The Legend of Zelda: Call of Destiny

Here's a sneak preview of my third Fan Fiction. I won't go too far, as the later chapters contain characters from The Millennium Door, which I haven't finished posting yet. However, just have a butcher's at this!

Chapter 1: Trapped

Link ran around the corner. All around him, the streets of the city were deserted. He rounded another corner, and found himself in a dead end, at the bottom of an alley.
“No,” he said. “No, I can’t give up.” He was breathing heavily from all the running. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was running from, but he knew he couldn’t let it get him. He spotted a door out of the corner of his eye, and charged at it, kicking with all his might. The door splintered, but held fast.
“Damn!” he said. “C’mon!”
He rammed the door with his shoulder, and it swung open. He ran through the building, trying to find another door. He ended up in a room with only a window, overlooking the street, which was evidently lower than the alley he had come from. He could hear the footsteps of the thing chasing him.
“I can’t give up now,” said Link. His tunic was torn and ragged, his hair matted and unwashed. He dived through the window, shattering the glass, and rolled to his feet as he landed. The glass cut into his arms, but he had bigger things to worry about. He rounded a corner, pushing against the opposite wall for speed, and found himself in a dead end. There were no doors this time. The only ways out were the way from which he had entered, and the 20 foot wall in front of him. He scrambled up the wall, dropping down on the other side, and ran to the end of the alley. As he glanced back, he could see the creature walk straight through the wall.
“That’s impossible!” said Link. Sweat was now pouring from his brow, and his chest was heaving. He couldn’t run for much longer. He ran down the nearest street, and spotted a fire escape to his left. Jumping up, he caught the ladder and pulled himself up. As he sprinted up the metal steps, he could see the creature below him; a huge dark mass, without shape or form. It reached up to the ladder and climbed up it. Link noticed how it seemed to change size slightly as it climbed the ladder. He reached the top of the steps, and vaulted over the railing onto the rooftop. He ran along the rooftop, now gasping for breath, and reached the far side. The alley between this building and the next was about 10 feet wide. His only hope was to jump over to the next building. He glanced back, and saw the dark monster reach the top of the steps and walk through the railing.
“Only one chance,” said Link, almost completely exhausted now. He took a few steps back, and ran towards the edge, leaping as he reached it. He put all of his remaining strength into the jump, but it wasn’t enough. His fingertips scraped the cold stone of the wall as he slid down, falling back and hitting the ground hard. He was in agony, and couldn’t stand up. As the monster dropped down from the rooftop, hitting the ground with a loud thud and cracking the ground, Link backed away into a corner. The monster walked towards him slowly, and Link reached for his Master Sword. As he grasped at thin air, he saw it lying on the ground, no more than 5 feet from him. If he could just reach it…
“Almost… there…” he gasped as he reached towards it. As his fingers closed around the hilt of the weapon, the monster grabbed him by the throat and lifted him from the ground. He raised the weapon, and slashed at the monster with every ounce of strength he could gather, but the blade passed straight through it.
“What are you?” gasped Link. The monster lifted him higher; he could hear its rattling breath, feel its pure evil power.
“Your fate is written,” rasped the monster as it tightened its grip, squeezing the breath from his body. His grip loosened on the Master Sword, and it slid from his grasp, hitting the ground with a dull clang. His vision went blurry.
“No…” he gasped. “I… can’t… go…”

What do you think?

I like it, sort of like Link is having a really bad dream...Anyway to the other. I have just a few suggestions

#1

“Damn!” he said. “C’mon!”

Shouldn't you be using a stronger descriptive here than "he said"? More like shouted or cried or something like that.... ((this comment can be repeated for the other instances in your story))

#2

He rounded a corner, pushing against the opposite wall for speed, and found himself in a dead end.

Maybe "found himself at a dead end"?

#3 Typically all number under one hundred should be spelled out.

Good stuff, really like where your going with this- Keep up the good work!
((See was just a little hatchet..))

Thanks. I don't want to give too much away until I'm finished posting The Millennium Door, so the next chapter won't arrive until later in the month.

Can't wait till next chapter. The story is pretty good. Did you say that was just A preview?

Ahh! Too...small...an excerpt...can't grasp...plot...

C'mon man, hurry up and give us the rest!

Not bad. Not bad at all. When're you going to post the next bit?

Oh, and I noticed you called it "his" Master Sword. As there is only one (as every Zelda player should know), shouldn't it be "the" Master Sword?

Well, I just posted the final chapters of The Millennium Door, meaning that I can now post more of this. Enjoy.

