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Future · #8 (**permalink**) [ ] 07-07-2009, 06:38 PM

A labyrinth of dark streets spread before me as I ran away from the car Peefy carried. Losing myself around every corner I slowly realized my home was two cities away. The bus brought me here the first time, but how would I get back? Another bus, sure, but those cost money. My pockets were emptier than a jar without cookies. Something felt missing.

Logic told me I could convince the bus driver to take me home by showing him my gun. Logic was such a liar. I was an illogical man and I made illogical choices, so I headed back to the restaurant. Perhaps my rival could fund my return.

Upon entering the restaurant, a rather slick looking waiter asked me if he could take my coat. I told him to get a job instead. He escorted me to the table Dang-her was sitting at. "classic table", the words slipped out of my mouth seconds before concluding arguments with furniture are rarely productive.

Peefy: Ah, if it isn't Jaap Future, right on time.
Future: That's okay, no need to get up.
Peefy: What?

I sat down.

The waiter wouldn't leave our side, which was quite discomforting. It was as if a shadow had overtaken the mood set on this table. He blocked out all the light. He had the nose the size of a boat and the ears the size of a sail. A shipwreck like none other. Never did I know a man could sweat as furiously as he did, had I not known better I'd have thought his head was adrift.

Waiter: Can I get you anything to drink, sir?
Future: I'll have whatever he's having.
Waiter: One Tiramisu coming right up.

Time wasn't on my side, the waiter had an amazing quick-step for a guy with such wind catchers. Whatever words needed to be shared with Peefy had to come now.

Future: Okay, h-
Waiter: Here’s your Tiramisu sir.

As I drank my Tiramisu cake I caught Peefy giving me a rather odd stare.

Future: I'm a solid drinker.
Peefy: You’ve got the looks.
Future: No need to try and butter me up
Waiter: Extra butter for table 4!
Future: ..Right, look, I came back for one more thing.

I paused, it’d leave him with a greater feeling of suspense, yet he didn’t seem to crack. Cool as a cucumber all the way through.

Waiter: Cucumber salad?
Future: W- What. Get out of my head or I'll make minced meat out of you!
Waiter: Here you are sir, our minced-meat meatball day special.

This was no ordinary waiter, it even had Dang-her impressed. I could tell by the way his jaw dropped onto his lap, must have been a freak accident. Each time the waiter showed up we had to sit back; the risk of losing our eyes by his nose was too big. As big as his nose.

Peefy: So, what have you got to tell me?
Future: You haven’t got a clue?
Peefy: One actually, the “R” you “accidentally” dropped when you lured me into that car. I’m looking through you.
Future: Not sure about your R, but here’s something that’ll puzzle your mind; a puzzle.

Knowing he’d never figure this one out, I passed him a note saying I’ll get _evenge fo_ my b_ide”. On the backside it said “Call me; 555-FUTU_E”, maybe that R will come in handy.

Future: One more thing, I can’t afford the bus.
Peefy: I’m not the least bit surprised.
Future: Remember who has your sister and gun Dang-her, neither will return if you don’t give me all your money.
Peefy: Look at you, the big cheese.

Faster than a horde of gazelles fleeing for their lives we hid under the table, we shared a mutual understanding of what was to come. A face that’d boost the self esteem of a giant troll. Suddenly all light vanished. We could hear a voice so shrill and cold it’d freeze water and crack it at an instant.

Waiter: Large platter of BRIE?

After those words echoed out, I could hear nothing but the sound of nobody talking. Time went by as light returned, we got up from under the desk. Growing tired of this sleek figure, I knew changes had to be made. There had to be a way to best him, this was an Italian restaurant after all. I cooked up a plan more tasteful than any chef could stir;

"Tutti Fruti Molto Tortellini, BASIL!" Unsurprisingly Basil the Waiter never answered. It all made too much sense, he was no waiter. He knew the ropes better than me. Was he sleeping with the fishes? Time to make my move, this deviant had to be stopped.

Future: Say goodbye to your precious face, tough guy!
Peefy: What? You’re nuts!
Basil: Nuts sir?

Out of no where the waiter returned. Jumping up from my seat I gave him a right hook deadlier than most fishermen bare. The blow threw him off his feet, clearing three tables. He bounced off the wall and landed straight in the soup of an underage customer who spoke in awe; “Waiter, there’s a mustache in my soup and it has your face on it!” He was in for some serious trouble. Swiftly I followed him, jumping over the first two tables and crashing into the third. Disregarding the egg on my face I pulled him up by the nose and pushed him against the wall. Was that tomato soup or blood pouring from his snout? Thinking there’d only be one way to find out I licked the lower half of his face, concluding this was neither blood nor tomato soup. No matter what it was, it tasted creamy and sweet with a convincing hint of fear.

Future: State your business or taste lead!
Basil: Pfwease! I’ave a wife and keds!

Ah, so a broken nose after all, it did look a lot straighter. Although something that large can never be fully beaten to a pulp, trust me.

Future: Yeah, well so did I!
Peefy: You had kids?
Future: Stay out of it wise guy, I told you to come alone! Who is this associate?!
Peefy: No idea, never seen ‘em before. I work alone.
Basil: Don’t shooff me!
Future: Dang-her I’ll do it, this associate of yours will die!
Peefy: That’s not an associate, just an unfortunate bystander.
Future: Unfortunate? Nobody is innocent here Dang-her, this is now a dual hostage situation. Prepare to pay the price! My bus ticket out of here!
Peefy: Not again..
Future: Fill my demands, an advance on the $84,000 dept you’ve got standing. Buses don’t fare for free.
Peefy: All I’ve got is a twenty on me, will that do?
Future: Drop the twenty on the floor and kick it over.

Peefy started giving me 20 push ups on the floor, then kicked himself in the shins. Clearly he hadn’t understood me, but it made for an interesting character portrayal.

Future: The note?

As if a light bulb had spontaneously appeared above his head, recognition was all his face read. When kicking the bill didn’t seem to work, he started to blow it forward. The note barely moved, at this rate I was earning a buck a minute. Not many hunters can say the same.

Peefy: The bus only costs around a quarter, have you not got any change?
Future: I'll change your dental records if you don't watch out.
Peefy: You just keep taking don’t you? First my sister, then my gun, and now my twenty! Any more and you’ll rip the jolly mood right out of my day!
Future: Look at it this way; only 83,981 singles left.
Peefy: You mean 83,980.
Future: Plus my life.
Peefy: Clever.
Future: You have one week, after that I’ll send your sister back for free. In pieces. Phone me when you have the cash.

Stood up, put my coat on in one solid swing. As I walked out of the restaurant I tipped Basil the Associate with half of my hard earned cash, "Great show". