang.

"Hey Shrapnel," her mentor said from the other end of the line. "Turn on your television."

"Why?" she asked.

"Just do it and don't question your elders," he said.

Grumbling Shrapnel did as she was told. As she flicked through the various channels the all had the smae story. The Easter Bunny was going after Santa. She coudln't believe it but on the channel with Ray Robson there he was a Six foot tall rabbit with a basket of chocolate eggs.

"So is Santa real to?" she asked Fireball who was still on the other end of the line.

"Yeah I meet him last year," he said. "Suprisingly this kind of thing is quite a common accurance."

"So I can't fly after the helicopter so it looks like something you have to take," she said.

"Nope, sorry have to work,' he told her.

Thats right he had just recently started a new job. Shrapnel groaned she had already put away her winter clothing too, but how would she get to the north pole. Fireball had the anwser.

"Listen Robson needs to refuel the helicopter at the town airport," he said.

"I understand," Shrapnel said and immediately hung up the phone. Grabbing the keys to her parents car she hurried wrote a note telling them that she was off to save santa. She cringed at how cliched it souned but at least with the live television coverage they would believe her.

Ten minutes later she was at the airport looking at the Helicopter touch down, she could see her own local media had found out the easter bunny would be here as well. Quietly she head for the control tower that was directly north of the tower. Her hunch was right and as the chopper lifted off after refueling it made a beeling straight in a northwards direction. It was a simple thing to leap the few meters from the control tower roof to the helicopter's skids. She held tightly as the aircraft gained altitude. realising that her arms and legs woul eventaully tire shrapnel came up with a plan. She removed on hand from the skid and undid her belt. it took a while but she eventaully closed the belt around the skid. Slowly she removed her other hand. The blet seemed to be holding her weight to the helicopter quite well. She eventaully plucked up the courage to free the vice like grip her legs where exerting on the skid. Now she could relax until the aircraft landed again.

About twenty minutes into her flight Shrapnel saw a familair face staring out the window. So many months ago she had fought with then made up with Sarah the poet. It was before that mysterious e-mail that sent her to fight many people, much of that was still a blur, especially near the end. She got her mind back on track. Surely Sarah wasn't trying to destroy Santa, was she? The helicopter continued its northwards journey.

OoC: Count me in. Though, don't count me to be awesome. Z made me choose numbah 5. O: That means I'm using Gloria. LINK IS IN MEH SIG.

BiC:

"Christmas time, oh joy!" came the pixie's melodious voice. "Santa Claus here I come! I want candy for Christmas, NO! I want a pony."

This rehearsing made the people beside Gloria uneasy. The ecstatic girl was standing in a line, waiting for a chance to sit on the “real” Santa's lap. The list of things she wanted ran through her head, making her more gleeful with each thought.

Finally, it came to be her turn to sit on the big man's lap. He eyed her suspiciously and asked, “How old are you?”

“20! Now, on with the gifts!” she exclaimed happily.

“Erm... aren't you a bit old to still be believing in Santa?”

She seemed puzzled by this statement, “What are you talking about? You're right here aren't you?”

The man hesitated and dropped the subject with a “Ho, ho, ho”. “So, what would you like this Christmas?”

“I want a pony, and a-”

The pixie was interrupted by a scream in front of her. A little girl had been watching a television only to see that the easter bunny was off to kill Santa.

Ignoring the jolly man underneath her, she spread her wings, soaring to the glass window of the store. After watching the quick newscast, she gasped, still processing what was going on. “I HAVE TO GO SAVE SANTA!”

Once more, she got odd looks from various people, but being as blind to the obvious as she was, Gloria didn't care. And, with that, she flew out of the shopping mall and into the sky, heading to save her idol: Old Saint Nick. While she was there, she would ask for a pony and some candy. But, that is besides the point.

Would Goy help? Or would she unintentionally kill Mr. Claus? With her IQ, anything is possible.

OoC: Hah! Now, we need to force Belle to post.

ooc: I have some spare time to post this afternoon. Dads watching poorly made movies released direct to DVD so I can't play twilight princess.