Chapter 2: Left Behind

“Link? Link? Talk to me!” said a concerned female voice.
Link awoke suddenly, and took in his surroundings. He was lying in New Jomolo town square, and a large crowd was gathered round him.
“Boklinda? What happened?” asked Link. Boklinda was a young Bokoblin whom Link had met about a week previously. They had travelled together, and had helped save the world from Lowthos the Destroyer, an ancient demon that had, that very same day, tried to destroy the world.
“You fell asleep, and then you started talking to yourself,” said Moby, a Moblin who had also travelled with Link.
“We thought maybe you’d had a bit too much ale,” said Zorakello, who was a young Zora, and another of Link’s companions.
“Talking?” asked Link. “What about?”
“Something about fate,” said Goriola, a Goron woman whom Link had met in the Winter Woods. “I couldn’t understand most of it.”
“Yeah, then you started having a fit or something,” said Katrina, a Poe girl from Midnight Village.
“We were all worried about you,” said Stalfian, a Stalfos pirate.
“You sure you’re okay, Link?” asked Tidus. Tidus had been Link’s main helper in defeating Lowthos the Destroyer.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” said Link, standing up. “Where’s Zelda?”
“She went back to the inn about an hour ago,” said Tidus. “You probably should too. C’mon, I could use some rest myself.”
Link and Tidus headed for the inn, and Link glanced back at the crowd, who had now gone back to dancing and partying. Stood in the middle of the group, was a huge dark monster, 20 feet tall, covered in dark flames.
“Your fate is written,” it rasped.
“Tidus! Look! Over there!” said Link, pointing. Tidus turned round.
“Where?” asked Tidus. “I don’t see anything.”
“But its right there!” said Link, and he turned back to the crowd. The monster was gone.
“Link, you need rest,” said Tidus. He led Link inside and found him a room.
“See you tomorrow,” he yawned, heading for his own room. Link lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
“My fate is written,” he said aloud. “What does that mean? And what was that thing?”
“Link, are you in here?” asked a voice from outside. “Can I come in? It’s urgent!”
“Okay Professor Bokorle, come in,” said Link. Professor Bokorle was an old Bokoblin who had helped Link and his companions on their travels. He walked in and sat down next to Link.
“What can I do for you?” asked Link.
“Link, I know this isn’t a good time,” said Bokorle. “But I have bad news.”
“There’s never a good time for bad news,” said Link. “What’s wrong now? Let me guess… Lowthos is back?”
“No, worse,” said Bokorle. “Boklinda showed me the stone tablet that Tidus found.”
Link nodded, remembering that Tidus had indeed found a stone tablet in the Shrine of Destruction. It had said that Lowthos would destroy the world if awakened.
“Yeah, but Boklinda cracked it for us,” said Link. “Something about how Lowthos would destroy the world.”
“If you’ll just let me explain,” said Bokorle sternly, and Link was silent. He had never heard Bokorle this serious before.
“Thank you. Now, as I was saying, the tablet said ‘There is no hope for this world. Fate has frowned upon it’, right?” he asked. Link nodded.
“Well, it meant what it said,” explained Bokorle. “Lowthos was not meant to be defeated. You altered fate when you defeated Lowthos the Destroyer.”
“But if I saved the entire world, then what’s the problem?” asked Link.
“You don’t understand,” said Bokorle. “You weren’t meant to save the world! That was for Tidus to do! You should have been destroyed by Lowthos. Now destiny will come for you, and none can stand in its way!”
“Destiny…” said Link. “My fate is written…”
“Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” said Bokorle.
“No, listen to me!” said Link. “When I fell asleep outside, I saw this monster. It told me my fate was written. But it was more than a dream. I saw it again when I was awake.”
“What did this monster look like?” asked Bokorle.
“It was huge and black,” said Link. “I couldn’t make out a shape, it kept changing.”
“I think it might have been…” said Bokorle, but was quickly silenced by a blade going through his chest from behind. He fell to the ground, and behind him was the monster that Link had seen in his dream.
“No,” said Link.” No! What’s happening?”
“Your fate is written,” said the monster, and then it vanished just as the door burst open. Tidus and Zelda ran in.
“Link, what’s going on?” asked Zelda as she took in the scene.
“Link, have you lost it?” asked Tidus. Link looked down and saw the Master Sword through Bokorle’s back.
“It wasn’t me,” said Link. “The monster I saw, it was in here, and…”
“Link, you have to come outside,” said Zorakello, bursting into the room. “They’ve got a break dancing contest going, and Don Meganut’s up next!”
Link followed Zorakello outside, picking up the Master Sword on the way. Don Meganut was dancing near the harbour, but a sailor carrying a large stack of boxes was going towards him, and neither of them could see each other.
“Don! Look out!” said Link. Don Meganut turned round and saw the sailor, who bumped into him. Link watched in horror as the Don fell into the water and sank below the surface. Eventually he headed back to the inn and gathered his belongings.
“Link, where are you going?” asked Zelda.
“Bokorle said destiny will take all who stand between me and it,” said Link. “If I stay here, each and every one of you is going to die! There’s only one thing to do.”
He left the inn, turning back as he reached the harbour and climbed into a small boat.
“I have to get out of here,” he said. He started the engine of the boat and left New Jomolo, looking back one last time at his friends; the friends he could never see again.

