My Poems...

Well I did these a while back, but i hope you like them both.

Drowning

Blood spills,
Flesh Infestated,
One law, many kills,
Men are dated.

Flocking here the daemons are,
Flocking here the humans are,
For they won't get very far,
no they won't get very far.

The spear ascends,
It calls,
Their spirits amend,
Women and children fall.

Men run to the hills,
Daemons poor out of the woods,
Black riders with so many kills,
Black stallions canter with groundbreaking thuds.

They are drowning,
Sinking into the dark,
The dark ones frowning,
Over confident and stark.

As the life gets raped,
The land breaks,
No more grapes,
No more lakes.

Death is taking it,
It is taking the planet,
Men are drowning in a black pit,
Death can take over, Can it?

On a Hobbit's Summer Eve

When the hobbits would flock like many a sheep do,
you would hear the crackle of cooking stew,
you would crinkle a leaf in your bare open hand,
and stare in awe at the untouched land,
The hobbits summer evening is quite a lark,
even the evil ones are untouched by the dark,
yet nothing is evil in hobbit land,
so crinkle a leaf in your bare open hand,
so peaceful it is on a summer eve,
seeing the hobbits sew and weave,
you would hear the bird sing and chirp,
and hear a drunked produce a loud burp,
in hobbit land it is so beautiful and nice,
just watch them sit and eat chicken and rice,
such a wonderful creature the hobbit happens to be,
far more intelligent that you or me,
be polite to the hobbit and polite they will be to you,
and maybe they might just cook you some stew,
on a summers eve the hobbits flock,
like a sheep would do.

Those were both very good. I really liked the Hobbit one - had a hip hop bouncy quality that appealed to me.

I liked both of your poems! That first one sounded especially dark and forboding. That's the kind of poetry I like to write too. We're all just dark people here. ^^

hey! both of those were great! I esspecially liked the hobbit one, cuz like achitka said it had a nice bouncy feel to it. And hobbits are kinda bouncy, and cheerful and stuff, so you did a good job of getting it organized and good couplet rhyming. I think its called that...

The first one was good as well, except you needed to think on it more, which I like.

I thought your poems were really cool! :cool: I prefered the second one, but that's just because I don't really care for dark things all that much. The second fit my personality more. I thought they were both really good though. You should keep writing. I write a lot of poetry myself and I think it's a great way to express yourself or to just have fun!
Poetry rules!

The first one was very dark. The second, on the other hand, was the opposite. As a few people said, it had a sort of rhythm to it. I'm guessing you like Lord of the Rings, because I'm just reminded of LotR.

Very cool. Very deep.

Yes I love LOTR lol, well thanks guys ^_^. The first one I think i could have spent a bit more time and thought on but the hobbit one took a while and I put alot of thought into that. Thanks again

The hobbit one I kind of wrote it from Bilbo's perspective, when he was away from fellow hobbits for such a long time.