My Story (Tentative Title)

Alrighty, I'm making a new story, and I hope you all like it. Sorry if the foreword is crappy, but I'll have a better version prepared within a few days. Let me know if u like it!

Foreword

Long ago, in the ages of magic and swordsmanship, a dark force lay hidden underneath the surface of the ground. This absolute power, this sadistic strength, nearly destroyed the world with in its evil grasp. Had it not been for one individual, nothing would exist. Nothing would be. No words would cross, no inventions would be made, no future would be set. All would have been lost.

This great being that saved the world from the evil was a mere mortal at the time, and a child at that. Merely at the age of fourteen, he held a blade that shone with the many colors of the rainbow. No one could best him when it came to swords, and he took this into account as he lived a quaint life within his mountainside village. As quaint as his life was, this boy’s life and sacrifice would go down in History. He would be known as the mighty, omni-powerful swordsman, Rio Cerberus.

A few months after his fourteenth birthday, he went atop the mountain that his village resided beside to face his ultimate test: Fighting the Angelic Pupil. This pupil of the Angels, Khayoro Solus, was a trained boy in the art of the sword, just like Rio, and was fourteen. At the tender age of four, Khayoro lost his way in a forest, and nearly died of starvation, had it not been for his strong will and determination. The Angels of Lore, who resided in the heavens, watched upon his struggle, stamina, and will to push onward, and decided that he was the one that could truly become the world’s first Demigod. And so, a courier of the Angels descended from the heavens and began to teach Khayoro the ways of the blade. Just like Rio, Khayoro was a deft of the sword.

As Rio met with the Angelic Pupil, the two began a malicious battle. Shields were broken, cuts were slit, and lives were nearly taken. In the end, Rio triumphed over Khayoro, and if by some cruel, twisted fate, was given the worst experience of his life.

Khayoro dug his sword in the ground and knelt beside it, admitting defeat. Just as the two young swordsman were about to exchange handshakes, a dark aura surrounded them. The mountain upon which they stood crumbled into a bare nothingness, revealing an ominous Shadow.

In few words, the abomination took the form of a man, and unsheathed a black, glowing sword. As it marched towards Khayoro and Rio, it uttered a phrase that would dub it for all eternity. “Na…Oh…Ru…”

No one knows what the word Naoru meant, and most believed that that was the creature’s name. And so, the dark shadow, Naoru, rushed in at the two young swordsmen and…

The pages stopped. The legend stopped abruptly with them. Without those final pages of the legend, a certain grandfather could not finish telling his two grandsons a tale that would effect their lives forever.

Looks very interesting. I like the story of your main character. Can't wait for more.

Interesting.I look forward to reading more.

HAppy to see you all like it, Chapter one will be coming in soon.

Well, I hope I get some more reads on this story than i am currently getting. So, here is Chapter One!

Chapter One: The Curtain of Darkness

The two boys sat there, bewildered at their grandfather’s book, and were left in a state of undeniable suspense. “But…” muttered Alex, the younger of the two children, in his small voice. “What happens next gramps? Do Weeo and Kh, kh, k‘yoro, beat Naoru? ”

The old man looked down at his four year old grandson and smiled. “My dear boy,” he said enthusiastically, “do not fret. Although the last page of this book is gone, nothing could be better. Who says that you need what was written to figure it out? Young one, you should pave your own destiny.”

The other child, one of dark hair and deep blue eyes, crossed his arms and sighed. “Humph.” He grunted. “I’m going to find that last page someday, gramps. Just watch me.” The boys’ grandfather smiled at him, and stood up with a stretch, yawning. “Alright then, Spike. I shall let you pave that path. After all, I’m not one to stop you, eh?”

The two children smiled. “Then with our story done,” said Spike, yawning in imitation to his grandfather, “does that mean that it’s bedtime?” The old man nodded subtly, and tucked his grandchildren into their beds, turned out the lights, and walked out of the room.

On the top bunk of their bed, Alex lay awake, wide-eyed, wishing he had known what happened to Rio and Khayoro. “Something…” he said quietly, “something just doesn’t seem right…” From the lower bunk, Spike softly spoke to his brother. “Hey,” he said, “Alex, the last page of the book… I know we’ll find it someday. Someday we’ll figure out what happened to Rio and Khayoro. And don’t listen to gramps. His philosophies are dumb and senile. You can’t pave your own destiny, because it’s already there for you. Nothing you do can change that.”

Although Alex couldn’t understand the words “philosophy” and “senile” that his ten-year-old brother had spoken, he somehow got the message, and went into a deep sleep thinking about it; wondering if he really would ever find out what happened to the ancient heroes of yore, Rio Cerberus, and Khayoro Solus.

* * *

Nine Years Later…


The day shone with elegance of nothing that he could describe. Alex Solian, now at the pubescent age of thirteen, was finally realizing his dream: Sword wielding. His blade was wooden at the time, and its was crafted out of the finest oak; indeed a woodsmith’s delight. “Yah!” He yelled as he thrust his wooden blade upon a mannequin, making it vibrate fiercely.