Okay. Interesting development here. I think it could do without the lists, but I guess you needed to introduce the other characters.

One problem: what the heck is a mechanical engine doing in the same world as the Master Sword?

I wanted it there. So, it is there. Hey, it's Zelda. Anything can happen. It's also fan fiction. Even more stuff can happen. And probably will. Well, not to disappoint, so here's another chapter for my adoring fans...

Chapter 3: Fate Strikes

Link slowed his boat as he approached land. He saw that he was on Lake Hylia, and stopped opposite the site of the Water Temple. He got out of the boat and ran to Kakariko Village, where he had moved in after defeating Annihol. It was now almost midnight, and Link knew he would be able to leave before anyone noticed he had returned. He ran to his house, grabbed a large sack, and began stuffing his possessions into it. He couldn’t stay long; he couldn’t put anyone in danger. He left the house and headed for the stable, but was stopped by his friend Raven.
“Link, what’s up?” asked Raven. “I thought you were still on vacation.”
“Raven, I can’t explain,” said Link. “I don’t have time!”
“Are you leaving town?” asked Raven.
“Yes,” said Link, indicating the heavy sack in his hand. “Now if you don’t mind, I have to get Epona and leave Hyrule before anything bad happens to anyone.”
“Link, what are you talking about?” asked Raven. Link sighed.
“Yesterday, I saved the world from an ancient demon called Lowthos the Destroyer,” said Link quickly.
“Whoa, that’s twice in a month!” said Raven, but Link silenced him.
“Listen to me, will you?” he snapped. “Anyway, it turns out I wasn’t supposed to save Hyrule. I was supposed to be killed, and another guy, named Tidus, should have beaten Lowthos. Since I survived, I avoided fate, and now fate will be coming for me, along with anyone who stands in its way. That includes you.”
“Link, you’ve lost it,” said Raven. Just then, a lightning bolt struck Raven’s house, which burned to the ground in minutes.
“No!” screamed Raven! “Steph! John! Fiona!”
Steph was Raven’s wife, and John and Fiona were his children. They were still inside the house when the lightning struck. They didn’t stand a chance.
“Raven, I’m sorry,” said Link. “But now do you see why I can’t stay?” Link felt sick inside. Raven’s family had died because of him. He shouldn’t have come back.
“Link, they’d still be alive if it wasn’t for you!” shouted Raven. “Get out of here, and don’t come back!”
Link headed for the stables, where he found Epona and a few other horses. He climbed over the gate and walked towards Epona, climbing onto her back.
“Come on,” he said to her. “We have to go.”
Another lightning bolt came down and the house next to the stable burst into flame. Link rode towards the gate and Epona jumped over it, and they rode out of the village. As Link looked back, he saw the dark monster standing in the middle of the town. Would this nightmare never end? Was this monster going to chase Link for the rest of his life? How many other innocent people would have to suffer, like poor Raven? These questions pounded in Link’s brain as he rode west, away from Hyrule.

Here's another chapter for youse.

