Originally Posted by e_alert

hah, this is very nicely written. as i said on MSN, i love your writing style, and it contains very few flaws. only thing is that it seems like the whole piece is central to the rape, but of course we have discussed this, and the piece also isn't finished. Another thing is some of the names of items may not register in people's mids. read: they do not know what they are. in this case, namely the kunai and the tatami. while of course it is obvious that the kunai is some form of weapon, and the tatami is some form of sleepingmat, the less-than-educated probably won't know what these things are exactly. as vacumgod heavily pointed out, you have lack of description.this is most importantly vital with things that many will not have a clue what something is. what kind of weapon is the kunai? and what makes the tatami so unique that it must be named as it is? these are things you must think of when you are writing it, because it's what the readers will think if you dont. of course there is always google. but as i said to you over IM, a good written piece supports itself, quite the contrary from relying on support. not everyone will be willing to serach google on the whim of demand .

and i know that you rushed this and all in math class, and you already know what i said and more, but i had to repeat it for here. good job, and keep it up