Thread: [Original] Spirit Blades
View Single Post
  #2 (permalink)   [ ]
Old 03-07-2012, 09:53 AM
Jaime Lannister Swedish Empire Jaime Lannister is offline
Kingslayer
Join Date: Jun 2006
View Posts: 27,731
Re: Spirit Blades

Heya. I enjoyed reading this. It looks as though it's gonna turn out to be some sort of dark fantasy adventure, which is something right down my alley.

Just a few errors I noted:
Quote:
Their pain was delightful while it lasted, their screams had filled his ears.
Here, and in a few other places, I would use a semicolon rather than a comma.
Quote:
The mans voice was dry and raspy
You should have an apostrophe. "The man's voice."


But other than a few minor things like that, I enjoyed reading this. I'm definitely looking forward to see where you go with this.
__________________
Reply With Quote