Chapter 4: Unfortunate Reunion

Link rode for days on end, avoiding main roads, trying to stay as far away from other people. He didn’t want any more disasters like the ones in Kakariko Village. Eventually, he reached a small port town. He doubted anyone here would know him, so he should be able to pass through quickly. He stopped at a small shop to buy supplies.
“So that’s 3 bottles of blue potion, 30 arrows, 25 bombs, 4 raw Cuccos, a ready-made nosebag, and a tin of sword polish,” said the shop assistant. “500 rupees please, sir.”
Link paid the shop assistant and left, mounting Epona and heading for the port. With any luck, he would be able to leave town quickly. He boarded a ferry, and they soon left the port. Link’s heart skipped a beat when he heard the captain’s voice.
“We are now bound for Zora’s Point; we should arrive in about 5 hours. In the meantime, please relax and enjoy your journey,” he said. “My name is Stalfian, and I will be your captain for the duration of this… blow me down! Link!”
“Stalfian,” said Link. “Can you keep it down a bit; I don’t want too much attention.”
“Sorry lad,” said Stalfian. “So what’s happening, then? I haven’t seen you for days! Not since you left New Jomolo. What was that about, anyway?”
Link explained to Stalfian about what Bokorle had told him, and about what had happened in Kakariko.
“I see,” said Stalfian. “You’re sure it’s not just coincidence?”
”Definitely,” said Link. “Every time something’s happened, I’ve seen the monster.”
”Well, I think I might know what that monster is,” said Stalfian, but Link stopped him.
“Wait,” said Link. “Bokorle tried to tell me, and he ended up dead. And there are innocent people here.”
”Link, I assure you, I have no intention of popping my clogs here,” said Stalfian. “I do believe that, based on your descriptions of the monster ion question, it might have been the master of the Underworld himself. I have heard tales that he chases down those who have sidestepped destiny, driving them to insanity, and then destroying them.”
Link was looking round frantically, searching for anything dangerous. He spotted a craggy rock directly in the path of their ship.
“Stalfian, watch out!” said Link. Stalfian swerved the ship, and they narrowly missed the rock. Link looked back and saw the monster standing on the rock. Keeping his eyes fixed on it, he nudged Stalfian.
“There,” he said, pointing to the rock. “Can you see it?”
”Link, only those who have avoided death can see him,” said Stalfian.
Link looked around, and noticed several black objects circling their ship. Suddenly, there was a spluttering sound.
“Great,” said Stalfian. “The engine just packed up. Talk about bad luck.”
”No,” said Link. “Not luck. Fate.”
”Link, what are you talking about?” asked Stalfian, then he noticed the black objects. One of them rose out of the water slightly, and Link saw that it was in fact a shark.
“Oh no,” said Stalfian. “Gyorgs.”
“This is all I need,” said Link. “Stalfian, get that engine fixed. I’ll deal with the Gyorgs.”
He jumped onto Epona’s back to get a better view, and called out to the passengers.
“Everyone, can I have your attention please?” he said. “We are experiencing a slight problem. All I ask is that you remain calm, and we can be on our way very soon. Sir, could you move to the left a little?”
One of the passengers moved aside, and Link pulled out his bow and shot a Gyorg which was about to attack the man. Link shot at the Gyorgs, keeping them away from the boat. One of them jumped out of the water and grabbed a Gerudo passenger in its jaws.
“Oh no you don’t!” said Link, shooting the Gyorg, which fell out of the boat into the water.
“Link, I fixed the engine!” said Stalfian.
“Good, get it going!” shouted Link, shooting the Gyorgs away. Another one jumped up and pulled one of the passengers under the water. A few more passengers fell victim to this fate, but Link eventually defeated the Gyorgs. They arrived in Zora’s Point shortly after.
“Link, you saved us!” said Stalfian.
“Listen, I have to go,” said Link.
“Hey, Mr Hero!” shouted a young boy who was on the boat. “Look out! Behind you!”
Link turned round, and saw the monster, which grabbed him, dragging him through a portal.
“Link!” shouted Stalfian.

How's that for suspense?

okay what in the bloody blue blazes is a ready made nose-bleed bag?? No nevermind I dont really want to know. Fun ending though.

It's probably a nose-bag that's already got the horse's dinner in it.

Not a bad ending, though.

Ending? Are you mad? I'm just getting started!

Chapter 5: Lord of the Underworld

The monster dropped Link, and he looked around. He was in a large cavern. Flames erupted from the walls, and many monsters were wandering around.
“Where am I?” asked Link, standing up.
“Welcome to the Underworld, hero!” roared the monster.
“What am I doing here?” asked Link. “I’m not dead.”
“Not yet,” snarled a familiar voice, “but you will be.”
Link turned round and saw a huge Meganut, wearing thick armour and carrying a huge axe.
“Lomek,” said Link. “That figures, after the kicking Darunia gave you.”
“All in the past,” said Lomek. “We’re in charge down here!”
“And once you move in, we’ll take over above too!” said Annihol, who was also here.
“Didn’t expect to be seeing you again so soon,” said Shadow. “Beat Lowthos, did you?”
“No thanks to you,” said Link. “Speaking of Lowthos…”
“No, he’s not here,” said Destructo. “You didn’t really think you destroyed him, did you?”
“The thought had crossed my mind,” said Link. “So if I’m not dead, why am I here?”
“As a warning,” said the monster. Now that Link saw it up close, he realised it looked familiar. If you took away the dark flames, it almost looked like…
“Ganon?” asked Link.
“The very same,” said the monster. “You are here as a warning. Give up trying to evade me. If you don’t, everyone you love will perish. All your friends will die, one by one. Even Princess Zelda. There are many ways to destroy someone, you see. We don’t always go for physical destruction.”
“You can’t!” said Link. “They’ve done nothing!”
”They will, when the time is right!” said Ganon. A portal opened nearby, and Link was pulled towards it.
“I’m afraid our time is up,” said Ganon. “The living can only remain here for a limited time, you see. Until we meet again, Link!”
Link was sucked through the portal.

And no, it doesn't finish here either. There's more to come, I assure you.

By ending I meant of the Chapter, not the story - but whatever. As for the last, well I can say it wasn't as good as the one prior. I mean why would Ganon bother with that whole scene? Why warn him at all? Just doesnt seem his style.

A little too rushed and just a bit too cliche' for my taste, but it was short so perhaps there's more to it than appears. Okay post some more so we can see what is up with that.