Thread: Tanis Sonata
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Old 04-05-2012, 07:47 PM
Sakume Sakume is offline
What if I should fall right through the center of the Earth?
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: I don't know sometimes.
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Re: Tanis Sonata

Much better. I only have a few more little tidbits.

However, he will also immediately aid anyone who he thinks needs it, making him very easy to catch.
I assume you mean catch off guard, but you might want to clarify that because otherwise it just sounds like he's a really fast guy or something.

His mother died in a fight with other Sehrli when Tanis was only six. She used a spell of telepathy that allowed her to enter the minds of her opponents, and trap their souls within their heads. They were all alive, but incapable of thought and feeling. By using this spell, Tanis' mother condemned herself to the same fate. She was technically alive, but it was impossible to retrieve her soul.
I would have liked to see a little more how his parent's deaths affect him. Is he sad? Does he care? Does he care more about his mother than father? Is he angry she used this technique? Also I still don't understand why his mother did this technique in the first place. What is her motivation/reasoning? Why was she fighting with the others?

His father, now on the run
Same thing, I don't get why. What did he do? Is it because his wife used that technique?

History really helps flesh out your character, I personally think it's the most important part of a character. You're doing very well.
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