The Calmarian; A Story By: Leminnes

[Leminnes]

The Calmarian
By Leminnes

Prologue

The world crumpled under the inward pressure. It almost worked. Sir Bylon made his way back to the machine. A huge machine that Sir Bylon designed and built himself. It was an amazing piece of machinery, over a hundred feet wide. It was made of two main parts, the numental arc, which was a large piece of titanium tubing curved over to look tike an unfinished oval. The other part was the small console used to control the machine.

Sir Bylon went to the console. Bylon was probably the only one who could run it, complicated menus and small buttons, over one-hundred of them. Bylon pressed a few buttons as the machine warmed-up. Small sparks started traveling back and forth from the two sides of the numental arc as a small speck of matter grew from a grain of salt to a lopsided baseball. Soon the matter was hundreds of feet wide.

It seemed to be working again. You could see the excitement in Bylon’s eyes. Then someone came blasting through the closed door. The mysterious figure spoke.

“I can’t allow you to do this, Calman. You don’t know how much pain you will cause!” The stranger seemed to fly towards Bylon.

“I don’t know your business here or who Calman is. Please stranger, leave me to my work,” Bylon said in desperation.

“Do not lie to me. You are Calman and you deserve to die for your crimes. As punishment you WILL die,” With this the stranger flew to the console and pressed a button, “Now the pain will never happen!” The stranger disappeared, like sand it a hard wind.

Bylon was left there staring at the primordial planet. Small orange and yellow cracks covering its large dark russet surface. The planet contracted inward then, as if by will of god, blasted outwards towards Bylon. Pain couldn’t describe what Bylon was feeling but a few seconds later, Bylon had no feelings. Little did the stranger know that his own action put forth the steps that caused his pain.

Anyone care to respond?

[achitka]

Well, is different that's for sure. Be interested in seeing more if you have it. One thing though the last sentence was a bit confusing and came across - just not quite right

[Leminnes]

It's put forth in a poetic manner. "Little did the stranger know that his own action put forth the steps that caused his pain. " put in simpler terms is: The stranger didn't know that the killing of Sir Bylon was the cause of the pain he was talking about earlier.
I hope that helps. My writing I try to make as poetic as I can, I think it gives more clor to the story.

[southern belle]

Nice work Leminnes! Can't wait to see what you do with this! I have a suggestion for you. You said you didn't know how to indent on the PHP thing, so instead, type your story into a quote in your post. Then it will be seperated without the huge long lines. Can't wait to see more of this!