Kyrius

Name: Kyrius
Age: 25
Race: hylian
Sex: male
Hair: brown
Eyes: blue
Weight: 150 lbs
Height: 6" 3

Weapon: A longbow that he made himself and is over four feet long with a lethal range of 1 mile, the bow has metal blades for when the target gets too close. He also has a custom sword made for him by the Big Goron, it has two blades approximately 3ft each the handle is also 3ft long; the sword can break in two creating two swords.
Armor: Wears steal armor and a special cloak that blocks arrows, and blend in with any environment.

Strengths: His skills with the bow are legendary, and his natural stealth abilities combined with his cloak make him nearly undetectable, he also has eyesight as great as an elf and because of this he is a great hunter, he also has great speed.
Weakness: he has some skill with the sword but he cannot stay in a prolonged fight with a sword master, has very little magical talent, skills make him poorly suited for battles in an open environment.

Skills/Magic: seeker shot: arrow will follow target until they hit them, cluster arrows- an arrow with a large head that explodes into many smaller arrow heads over a large group of enemies, only magical abilities are his camouflage cloak and his ability to call on birds of prey to aide him

Personality: he is a loner partially from his job, but doesn't dislike company, stubborn to a fault, not usually open to suggestions from others, level headed even a misted the bleakest situation, patriotic and loyal to his country, will not ;et anything stop him from reaching his goals

Appearance: Kyrius has messy brown hair and a small bear prefers not to wear hats he skin color is tan and his eyes area deep blue. He wears a brown tunic, with dark blue pants and undershirt. Over this he wears a black steel armor that looks similar to oni link's except it has no symbols on it. He also wears a large cloak with no particular color because it changes to blend in with the environment. He carries his bow and quiver on his back with his two swords sheathed on his belt.

History: His home was destroyed in a raid by Ganon's minions when he was young. They were about to kill him when he was saved by a group of rangers. They took him in and gave him a new home were he learned their craft and was trained to be one of them. He traveled the world with his new family. Things were going well until one fateful mission; the rangers were called into rescue a hostage captured by Ganon. The mission was a set up staged by the minions of Ganon. The rangers were surrounded and almost nearly wiped out. Kyrius was able to escape the slaughter and went into hiding. During these years he continued to improve his skills and took on several small jobs. His reputation continuely grew until he caught the eye of Hyrule's King. The King called upon him to spy for Hyrule and complete special jobs that Hyrule didn't want to official take part in. He now spends most of his time defending Hyrule from threats that most people don’t even know exist.

*Ok, you need to expand that appearance by a lot. The appearance section should be a good paragraph -- we want to know looks, clothes, and any other interesting physical aspects of your character.

*I can tell you without even reading the whole history that it needs to be longer and not quite so cookie-cutter. Come up with something original. And for the record, if you want to be approved, use complete sentences. There's not a speck of punctuation ANYWHERE in that whole paragraph, if you can even call it that.

*Strengths and weaknesses need to be expanded, as well as skills and magic.

*I don't know if this was a typo, but people who are just 300 lbs die because they're too fat. I'm pretty sure you don't want him being 1175 lbs. Maybe if he was made of lead.....

*A tunic is not a type of armor. Tunics are made of fabric, which will not repel weapons no matter how sturdy it is. Your better off putting that in appearance or skills/magic.

*Can you describe his weapons a little more? They're just rather blah.

alright I have done some editing what do you think

Originally Posted by Twilight Prince

History: His home was destroyed in a raid by Ganon's minions they were about to kill him when he was saved by a group of rangers.

There are three sentences in here.

The mission was a set up staged by the minions of Ganon they were surrounded and almost nearly wiped out Kyrius was able to escape the slaughter and went into hiding.

Three here as well.

During these years he continued to improve his skills and took on several small jobs and his reputations grew he caught the eye of Hyrule's King.

Two.

Ok, so sentences are seperated by periods. Use them.

ok sorry about that
Is there anything else?

Ok, I really can't complain. I would like the bio to be a bit longer, but I really can't see how you can expand that clicheed paragraph. Not without putting in something a little more exciting.

*approved*