Just then, Alex’s older brother, Spike, walked outside to join him in sword practicing. “Good Morning, Alex.” He said happily, unsheathing his steel blade. Just as the crest of the blade left its hilt, an awkward silence befell the two boys. Alex stared at his brother incredulously, and moaned at the sight of his pathetic wooden blade.

“You know as well as I do,” said Alex flinging his sword around carelessly, “that you, being nineteen, can wield a full fledged steel sword, while I’m stuck with this piece of crap.”

Spike laughed at his brother’s inquiry, and patted the young swordsman on the shoulder. “Hey, hey…” he reassured, “Don’t get too down on yourself. You’ll get a real sword some day, you’re just not ready for one now.” Alex stared at his feet in dead silence. His dreams were sent into oblivion whenever Spike tried to “reassure” him that he would one day hold a sword of steel. Sad to see his brother’s expression, he sighed. “When the day comes that you wield a true sword,” Spike said softly, “I’ll be there to challenge you. Nothing can separate us, brother. Keep that in mind as you spend your days on this earth.” And with that, he walked back into the house from whence he came.

Alex looked at his sword, dumbfounded at its strangeness. “What is it that you can do?” He muttered quietly as he placed the sword back into its holster. “What it is that any sword at all can do for me?” After his words, he went into his house, and quietly sat down on his couch, taking a leisurely nap.

* * *

Later that night, Alex awoke from his nap, realizing that he had slept longer than planned. Fixing his hair to a more appropriate fashion, he sat up from the couch and went to the kitchen to get some water. Halfway there, however, he saw a figure outside the living room window. Being as suspicious as he was, he walked out of the house, grabbing his sword along the way. What met his eyes outside was nothing more than Spike and his gang members that traveled around the village at night. Normally something Alex wouldn’t bother with, he ironically followed them in to the depths of the fields behind their house.

“Come on, you fools!” Yelled Spike maliciously as he yelled at his fellow gang members. “We’ve nearly done it!”

‘Done what?’ Thought Alex curiously.

Suddenly, Spike’s voice raised in pitch, and Alex was shocked at his brothers words, “We’ve got the last page! Now, we have to hurry to the altar to reunite it with the book!”

Alex continued to follow the troop into the depths of the forests, and he began to worry. All his life, he and Spike had strived to find the last page of the legend their grandfather had read them those many years ago. Yet still, Alex believed it was a lost cause; a fun game that could easily be used to pass time. “Is Spike…” muttered Alex quietly, “Is Spike really going to connect the last page to the book?”

Spike stopped abruptly. “Thomas, Keiji, Craig, stop.” said Alex’s brother. “Don’t make any movements…” Slowly, Spike walked towards Alex’s position and unsheathed his sword. “Shadow Saber…” Spike said softly, “Grant me the power to seek out this eavesdropper…”

Alex’s thoughts raced. Shadow Saber? What was that? Was he interfering with Spike’s plans? Alex slowly stepped back in fear of his brother’s rage, and tripped on a stubborn tree branch. “Ouch!” He yelled instinctively, thus blowing his cover.

“Huh?” Said Spike as he sheathed his sword. “A…Alex?!?” The swordsman rushed to his younger brother and picked him up solemnly. “Ay…” He said in a disdainful tone. “Why are you here, little brother?” Alex’s face coursed with fear. What was he to say? Should he admit that he was eavesdropping on Spike, or should he fib and say he was walking aimlessly in the forest?

“I…” stuttered Alex, “Um… I…………”

Spike groaned, and walked his brother back over to his gang. “Sorry guys,” he said sadly as he squeezed Alex’s arm painfully. “We won’t be able to accomplish our little ‘job’ tonight because of Alex.” Spike looked over to one of his larger thugs and pointed his head towards Alex. “Keiji, you, Thomas, and Craig take Alex back, okay?” Spike released Alex’s arm, and Keiji just as quickly grabbed it back.

The large thug looked back at Spike, and the sword at Spike’s waist began to glow mysteriously. “What of you, Spike?”

Spike looked at Keiji sternly. “I’ll be fine. So long as the seal isn’t broken, the Demon shan’t escape, and Nervius will remain in Universal Minority form.”

Alex’s eyes widened as he walked back home. “Keiji,” he said to the thug who was grasping his arm, “what did Spike mean by ‘The Demon’”? And what on Earth is Nervius?!?” Keiji turned one, mean eye towards Alex and squeezed his arm harder.

“Child,” he said sternly, “that is not for you to know.” At that moment, Alex silenced.

* * *

The next morning, Alex awoke to dead silence. Normally, his mornings were quiet, but this kind of silence was almost… abnormal. With a yawn, Alex walked out of his room. “Spike?” He asked quietly. “Spike? Where are you?” No sooner had he said that, that a deafening scream was heard outside.

“AUGH! DEMONS!!!”

Alex grabbed his wooden sword, and rushed quickly out the door, not saying a word. “Whatever the god-forsaken sword can do for me is not of my knowing,” thought Alex maturely, “but whatever these demons out here are capable of……… This sword’s power has to be enough.”

