The Legend of Zelda: The New Age
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07-10-2010, 01:14 AM
Future of Twilight
Join Date: Jun 2010
Re: The Legend of Zelda: The New Age
Its definitely a start LinkHenry, but you need to develop this further to get a proper justified opinion on it. What you have suggested is a background for a story that hasn't yet been explored in the Zelda series., and because of this nobody is currently going to understand how the story will emerge. You will need more than a paragraph to capture the reader's attention.
From the paragraph you have provided, I can still determine a few pointers though. The first thing is that you need to look into your grammar a bit. A fan fiction is usually an extended piece of writing, so the reader will appreciate it if the passages are all orderly, making it much easier to read and understand. You need to capitalise the first letter of the first word of each sentence, to help show where one sentence ends and the next begins. Also you need to proofread your work after it is finished. I have noticed a few mistakes probably made in haste such as "saved hyrule from
eternal darkness" rather than
. Also "
ancient kingdom went into a golden age of justice". I don't really like the use of the word
here, as the previous clause does not explain which kingdom you are talking about in particular.
I would have written it as: After Link, the hero of twilight, saved the ancient kingdom of Hyrule from an eternal darkness, the land entered a golden age of peace, justice and truth. I feel the reader will understand it better this way.
However your ideas and style show a lot of promise. You use simile right from the second sentence, and replace basic words with emotive language (such as "fade from history" instead of "everybody forgot about them". These both point to the potential for an interesting tale to be told.
To help with the grammar, I would recommend using a program like Word, as it will automatically correct you or point out mistakes in grammar, or incorrect use of words as well as typos.
I look forward to checking in on this when you have some more to display
Future of Twilight
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