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Originally Posted by Nox
Ok, you may be 11, but the story has many grammar errors. The story was too short and didn't have enough detail. Had you put more effort into the story it would have been decent, but this seems too rushed. Time and work is what makes a good story, remember that.
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I would have to agree. Potential. But stories take a lot of time.
As a note, I'm not bashing you, it's constructive criticism.