INC: Shrapnel shifted her weight, she was tired but didn't trust her belt to support all of her from the helicopter. Anyway she wasn't one who could fall asleep with ease while travelling. Despite her dimension hopping adventures she had no idea where she was on earth. She was pretty sure the equator was passed but Ray Robson had avoided so many storms so as not to jepordise the story of a life time. Some where over North America perhaps. She wasn't going to be stupid enough to look down. Instead she looked out towards the horizon to try and calm the motion sickness that she was getting.

"There's something you don't see everyday," she said as she made out the wingspan of quite a large fairy. As the fairy approached she could tell it had traits of other fairy folk. She was spending to much time with her mentor or at least his book collection. She suspected she couldn't pay him out about his interest in mythology now that she had seen a fairy.

The fairy flew towards the helicopter and saw Shrapnel hanging from its skid.

"Is this the easter bunny' helicopter miss?" she said in her sing song voice, that immediately irridated Shrapnel as it reminded her of ditsy shop assistants from the few times she needed to buy dresses because the occasion demanded it.

"Um..." said Shrapnel. "It depends."

"I'm here to save Santa!" Gloria's enthusastic pumping of her fist in the air made he drop behind the steady pace of the man made aircraft. The fairy or pixie girl (shrapnel still wasn't quite sure) caught up with a few beats of her wings.

"Right..." Shrapnel said. "It very much is the easter bunny's ride."

It was then that Shrapnel realised that a fairy the size of a human adult woman doesn't go unnoticed for long. The easter bunny was staring out the window right at her.

"We have uniniveted guest Robson," he said to the newsman.

"Imagine the ratings," the journalists replied. "The worlds greatest fighters in an epic battle to decide santa's fate."

"So I take it you aren't going to shake them off," the rabbit said. Robson nodded in reply. Shrapnel sighed no more suprise attack when they landed. She clutched tighter to the helicopter as she tried to come up with a new one. It seems the fairy girl was also thinking because she retreated back behind the helicopter.

OoC: Force me to post? What on earth are you implying, dear Cio? That I never post in my threads? Why, that's simply preposterious. Preposterious I tells ya. *cough* Right...

BiC: Sarah stared out of the window. It had been a strange enough sight, looking out and seeing her old foe turned friend hanging from the runner by a belt, but the pixie was just too much. "You've got to be kidding me." she said.

It was then that the poet looked around her, seeing the easter bunny once more. A giant bunny on a quest to kill Santa. And a pixie surprised her? She shook her head. There were some strange things in the world, that was for sure. And after this, she'd never look at an easter egg the same way again.

"Hey Ray," she asked. "How much longer until we get to the North Pole, about?"

The reporter shrugged. "Oh... you know... chance of complications... don't want to report something false..."

Sarah eyed him shrewdly. "That's just a fancy way of saying you've no idea, isn't it?"

"Of course not. I've got a very good, vague idea of how long it will take. But journalistic integrity prevents me from revealing it just yet. Watch the evening news to find out more!"

"By the time the evening news is on, we'll have already reached our destination!"

The reporter beamed. "Exactly!"

The Easter Bunny sat in the back of the helicopter, ignoring this exchange. He was looking at a diagram of some sort, and muttering. Hoping to learn more of his attack plan, Sarah walked over and looked.

The "diagram" was a large white sheet of paper with a red blob (presumably Santa) with several black slash marks drawn through it. "Wow... quite the battle plan you've got there," the young woman said.

The bunny smiled up at her (or at least she thought it was a smile... the buck teeth made it a bit difficult to tell). "I know, I've been working on it for months. Everything has to be just right for this."

Sarah nodded slowly. I'm surrounded by idiots... she thought to herself. Ah well, that should make my job easier. Don't worry Santa, I won't let some wacked chocoholic bunny mess with you.

I'll be using Skyru!http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...97#post1216897

Skyru in the same store, in line behind Gloria at the time before also saw this epic and quite outrageous plot of the Easter Bunny. He stayed at the store a little longer in order to prepare himself, as his fairy kept refusing to come...

"Fine Skyru! I'm going, but I'm not happy about it." Zaiku the red fairy( Zelda style fairy in Kokiri forest)
"Well what the Nayru are we waiting for?!" Skyru scowled with a hint of joy that they had a chance for adventure. ANd he flew off at a blazing speed.

In the background as he left, they could hear all the little boys and girls asking for dragon and fairy wings as well.

"Woah dude look up there is the fairy dudette hangin' to a helicopter with the easterbunny in it, we gotta join in the quest!" Exclaimed Skyru. Zaiku sighed, fluttering after Skyru as he flew towards the copter.

"Hi!" Skyru anounced in his usual innoccent voice. " I'm Skyru! And here to help save Christmas!"
Gloria faced him.

"Okay Sky." Skyru thought promptly and decided he didn't mind being called Sky, though he would prefer his full name." We just got to stay unseen until we get to the North Pole, and I'm Gloria, but just call me Goy.

Skyru nodded in the excitement of the adventure while Zaiku was flying next to him.

OOC:This is gonna be so awesome! I can't wait!

ooc: lets keep this thing moving.

INC: Shrapnel sighed, another ally, but she didn't quite know if it was a good thing. What was it with this world that attracted the bizarre to it. Her mentor had once explained to it that at certain magically times of the year the barriers break down between worlds. He had experienced it first hand last year on a merry chase across the multiverse he had told her about. On the plus side she had come up with a plan that hopefully the other two would be able to help with even if she didn't tell them anything. Sarah was the unknown factor, Shrapnel still didn't know the poets intentions, for all she knew the gifted writer was just along to compose a new christmas carol. Robson she was going to knock out anyway, so she couls say that she had been there and done that.

Shrapnel had to think a while longer. She caught snippets of conversation between the other two, it was so hard to hear over the wind. Goy was the fairys girls nickname, the boy was some strange mixture of kokkirri and dragon. What had he said during one of those boring study session at the library. The combine weight of canon and fan fiction can break the barriers between worlds. Still she waited, but after twenty minutes the temperature dropped further. Snow was appearing everywhere on the distant ground. Shrapnel could wait no longer being only human and in summer clothing as well. Holding tight with her legs she let go of her hand holds undid her belt and then tightened it on her waist. She was no longer suspended by it. Hang upside in the air she fashioned brass knuckles from her ifty cent pieces. Three between the gaps of her fingures. She swung her self increasing her speed finally she swung right up to the window and shattered through the glass with her outstreched fists. Sarah was straled as young woman caming crashing into the aircraft. Goy and Skyru rushed forward towards the helicopter shocked at the ordinary humans suprise attack. Inside Shrapnel dusted her self of making sure the glass had not cut her.

"Why isn't this craft rated for birdstrikes Robson?" the gaint rabbit asked.

"Checkbook journalism isn't cheap you know," was the newsman's reply.

Shrapnel tried to grab the easter bunny around his neck, but he was too strong and easily shrugged her off. The rabbit pulled a festively painted grenade out his egg basket.

"You can't set that off in here!" Sarah screamed.

"Then open the door dear," the rabbit said.

Sarah hesitated but knew she had to maintain her cover. She would be thrown out of the helicopter and then where would santa be. She opened the door as the easter bunny pulled the pin and shoved the grenade in to Shrapnel's hand. The money weilding warrior fell towards the earth live grenade in her hand. She paniced but in her mind was a clear voice. You have fought dragons, wizards, demon warriors and small time crooks and lived what make you think you won't survive this. This clear voice encompassed her all and she hurled the grenade back towards the helicopter. She then started hurling ten cent pieces at it. Each coin strike made the grenade rise further towards the easter bunny's aircraft. The weapon exploded just below the helicopter and the concussion sent it twirlling. As the easter bunny demanded robson to level the craft out Goy dived towards shrapnel and caught her.

"Your more insane than I am ," Goy said.

"I only bought us time," Shrapnel said. "We have to keep after them."

Skyru and Zaiku stared at Shrapnel being lifted back up by Goy after the fall, and he flew down leaving Zaiku flying in the air alone.
Skyru gave a wry smile.
"Hey I nevernoticed you before. I'm Skyru." he said confidently.
"Oh hey Skyru, I'm Shrapnel." She managed to say trying not to stare at the way he was flying with one wing. "Who's the little red guy?"
"oh he is Zaiku, my guardian fairy."

Shrapnel tried to remember things about the Kokiri that she was paying half attention to during another of her mentor's lectures.
"Well what now?" asked Goy who was still carrying Shrapnel.
The three of them needed a way to the North Pole, and the could not follow the helicopter as it had already travelled to far away.
"Well we got to do something, The copter should be at least 5 minutes away from the North Pole.

Zaik flew down with a bright expression on his face. (Fairies have faces?!)
" I have an idea!" He exclaimed and they all gave him their attention.
"Skyru has this song that can be used to telaport us to the north Pole. But he needs to transform his wing in to a guitar to do it, so he needs to be hanging somewhere so he can play his guitar."

They all stared at Goy, and she and they both knew what would happen next.
She began "Ok make it quick, my arms are getting tired!"

OOC: Well I'l leave it off there for this post, sorry if I controlled other characters too much. But I don't mind if you use Skyru, as long as you keep him in personality.

ooc: Its fine, in fact its strange to see people use the other characters so little. Except in the case of opening posts setting the scene and such. Well lets continue.

INC:
"Suck it up fairy girl!" said Shrapnel.

"But you're heavy and I don't know how heavy he is and..." Goy the half pixie started.

"Complain, Complain I just spent the last few hours hanging of a helicopter," sighing Shrapnel continued by asking the Kokirri about the teleportation song. "So kid will it be able to teleport all three of us?"

The boy's fairy boobed up and down in the air.

"Sorry, the four of us?" she corrcted.

"Umm.." he said. "Whats with all the questions Shrapnel?"

"Because Goy here does seem a bit of a girly girl to me and I'm trying to cut her some slack, so you going to anwser me?"

"I will," said Zaiku. "Anything to help a great fairy."

"But I'm not a..." started Goy who was cut off by Zaiku's explanation.

"Yes it teleports anything that Skyru intends to be taken with him," the small fairy explained. "However it also occasionally teleports stray insects, dust and over similar things."

"Great I can't take the risk of hanging on to the helicopter and then holding you kid, incase we cut some time of the bunny's journey. How long does the song take to play?"

"A few minutes," Skyru told her.

"Could be cutting it a bit close," Shrapnel said. "Meh."

She let go of Goy's arm, who had just relaxed her own grip due to fatigue. Shrapnel plummeted towards the earth once more. Goy screamed out in shock and dove towards Shrapnel. Skyru went after the falling human aswell. Zaiku bounced up and down on his charges head a few times.

"The song, play the song," he yelled. "Before she hits the ground and before you do aswell."

Skyru tranformed his wing into a guitar and began to strum. He too began to plummet. He reached the girls just as the last note was played. Ephemeral dragon wings enfolded over the warrior who wished to protect santa and disappeared to no where. The tops of the trees undisturbed by any falling figure.

At that very moment at the top of the world three figures landed heavily on the ice. A small glowing point hovering above them. Shrapnel was the first to stand.

"Made it," she said. "I am so much cooler than Batman right now."

"Literary as well as figuratively I suppose," said Goy who didn't get the reference.

"How are you with cold fairy girl?" asked Shrapnel.

"Not to bad," she replied. "Why?"

"Dragon boy doesn't look to hot," she said point over at Skyru who was taking his time to get up. "And me, well I'm from Australia where christmas is in the correct summer period."

"We can do it anyway!" Goy said cheerfully. "Lets find Santa and warn him."

The fairy girl flew off searching for the entry into Santa's work shop.

"Wait we don't know what kind of security the fat man might have.." Shrapnel said trying to get the fairy to be a little more cautious. Goy bumbed into something.

"It's too cold!" complained Goy who was rubbing herself in an attempt to warm up.
Shrapnel stared at her.
"Yeah it's no walk in the sun for me either but could you please just shut up!" Shrapnel replied with a fiery tone in her voice.
Goy obeyed and closed her mouth, yet still slightly mumbling.

