The Legend of Zelda: The Masks of Shadow

CHAPTER ONE

Link, tired and hungry, collapsed on the floor of the Ventura Forest. He could no longer move his legs or get up. He was exhausted, and longed for the feeling of water running down his throat. He closed his eyes, for a well earned rest... Link awakened, and got up, continuing his journey. As he walked for a few miles, he came to a stream. He bent down, cupping his hands and drinking the cool water, and splashing it in his face. As he got up, he noticed something in his reflection. His sword was gone! His scabbard was still attached to his back, but his sword was gone! Link panicked. Where could it be? What was he going to do? Link ran through the forest and he reached Anopea Field. The village of Copeleana was just a few yards north. As he reached the village, he entered an inn, of course, so he could stay there for the night. After he got his room, he left for the blacksmith...


This is my first fanfic so please rate it Chapter two is coming ASAP

LATER

Ok, a couple things.

1) Where the hell is he? More description! What does the field look like, what is the village like, and so on and so forth.

2) Longer chapters, that was more like a brief prologue.

3)"As he reached the village, he entered an inn, of course," don't put things like 'of course.' Also, don't put things like 'where could it be?' asking the audience. When you do stuff like that, make Link think to himself.

4) How old is he?

5) Why is he travelling through 'Ventura' and is tired?

Its not too to bad for your first fic, but chapters need to be longer and more descriptions would be nice. Other than that, interesting for a start.

Wow he's kinda harsh..But he's right, I'd like a better description, but plez, keep going!

Keitaro is correct. You need to add much more detail in the chapter. I know this is your first fanfic but you still need to know this. Though, some of your sentences, and the way you use them are good, you still have to make sure that everything is detailed and specific. For your first fic, it seems interesting. A few errors, but still interesting. Please continue.

Originally Posted by rejected fairy

Keitaro is correct. You need to add much more detail in the chapter. I know this is your first fanfic but you still need to know this. Though, some of your sentences, and the way you use them are good, you still have to make sure that everything is detailed and specific. For your first fic, it seems interesting. A few errors, but still interesting. Please continue.

I agree what rejected fairy here is saying. I like what I'm reading, but I also think that there could be more potential in this story coming from you. Keep up the good work. Can't wait to read some more. (Id recomend re-writing a tiny bit too).

-BGS

Link, tired and hungry, stopped for a rest on a rock in Ventura Forest. He had been traveling for eight days straight now, heading to a village called Copelana. Link had recently dealt with an evil zombie king, and was heading to Copelana to start a new life. Link was eighteen years old, but he was no ordinary eighteen year-old. He was The Legendary Hero of time who had stopped the evil Gannondorf numerous times, and stopped the moon from crashing into a village called Clock Town. Ever since he was a child, he had a knack to get into trouble. Ventura forest was like nothing he had ever seen before. Even Kokiri forest, were he grew up, didn't come close to the vastness and mysteriousness of Ventura. Ventura had an eerie feeling to it, and every noise made Link shudder. Even the air was strange to Link. It was thick and moist. But at least, Link thought, it had a wonderful smell of flowers and pine needles. As he was sitting, a small robin sat down beside him on the ground. Link reached out to pick it up, and amazingly, it didn't fly away, or make a single move it just hopped onto Link's finger and ruffled its feathers. Link pet the bird as it chirped with delight. A rustle in the bushes startled the robin, and it flew away. Link stood up, and drew his sword from its scabbard. He started towards the bushes, cautiously. Strangely, Link couldn't find anyone, or anything. Link looked at the sky and noticed the sun was setting. It glowed a bright yellow orange and the pink and blue sky seemed to engulf it. Link let out a great huge yawn. He hadn't slept in four days. Link gathered some leaves for a pillow, put them on a rock, and fell asleep... Link awakened the next morning to a beatuful day with not a cloud in the sky, and the birds were chirping. Link sat up, and pulled a piece of bread and a bottle of Cheatu Romani milk from his pack. As he chewed the bread, he thought about Copelana, and wondered what it was like there. As much as he had heard about it, he had never seen it for himself. After he finished the milk, he got up and continued his journey to Copelana. After five hours of long walking, he came to a stream. He bent down, splashing the clear, cold water over his face. As Link stood up, he noticed his reflection in the water was strange. His scabbard was empty, and his sword gone!

