Hmm, mixed views on this one. On one hand I enjoyed some of the images that you had running throughout, even if I found some of the extended metaphors to be a little tiresome (hidden by the shadows overcasting your life from others achievements).

I also thought the rythem of the poem was disjointed, and at times it seemed rather difficult to read, although at other times you redeemed yourself and it all flowe quite nicely.

I'd like to see more of your work though.