stuck on an intro need help

i was wondering if anyone could help me on an intro for my story im trying to write. its a really hard choice for me to make because it all has to do with the begging of the story and both beggings i have to chose between of course will altear (sp) the whole story. so thats why im asking for you ZUers opinion to help me out and im going to type what my two ideas for the begging are and i want you to tell me which one you think is the best so here goes. EDIT: keep in mind these are just general ideas not the whole story so it might not make complete sense and if you help i will post the story up if its any good.

1. Eve and her family just moved into a little town called Tally. they had only lived there for about a year when they noticed wierd things started happing people were being killed in the upper part of town for supposbly no reason at all. her father decided to go check it out one day and turns out some of the victoms were being bit and left to die . turns out that there were some supposbly vampires about killing and not eating ther victoms. a couple of days later a strange man with a bunch of guys moved into town. they seemed very supicious to us all but exspecially to her father. one day after work her father decide to go to the local bar and i was worried sick about him do to the vampires. around 12am he finally came home he fell on the couch and quickly went to sleep a couple of minutes later a knock at the door. it was the man her father answered the door, the man quickly bit him and sucked his blood then his goons entered they raced up stairs they killed her mom and her brother Eve was the only one left they bit her, but they didnt kill her turns out there master sensed somthing about her, he decided to turn her into a vampire and leave here there. the next night Eve woke up wandering what had happend realising her family was dead she started crying , she then had flash backs of the night before and what had happend she swore from that moment on shed get revenge on the man and the killer vampires.

(0.o i should have mentioned this is based on my rpg charactor i have so the story will be slitly changed to fit like Eve was telling the story herself)

2. ( this is kind of a combo of interview with a vampire/ underworld) Same beggining but Eve lives with her father only.) ......Eves father comes home from the local bar , he passes out on the couch. the next day eve wakes up and realizes her father doesnt look to well and she calls the doctor. the doctor comes over takes a look at her dad and tells Eve that her dad is real sick and it looks like hes not going to make it through the winter. Eve starts balling not knowing what to do or say the doctor gives Eve some medicine and tells her to give him this and it will make him a little better then tells her that everything will be ok and if the time comes she can live with him. she tries to put on a smile for his sake but the tears keep coming,the doctor then leaves them alone. the next night a knock at the door its a strange man he walks over to Eves father and bites him Eve quickly trys to drag the man off but he then turns around and bites her turning her into a vampire. Eve wakes up and sees the man standing in the corner . he speaks now my child your one of us...


ok thats all i can give u for now please tell me what one you like and what you think and i know i could just write two stories but id rather just write one. sorry this is so long to and thanks for ur time.


this can be moved if it must.

Is an interesting - but slightly overdone idea. Also wouldn't hurt if you spent a little time editing all this. You have a lot of random spelling and stuff wrong. But I get what you're saying. Maybe if you expanded your RPG to include why they moved there?