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05-24-2012, 11:22 PM
do you really think this is a joke
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Happy Valley
Re: Personal Grievances
Am I gonna be first? Okay.
Something's been on my mind and this thread pops up so hey might as well spill my guts. What's to lose?
It's a secret. Don't read it:
My personal grievance is my unhealthy relationship with food. I have sooo much trouble even bringing up the slightest hint I might have a problem, but the truth is, I do. Have a problem. Anyway, I've been trying to get myself to bring it up with someone for a while now but I just can't do it. Because even if they know, would they help? Do I necessarily want help? Do I want to change? I've been like this, on-and-off, since I was 13 so it's mostly routine for me to love and despise eating so much, to starve myself because I'm weird or gorge myself because I'm stressed, to binge and purge, to make myself throw up, because I can't stop and I tell everyone oh of course I've stopped four years ago duh that's not a thing that I do that's
not who I am.
And why do I do it? Can someone in the audience tell me why? Because I don't know the answer either, at first I started it because it was some form of ♥♥♥♥ed-up self punishment but now I just do it because I have to.
There are maaaany things I want to change about who I am and how I'm seen but I don't know if the food-thing is really one that's adjustable. I accept it as a part of myself that I have no self control and if I'm going to eat a pint of ice cream and throw up because I'm
then...wait...what the ♥♥♥♥ is wrong with me?
, I still want to be the same person whether I've got this disorder or not I'm still me me Mackenzie kezzer so. Ugh I don't want anyone thinking different of me, or that I'm disgusting or something I mean we all have our problems and things we're a lil bit crazy with. Sure, I could rupture my insides, ruin my teeth, and burn out my esophagus but at least...I'm not an alcoholic? Right? Or on drugs. So it's not so bad. I'll be fine.
I just want to make sure people will still see me as me even if they do read this whole thing and know now.
Fffff this is dumb don't listen to me don't read this post.
I'd post something in the help forum if it were a thing I really wanted serious advice on but really I dunno I'm just upset today and blabbing blabbing blabbing.
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