Thread: [Fanfiction] Guardian
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Old 01-04-2012, 05:39 PM
The White Maiden The White Maiden is a female United States The White Maiden is offline
All we can do is put our faith in the light and press on
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: A hole in Termina Field
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Re: Guardian

It's all up to you! Since I'm not in the mind of the author, I can't see all of the devices you are making use of.

To fix the wall of text effect, add paragraph breaks to spread everything out. Always put them between different portions of dialogue. As for other places to put breaks, a good rule of thumb is to put them wherever something changes in the story. Such as Link encountering Zelda, finishing something that he was doing or changing the subject of his thoughts. So something like...

Spoiler:  
Link immediately broke off into a headlong run, chasing her. He ran up multiple hills and across several beaten paths when he finally reached the drawbridge that led into the castle. He only paused for a moment, to take in the breathtaking view of the castle at sunrise, before he continued his sprint into the majestic corridors.

This was one of the few times that he had been inside of the castle, so the sights were still relatively new to him, and were as beautiful as ever. He, unfortunately, had lost sight of Zelda. He started to wonder where she went, but not for long, as the Princess ran back around a corner just in time for him to see her, and motioned for him to follow her, and ran off.

Link, being slightly exasperated, let off a large sigh, and then he resumed his chasing. He wasn’t sure where she was taking him, but Link was already get somewhat winded as he turned a large corner. Just beyond the corner was Princess Zelda, stopped in the middle of the doorway. Link attempted to stop before he ran into her, but his feet slipped out from under him, and he hit the floor with a loud thud.

“Clumsy,” Zelda teased, giving Link a strange look.

“Well…” Link responded picking his own body up off the floor, “Excuse me, Princess, but running then suddenly stopping isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do.”

“Oh, stop making excuses for yourself,” Zelda retorted jokingly, and then she spun around to walk into the room behind her. “Good morning, Father,” She greeted the king who was already sitting in his throne, seemingly reading the latest newspaper.

“Morning, Zelda,” The king greeted her. Link slowly walked into and slowly bowed to the king. This was, apparently, an informal meeting, so Link wouldn’t have to kneel to the king as he usually did. “Good morning, Link,” King greeted him.

“Good morning, your highness. I trust the day finds you well?” Link asked him, still standing in the middle of the throne room.

“Well…I can’t complain,” The king chuckled then he turned to Zelda, who was now sitting next to him in a chair, “I have some interesting news for you, Princess.”

“What is it?” Zelda inquired.

“We, the royal officials and I, may have found a royal suitor for you,” the King told her proudly.

“Oh, really,” Zelda asked him, surprised and intrigued, “Who is it?”

“He’s a prince from the far country of Oun, and his name is Tarn. He should be here within the next few hours, so you should go put on your ‘Triforce’ dress.”

Zelda hurried out of the room, presumably to her bedroom. “Link,” The king spoke, making Link spin around towards him, “As Zelda’s personal bodyguard, I expect you to protect her from this boy, if need be.”

“Yes, your highness.” Link accepted.
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Last Edited by The White Maiden; 01-04-2012 at 05:40 PM. Reason: Reply With Quote
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