Zaiku had seemed to be in his usual state and had all of his energy, as he apparently didn't mind cold temperatures. However Skyru was the worst of the all of them. He was completely shivering and couldn't talk and covered in goosebumps, his skin had gone slightly blueish.
And his hair was frozen into that position. The other three turned back at him gaping at his teribble state.

Zaiku was the first to speak " SKyru is weak against the cold, yet he can resist all levels of heat."

Shrapnel began " Well dosen't he have some sort of fire attack, he is a dragon."
SKyru tried breathing fire, but he couldn't make not even an ember.
Zaiku asked then" Does any of you know how to use a bow, you can use one of his Blaze arrows."

"Umm... I can try." Shrapnel added. Skyru transformed his wing into a bow and Shrapnel picked it up off the snow it fell on, as Skyru couldn't move at all. She pulled back the string, slightly surprised by the way the arrow burst into flames, and fired it as it hit Skyru straight in the wing, which is actually his shield. and Skyru had seemed as energetic and warm as ever. Goy's face lit up.

"Can you do me next?!" She began " I'm FREEZING over here."
"Goy, if I were to shoot you with a fire arrow it would probably kill you." SKyru replied.
"Fine!" She answered "But don't you have some other fire attack you could use to heat this place up a little?" Shrapnel turned around hoping for the same thing.

"You bet!" he replied " That's genious."
"She probably dosen't get that a lot mumbled SHrapnel who was slightly cranky due to the cold weather. Skyru stuck his arms in the air. "BLAZIRIA!" and a huge ray of fire ascended towards the sky, a few minutes later, the ray stopped, and half the snow had melted and the climate was warm enough so that all four were completely unaffected by it.

"The snow will reform so we better hurry."implied Zaiku, and the continued walking towards the workshop.

Shrapnel felt a vague sense of guilt about letting Skyru melt a sizeable portion of the north pole. She tried to put it aside and hoped it would be attributted to global warming. Everything else seemed to be these days. Sighing she decided to inspect the object Goy had run into, the melting snow squishing beneath her feat. Skyru's flames had made most of the snow in the air disappear so she could see what it was clearly. A red and white striped pole with the words north pole written on a sign jutting out its side. Shrapnel groaned, a christmas special cliche in real life.

Shrapnel reached out and touched it. It was warm despite her geographical location. Would anyone beliefed her she had actually touched the pole? No matter she had done it and she thought she might always belief it. As she withdrew her hand alarms and klaxons sounded. A small video screen popped out from the pole. On it was a woman dressed in red.

"Mrs. Claus doesn't take kindly to naught children disturbing her husbands work," the figure on the screen said. "I'm afaird its coal for christmas."

All around the pole metallic objects rose from beneath the ice. Each one gleaming as if they where a piece of well maintained weaponary. Which is exactly what the were. Shrapnel's hands went immediately to her twenty cent pieces and they were both flying at the closest weapon as she dived to the side.

"What the heck?" Goy yelled as she took to the air trying to aviod the coming energy blasts.

Shrapnel's twenty-cent pieces did not find their mark. They had been melted mid air by and enery blast. She rolled to her feet and was filling the air with five cent pieces from her gauntlets.

"Think of how many naughty children in the world have the resources and the want to get up here," she explained to the fairy girl. "Santa needs some heavy weapons to deter them."

Meanwhile Skyru had manged to deflect an energy blast back towards on of the guns using his blade. It exploded melting even more of the ice cap. Goy was flying through the air always one step ahead of the energy blasts. As more of the guns trained on her Shrapnel took the oppurtunity to use fifty cent pieces. Taking care and time to aim each coin flew through the air with the decisiveness that Shrapnel had put into the throw. Soon many more guns were exploding as the coins hit vital circuitry or energy cells with enough force to damage them. Goy landed next to Shrapnel and Skyru came over to join them.

"The Easter Bunny's here," she told them.

They could hear the sound of rotating helicopter blades approaching.