Certainly some good stuff, I really appreciate your manner of sort of metaphorical comparisons, you do a good job of not making it seem contrived, which is sadly all too common with that style.

When it comes to using these as possible lyrics, trying to break out of the normal rules of rhyme. Rhyming on the first and third line is common but unnecessary in music. Further you should sometimes forget having to make something rhyme at all when you place it into music. They key is to make it musical and not so much lyrical at times. I'd be keen to hear these one day.

Good job man.