This is the prologue...

[Re-Dead]

Posted bellow is the prologue of a book that I began writing today. I haven't decided on a name yet, but it's going to be based in the future, where there's a terrible war taking place on earth.
I just thought I'd post the prologue here, just to see what people think.

[Virtigo]

Good, clean, post-apocolyptic fun.

Being picky, I'd complain about the flow of the actual writing. There's little sentence variation and a lot of sentences that just start with 'He.' Good once every four or three, maybe, sentences, but one after another is hard to do well.

Not a bad idea for a prologue, but there's a lot of background information that could make it better. More details on the war itself, I say. The prologue makes it seem more like the story will revolve around Ernie and his findings rather than the war itself.... that is until he's shot.

But reading through your entry, I felt a lack of impact when looking over the war.

I say spice it up. More drama (the shooting could've been bigger... it feels a little weak at the moment... but good way to end it), better sentence variation, and greater background.

[IHN]

Pretty interesting. Reminds me of the intro to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. That guy died too.

A few grammatical errors here and there (wrong: it's dog. right: its dog. wrong: its raining. right: it's raining.) and the word he was used a little too much to start off sentences, but other than that it was written pretty well.

I do have to point out that the cities can not be in the clouds, thousands of miles over the Earth's surface. If I remember correctly, the Earth's atmosphere ends at mile 6.

[Re-Dead]

Heh heh, thanks for your criticisms. Especially about that mile 6 thing. I'll make a few changes, thanks.
About more details on the war, I was planning on bringing up more details on the war over time rather than just cramming the prolouge full of information. Also, the bulk of the book isn't going to take place in the war at all, but in the corrupt city, Pegasus.
Anyway, thanks Virtigo and Xeranos. I appreciate you reading it and helping me out.