Is there anything I can do?

Hiya. I know I haven't posted in a while, but I have this problem and wanted to know everyone's take on it.

I have a boyfriend. I'm fifteen, he's fourteen. He's perfect, we're perfect for each other, we're madly in love, it's wonderful.. except for one thing: his mother. She's ALWAYS grounding him for no reason at all. Recently, he failed his Algebra final, so his mother went all out: she took away his computer, his phone privelages, and he's not allowed to go over to anyone's house or have any friends over. Also, she's making him do INSANE chores. A few days ago, it got so bad (she locked him outside in the pouring rain because he hadn't finished weeding) that he ran away and showed up at my house soaking wet. My mom took him home a few hours later after having talked to his mother.

He lives with his mother and his four younger brothers(his parents have been divorced for about six months), and I was hoping that his dad would be a little bit more sympathetic, but on the day he ran away he called his dad and asked if he could stay with him for a while but his dad responded by screaming at him and telling him to "get his ass home".

I'm worried about him. I don't think his mother would ever really hurt him, but I hate never being able to see him, and I know he's very very emotionally stressed about never being able to see me along with all of the other punishments.

I know that there's very little I can do. I've tried to get my mother to help but she says she can't tell his mother how to raise him, and his mother hasn't done anything illegal or anything. She's just so horribly, irrationally hard on him, and I hate it. Can anyone help?

I dont think theres anything you can do except for just being there for him. I think thats the best thing any one can do in these kind of situation.

As you explained, when situations such as these arise and it involves the sensitive subject of parent-child upbringing, it would be difficult for someone from the outside to get involved in a direct way as you mentioned.

I don't know enough to completely help you through this situation but I would stress on the fact that whatever happens, make sure that you're there for him whenever he needs you. Make him feel whenever you can that you're constantly thinking about him and hoping for the day that things cool down a little.

The biggest example I can give you really is from ZU's famous couple, Ascius and Ryoko. Reading their story makes it feel like a bit of a fairytale especially since it spanned a 2 year period, but it's reality and the 2 went through some very tough times but they made it.

Things never go as smooth as we always want them, and it always seems that the bumpiest and roughest journeys always seem to link with the things that we love most. But that would give us another reason to cling on through the good and bad.

Whatever happens and if you truly feel as strong as you do about him as you described, don't make him feel that he has no one to lean against. Parents can sometimes use methods of interaction with their children that seem absurd and awful and we may never be able to understand why. On the outside it looks shocking and inappropriate but many cannot speak against it because it falls under the "parent-child" category..unless it went too overboard of course.

Like I mentioned, don't make him feel alone whatever happens and show him your support. It honestly will help.

Good luck!

p.s: shouldn't this be in the General Advice thread?

I dissagree. You can do many things, even if they are small. I dont know anythinbg about the situation other than what you just told me, so I cant really tell you what to do. But, you still can help. If I was in your situation (again, i dont know the whole story, JUST what you have told me) I would have contacted some higher athorities or somthinhg at once. Or just notified an adult. But, maybe this would be stupid, but have you ever gone up and talked to that mother? I dont want to tell you to do that if she is a raving lunatic, but when someone as close as your boyfriend (or he seems to be) I would run up to that lady in a heartbeat and tell her (politely..although i can be rather forceful somtimes) whats what. Deffinentally consult an adult first. What your mother said...BS!!!!!!! Sure she may not be able to tell how to raise other people's children...but then again, is the mother of your boyfriend even RAISING HIM??? No, from what it sounded like, she is just treating him like a old wet dog. Then of course, you may not know what his mother has been through in the past.

Frankly, there is alot to consider, but there is always somthing that you can do. I could not stand just watching some one like that, boy freind or not, get pushed around like that. I think showing how much you care for him, by helping out with his problem, can show what a type of person you are. But i would really talk to an adult or someone.

Wow...that was long. sorry. but isnt there a thread esspecially for these kinda things? I dont know were it is, but it was started by sadia

Well, there are several things that stood out the most after I finished reading the problem punquinsprite has stated.

One is that it is perfectly normal for parents to punish children for failing tests. Heck, my parents used to beat my two sisters and scold me (though I didn't get beaten, don't know why) when we got low marks in school. In a way, it makes sense: parents want their children to do better. Sometimes, teens don't really have any motivation to do good in classes because there are so many distractions around them. By using some disciplines, they will know that they have to study no matter what or else. I would do so too if my children did poorly on purpose when I know they can do better.

Although, excessive punishments (such as, leaving wounds on the body) are considered as child abuse. In this case, telling the school counselors or people that you trust can help the one that you love (or like) who is being abused.

As for excessive chores and locking children outside in the rain, that is just cruelty. He's forteen years old, what does the mother expect from her child? Acting like a slave? Even children have rights, according Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedom, section 2 and 15 (I'm using Canadian laws here because, I live in Canada). No matter how poorly a child did for his chores, you can't lock them outside just because you are not satisfied.

In the end, most of punquinsprite's boyfriend's problems are domestic and personal. You really can't do anything except comfort him and give him the advices from "trusted people with good judgements".

You can't do much, but the others are right, stick with him and comfort him as much as you can. But it might be a good idea to inform another adult.