TO BE CONTINUED

Sorry guys I wanted to redo this because I know that the first Chapter one sucked, so now I know better. Do rate this. I will not change it again.

LATER

Much better, I can see the improvement. Now the story informs the reader, and leaves the reader with some curiosity as well. Though, just a tip, but try seperating the story into more paragraphs. Besides that, it's fine. It's excellent, especially considering that this is your first fic. I enjoyed it, and I'd like to read more, please continue.

Link panicked. What was he to do? He turned, sprinting as hard as he could, knowing Copelana wasn't far away. He passed through the thick forest of Ventura and reached a large meadow. He hadn't seen anything this beautiful as long as he could remember. There were so many beautiful flowers, and a breeze made the grass sway. He could see the town of Copelana in the horizon, not far north. Link snapped himself out of his trance, and began running towards the town again. Link was fuming. What kind of freak would steal a guys sword? When he was sleeping?!?!? Link entered the village, and slowed down, panting. The village was filled with shops and stands, and it reminded him a lot of Clock Town, only busier. He stopped at a fruit stand, and bought an apple. He smiled to the boy as he handed him ten rupees. He needed to continue on, but hey! He was hungry! Link walked through the village, and stopped at an Inn, called Mountain Meadow Inn. He entered through the door and walked up to the front desk. "Excuse me," started Link, speaking to a large man at the front desk, "May I get a room for the week?" the man looked through a large book and smiled, "Why, yes, your room is on the third floor, room thirty two. "Wow!" thought Link. What a huge Inn! The man reached on a board and grabbed a key. "Here is your room key, that will be fifty rupees." Link handed the man the money, and went out the door. Link wanted to speak with the blacksmith, to see if he could make him a new sword. As he walked through town, he noticed a poster that read: Copelana Real Estate and Home Builders, The Cheapest in town! Costs begin at five hundred rupees and end at around twelve thousand. "Well, there's a start for my home..." Link thought. Link saw the blacksmith just down the path. He was muscular, but not huge, and had white hair. "Hello!" the blacksmith greeted Link. "My name is Thorne, and I'm the town's blacksmith." Thorne reached out his hand, and Link shook it. "I don't believe I know you..." Thorne said. "My name is Link, and I'm from Hyrule." Thorne smiled. "I've been to Hyrule before. Not as nice of a town as Copelana, though." Link laughed. "I agree. Well, you see, as I was on my way here, my sword was stolen, and I need a new one." Thorne nodded. "You came to the right place, Link. I also had a number of things stolen, and I believe I know your thief, too. A menace from clock town who goes by the name of Sakkon."

TO BE CONTINUED


Do rate this one, and make any suggestions. Chapter three is on its way...

Just to let you guys know, I'm not going to separate the paragraphs, sorry! I just never can find the right places... plus, it's to much of a hassle

The story is going along pretty well. Congrats. Just one more thing...please try not to double post. You could have easily edited your previous post, make a boarder ( a boarder is a bunch of these: "-----") to separate the story from your line of text. Other than that, keep up the good work my friend.