As Alex rushed outside, he was taken quiet aback at the scenery surrounding him. The forests in which he stood the very last night were engulfed in flames. “What the-” he said, and was instantly cut off by a chaotic pillar of dark energies that ascended from the flames’ epicenter. “What in God’s name is going on here?!?” Yelled Alex as he saw more and more destruction come out from the flames that slowly encroached upon the city. At the same time, maleficent demons rampaged around the town, and blood spattered in every direction. But before Alex could act, he heard a familiar voice from behind him…

“I failed…” It said. “Alex… I failed…” Alex turned around to see his brother enshrined in blood. A tiger’s tail had sprouted out of his tailbone, and his once steel sword gained a scimitar-like appearance, and gave off a dark aura. Spike himself was deprived of any facial emotion, and looked as if he had seen people be slaughtered right in front of him. “The Seal has broken, Alex… The Demon shall escape… Nervius shall once again take the place of Universal Superiority… And Earth will fall back into the shadows once more………”

Alex looked at his brother in fear, and rushed towards him. “Spike, what has happened here?!? What is Nervius?!? What is this Seal you speak of?!? What have you failed to do?!? Please, brother! Tell me!!!” Spike embraced his teenage brother in his arms, and let the boy weep.

“Alex…” said Spike. “This is our destiny……… We will not be able to change or pave it now.” With his brother still in his arms, he rushed into the chaotic pillar of Dark Energies, and left the world as he, Alex, or anyone else on Earth would ever know.

Wow Akechi-kun i didn't know u could write so well! ^^;; keep it up (my english sux)

VERY NICE!!! I like this story a lot and I can't wait to read more of it. At first I thought it was going to be a fan-fic, and I almost left, but I decided to give it a chance and PHEW! am I glad I did! Excellent work Keiji Maeda! Post more really soon please!

Wow!!!!! I am so happy all of you love it so much!!!! links_mistress, darling, your hubby thanks u for ur support. You too southern belle! More will be here by the end of next week, promise!

Very nicely written, I like the plot and character development. Just a little nit-picking below, I try to tweak everyone's writing to it's best. Disregard them if you like, it's nothing major (except maybe the first one).

“What it is that any sword at all can do for me?”

Shouldn't it be, "What is it that any sword at all can do for me?"

‘Done what?’ Thought Alex curiously.

Thoughts in italics are more fitting.

It'd be nice if it was "A-Alex?" instead. That replaces the elipses with a hypen, making it sound more stuttered, and the "?!?" with just a single, regular question mark. I try not to use "?!?!?!" in formal writing, it makes it sound too... 'kiddish'.

“I…” stuttered Alex, “Um… I…………”

“Whatever the god-forsaken sword can do for me is not of my knowing,” thought Alex maturely, “but whatever these demons out here are capable of……… This sword’s power has to be enough.”

And Earth will fall back into the shadows once more………”

“This is our destiny……… We will not be able to change or pave it now.”

Too many elipses'. There's only supposed to be three or four, depending on your grammar.

Ay, ur REALLY nit picky, amigo. I suppose I agree with a fwe of them, but a few others shan't be changed. So, taking more reviews....

Nicely done. I like the main character especially. Will chapter 2 be coming soon?

Ay, ur REALLY nit picky, amigo. I suppose I agree with a fwe of them, but a few others shan't be changed. So, taking more reviews....

I know. That's why I told you to disregard some of them. But I think stick to only three dots in a row... yeah. So where's chapter 2? *gets all hyper-jittery and excited*

haydenjenz... .___.;; You totally deprived me of the review I wanted to write. T___T

I think haydenjenz's advice on the question marks was actually very good. It looks kind of noobish when a writer uses multiple exclamations, no offense.

Overall, your story was pretty good. I was, however, in the beginning, kinda confused about what time period it was supposed to take place in. ^^; Other then that, not much for me to complain about... it looks like it could be pretty good as long as it doesn't follow down the often-traveled path of generic fantasy stories. :3

I'll try to keep my eye on this. Keep up the good work!

-SC

*nods head* Yes very good, my friend. Keep up the great work, you know how I hate to wait.

Originally Posted by Lakayal

it looks like it could be pretty good as long as it doesn't follow down the often-traveled path of generic fantasy stories.

Explain to me this path.

As for the question marks thing, I normally dont do so many of those, only when someone is really shocked. And "!!!" is dumb, yes. And I NEVER use "?!?!?!?!", the only thing I use is ?!?. I'll be keeping it, and i hope it doesnt make it too annyoing. Glad you all like it. And, As the story goes on, I'd like u all to come up with a title, and I'll see which one i like da best! w00t! But seriously, I am loving these commentos! *Writes Chapter Two*

PS: The critisim (If constructive) is much better for me than reviews. I need it very bad, for I am thinking on publishing this story after MUCH editing.

EDIT: Like what haydenjez did in correcting my "What it is" mistake, I'd like anyone who feels they should to correct me. In other words, if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes you would like to point out to me, PLEASE do so, as it is greatly appricated. (Current Length of chapter 2: 450 words)