You need to work on that... (God of shadows)

OOC: Yes, yes, Gos is back for a while. This time it's Flamel Creed vs. Jamenda, and I'm hoping that you take my advice this time God of shadows.

BIC: BOOOMMM!!!

“Take that *******!”

BOOOMMM!!!

“Hahahaha, was that better? I hope you enjoy this next one!”

BOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!

Flamel stood with his usual twisted smirk. Hunting down random people and killing them in the middle of dark alleys was turning out to be almost as fun as widespread havoc and confusion. Of course, nothing could beat the thrill of destroying everything in sight.

Suppressing his smirk, Creed placed his sunglasses upon his face. He was in town on business this time, not destruction. Apparently, a necromancer was in the town. It was rare that one of them would ever come by, as the town had a strict policy against them.

The main reason was because the town held the largest cemetery in the mortal world. Nearly seven miles in diameter, with gravestones as far as the eye could see. It was both the towns only tourist attraction, and its only reason to fear necromancers.

A powerful necromancer would have a large army if he worked his magic in the town cemetery. The explosives master wasn’t worrying though. According to what he had heard, this necromancer wasn’t powerful enough to control the entire graveyard.

“Something about this town is strange,” Flamel said to himself. “Something about it is making me feel… rational. Lord knows I never do anything rational.”

Creed said ‘rational’ as though it were poison on his tongue. He straightened his jacket and began to make his way to the graveyard. If the necromancer were in town he would definitely be at the graveyard by now.

“What was his name again… Jamenda? Ah, screw it. Whoever gave him that name must be a complete and total dumbass.”

Flamel soon found himself turning the corner towards the graveyard. Much to his delight, a single figure stood at the massive gate. His white hair blew in the breeze, his cloak doing much the same. He held a single spear made of bone.

“Hey, necromancer!” shouted Creed. The figure turned around, something it would end up regretting. “Ha, now I know you’re the one I’m looking for!”

Flamel smiled, his yellow eyes half closed behind his sunglasses. The madman lurched towards the necromancer in an attempt to grab and subsequently blow up his cloak. The cloaked figure sidestepped the attack, causing Creed to grab the large gate instead.

Not caring that the gate wasn’t what he was supposed to destroy, Flamel turned it into an explosive. The twelve-foot gate erupted in a flaming explosion within seconds, illuminating the madman’s smiling face.

OOC: Hehe, bit of an in-joke there. I was actually the one who named Jamenda.

ooc: sry it deleted i only ment to delete one

Jamenda socked Flamel in the face but it didn’t do anything. Flamel punched back and Jamenda fell down. Flamel reached down to touch Jamenda but Jamenda zapped him with a surge of lightning. Flamel jumped back grabbing his hand. “Damn it your going to pay for that you little *******.” Flamel said.

Jamenda jumped up and back. “I can’t believe you fell for that you Retard.” Jamenda laughed.

When Jamenda stopped laughing he looked but couldn’t see Flamel anywhere. WACK Jamenda felt a fist enter his gut. Jamenda fell to his knees and looked up seeing Flamel standing proudly. Flamel kicked Jamenda in the face sending him 5ft back. Jamenda stood up pissed off. Jamenda pulled out his halberd and took off his cloak, cracked his neck, and stood up strait. Flamel then said, ”Well isn’t that cute your mad aww.”

Jamenda just stood there. “Baby mad.” Flamel said

BOOM Flamel didn’t see it but Jamenda punched him in the gut hard. Flamel was sent 3ft in the air. When he landed Jamenda was already in the air and kicked Flamel in the head sending him flying. Jamenda landed and shot a fireball at Flamel. Flamel back flipped grabbed it and threw it back hitting Jamenda in the face. Jamenda fell but caught his fall with his hands and sent himself back on his feet. Jamenda then watched Flamel pace back and forth. Jamenda grasped his halberd. Flamel walked toward Jamenda with a grim smile that made him look like death himself.

OOC: Here's some writing advice. When a character is talking, like this: "How are you doing." Joe said. "I want to hug you." Here's the better way to do it: "How are you doing," Joe said. "I want to hug you." If the second statement is being carried over from the first one, use a comma rather than a period.

If the second sentance is being said by a different person, use a period and try to make it evident who's speaking.

Originally Posted by God of shadows

Jamenda socked Flamel in the face but it didn’t do anything.

Again, commas. Here's how it could be: Jamenda socked Flamel in the face, yet it didn't do anything.

Try to switch words around sometimes too. Here's the above sentance in yet another way: Jamenda socked Flamel in the face, yet found that it did nothing.

BIC: Flamel leapt at the necromancer, attempting to knock him into one of the nearby tombstones with a kick to the face. Jamenda, however, would not adhere. He blocked the attack, countering with a roundhouse kick to the madman’s face.

Creed fell to the ground, having been hit in mid-air. He rolled to the side to avoid an attempt by Jamenda to stab the homicidal man. Flamel let out a sigh of relief when he saw what would have happened if he hadn’t moved.

The necromancer’s halberd was lodged in the ground where Creed’s chest would have been if he hadn’t moved. Definitely not the outcome that he was hoping for. Flamel looked around for potential weapons.

The most obvious tools for explosions were the various tombstones, each of which would create a medium sized explosion while costing him less energy than a small one in the conventional way. There were also a few lampposts set here and there, the candles still burning.

“Hey necromancer,” Flamel said, inching his way towards the nearest tombstone. “I heard that you used to be a high and mighty general. What the **** happened with that?”

Jamenda followed Creed with his eyes, slowly drawing his halberd from the ground. “My friend, and the leader of the army, died. Without him the army didn’t have much of a leader.”

Flamel laughed. “He must not have been much of a leader in the first place to end up dying like that,” he then adjusted his sunglasses, surprised that they hadn’t fallen off yet. “I’ll bet he was a weak little prick.”

Creed smiled, well aware that he was definitely getting on Jamenda’s nerves. He was now within a foot of the tombstone, close enough to quickly grab it. He did so and began to concentrate on it. A tombstone of medium size, 3 to 4 feet, would only take half a second to charge up.

OOC: Sorry for the short post. As I’ve told you at school, I’ve been experiencing a tiny bit of writer’s block aftershock.

ooc: np it's big compared to mine

bic:The tombstone exploded hiding Flamel within the flame and smog. Jamenda quickly flew up into the dark sky. Tried to shoot a ball of fire, yet nothing happened. Jamenda thought for a moment then looked into the sky. The moon was bright and the stars where glowing. The darkness never pleased Jamenda more than it did now. Jamenda then felt an enormous burning sensation. Flamel had touched Jamenda’s cloak and it burst into flame. Jamenda fell into the ground. Jamenda tried to get up but Flamel placed his foot upon Jamenda’s back keeping him from moving. Flamel bent down and whispered into Jamenda’s ear, “Do you really think you can beat me.”

Jamenda didn’t say anything, but new Flamel either didn’t know of didn’t think about it being dark out. Jamenda reached for his staff only to find that it wasn’t there. Jamenda grew nervous. Flamel then let go of Jamenda and Jamenda turned around. In Jamenda’s amazement Flamel was holding Jamenda’s staff. Jamenda got up, gripped his halberd, and stared within Creed’s eyes. Jamenda didn’t move even when Flamel moved behind him. Flamel drew his blade and walked steadily closer. Jamenda heard every step. Creed lifted the blade preparing to stab his enemy. When he attempted to Jamenda took a step to the left while the blade swung in a downward strike. Jamenda with the bottom of his halberd he whacked Flamel in the head breaking his glasses. Flamel got mad and swung his sword violently. Blinded by his anger gave Jamenda a chance. Jamenda grabbed Creed’s arm and punched him in the face. Jamenda then bent Creed’s arm behind his back and bent harder and harder until Flamel dropped Jamenda’s staff. Jamenda pushed Flamel forward and grabbed his staff. Creed rolled when shoved. Flamel turned around and stared at Jamenda. Jamenda stared back. After about fifteen minuets of nothing but staring Flamel lifted his fingers and snapped them. A bomb appeared in front of Jamenda’s face. Jamenda jumped backwards jumping from hands to feet. He did this until he heard the explosion. Jamenda lifted his staff and said, “You wanted to know how good I am controlling an army well here is my proof.”

The ground started to move and Flamel looked around at the moving ground when he felt something grab his ankle. He looked down seeing to rotting hands around his ankles. Jamenda rounded a small group about one hundred dead corpses. Jamenda told his dead army to surround Flamel, so they did.