View Single Post
) [ ]
05-26-2012, 01:16 PM
Superpowers: sleeping- and eggplant-related
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Spokane, WA
Re: Arkey Nosahen
Hello, Sol. I've had a little look around at your character, and for the most part, you fall within the guidelines for approval. However, your character's powers and magic need some more detail. Phrases like "small degree" and "weak" are subjective qualifiers, when what we need are objective quantifiers, wherever possible. It's got to be something that everyone will be immediately able to understand. So let's get started, shall we?
Powers/Magic/Skills: Arkey has a small degree of control of his surroundings. He can lift inanimate objects (and to an extent, living things) and throw them or move them around the room.
I'd like to know the limits of this ability. Weight, range, time of day, whatever you've got. Can he lift cars? Buildings? Toasters? When he throws things, how fast do they move? Fast enough to break rocks? The sound barrier? Time itself? Paper bags?!
He also has the ability to control beings with weak minds, though this is usually contained to only animals (think wolves, tigers, etc.)
Usually? Cite the limits of its exceptions. It's important.
He also has the ability to control fire, but the amount of fire he can use is finite. It relies on there being fire in the room already. If there is fire in the room, he can create apparitions and even spirits from said fire. He can use it as a kind of whip, and can burn things with it. If there isn't enough fire in the room, it takes a while to build up the fire to do these things.
How much fire? What if Arkay isn't in a room? What if he's outside? Is this an indoors-only power? If it's not, how close do the flames need to be? And what about those apparitions and spirits he can manifest? Just tell me more about those, would you?
Arkey also has the ability to recreate shadows. He often uses them to hide him or scare his opponents - he can create shadows out of what seems like nothing. If someone were to have a weak mind, he could even give the impression that there was no light wherever they were. Even if it were day time.
So, this magic relies on the mental fortitude of a victim. That sounds like this is an illusion. The shadows aren't real, it's just that he's making people believe an area is darker than it really is. Is that what's going on here? If it is, does this magic still work on things like robots, zombies, and other mindless creatures?
Limits: He forces himself to use only a portion of his magic power - about 25% of what he can normally use. Any more (for a long amount of time) will cause him to lose control of himself and possibly die.
Okay... then what exactly
the limit of what he can normally use?
Battle Strengths: ... He can also call on things to give him aid for a short amount of time (around half an hour).
This looks like it belongs in his Magic section, and it also needs quantifiers concerning what he can call on and qualifiers on how these things can aid him.
Battle Weaknesses: ...
that allies are friends
. This causes him to attack friends, though it rarely happens.
The bold text... what the heck does that mean?
Tiny turtle is pleased.
I cannot squeeze any blood from a stone.
If you're waiting on a post from me, put it in your sig!
View Public Profile
Find all posts by Drammor