-BGS

Link stood there in silence, and his face went pale. "What is Sakkon doing here?" he thought to himself. Thorne looked worried. "Is everything okay? Link? Do you know Sakkon?" Link swallowed. "Yeah. I know the rat." Thorne chuckled. "He travels alot, but he has a hideout in Ikana Canyon." Link looked up at Thorne. "Yes, I know that. He stole my friend's wedding mask..." Thorne stood up. "I have a proposition..." Links color rushed back into his face. "What?" Thorne replied, "A number of items were stolen from me by Sakkon and his followers. If you are willing to retrieve them for me, I will forge you a blade for free." "Wait a second," Link interupped. "He has followers?" Thorne replied, "Yes. The Moonstream Bandits." "Okay, you've got yourself a deal.." Link shook Thorne's hand. "Now, I had a pair of work gloves, some scrap metal, a silver necklace, a mask with a wolf's face painted on it, and an iron work hammer. They were all stolen by Sakkon and the Moonstream Bandits." Link nodded. "Now, there are a few hiding spots the bandits have. Some hide in a cave by The Crescent River, northwest of Copelana. Others hang out by the Zoramist Beach. And the rest usually loiter around Ventura Forest. That's when it hit Link. "That's what was in the bushes!" he thought. "Here's a weapon for you, so you can be safe." Thorne said as he handed Link a thorned staff. "It's made of deku wood." Thorne said. "Practically unbreakable." Link took it and ran off, heading towards Zoramist Beach...

TO BE CONTINUED

I know, this chapter was pretty boring, but there has to be a crappy part in a story, ya know?

Do reply...

(THIS IS A MINICHAPTER)
Link stopped running and noticed he was getting a lot of weird looks from the villagers. "What's so weird about me?" Link thought. That's when it hit him. "It's my clothes!" He suddenly felt embarrassed. He looked around at all the shops when finally, he found a clothing store. He went in, and browsed around. Link usually didn't care about fashion, but he felt really embarrassed. "May I help you?" said a woman. "Um, sure. I need some help picking out some clothes." Link blushed. After many many bad combinations, Link found a nice outfit. It was a white vest-like tunic, and came with blue and black pants. "I like it!" Link smiled. "I'll take it!" (I'll draw a picture of it and post it soon) "That'll be fifteen rupees." Link handed the tall woman the rupees and took off for Zoramist beach wearing his new outfit.

You shouldn't double post too much, instead, try editing the other part in, or wait until someone replies. Anyways, the story is getting to be more interesting, aside from a few mistakes, It's good. I like the small comical scenes you add into it. Please continue, I'd like to read more.

Hmm, ok, I decided to read your story.
I like the plot of it, but do me a favor. As others have said, it would be much better if you put more discriptions in your story. Make longer chapters and paragraphs.
Also, do you edit every chapter after you are finished writing it? If not, do so. When you edit it, more ideas can come into your mind and you can add them in your chapter.
I see that you like to write, but you need to work harder. ^_^

Good but more... adjectives (is that the word?)

Link was dashing towards the beach when a voice said, "Nice outfit, but you didn't have to buy that! You're wasting time, just like you used to!" Link looked around himself. "Who are you? Show yourself!" A purple and red light flew around Link's head. "I'm Tael, Tatl's brother!" Link laughed. "You're just like your sister aren't you?" Another fairy flew in front of link, a bright yellow and white one. "Not as much as you think, bonehead!" Tatl said as she rammed into Link's head. "Stop! Okay, I'll get going!" Link swatted at Tatl. "You've gotten older." Tael said. "Well, duh, It's been about eight years since we last met!" Link said, starting to run again. "Hey! What are you running for? You've got a horse, right?" Tatl shouted. "Oh yeah, I forgot about Epona!" Link blushed as he pulled out his sky blue ocarina. Link played the melody and in the distance, came galloping a orange-brown horse, named Epona. Link hopped on and took off to Zoramist beach. "What are you guys doing here?" Link asked as they were galloping full speed. "We thought you needed some help, you've never really completed an adventure on your own!" Link frowned. "Hey, I could if I wanted to! Anyway, how'd you find out?" "Princess Zelda! We came to say hi in Hyrule and you were gone." Link's frown faded. "Okay, that explains everything." As they reached the beach, Link noticed the air was filled with a grey mist. "Augh! It smells like dead fish and rotting asparagus here!" Link covered his mouth. The sun glowed with an eerie orange, and was clouded in the thick mist. Link drew his staff and started walking along the beach, after feeding epona an apple and a couple sugar cubes. After about twenty minutes of walking an eerie cave apeared through the thick fog. The inside was dripping with water, and lamps were hanging from the ceiling about every fifteen feet. "Well," said Tael. "After you..."