Thread: [Original] Spirit Blades
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Old 03-07-2012, 09:53 AM
Jaime Lannister Sweden Jaime Lannister is online now

Join Date: Jun 2006
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Re: Spirit Blades

Heya. I enjoyed reading this. It looks as though it's gonna turn out to be some sort of dark fantasy adventure, which is something right down my alley.

Just a few errors I noted:
Their pain was delightful while it lasted, their screams had filled his ears.
Here, and in a few other places, I would use a semicolon rather than a comma.
The mans voice was dry and raspy
You should have an apostrophe. "The man's voice."

But other than a few minor things like that, I enjoyed reading this. I'm definitely looking forward to see where you go with this.
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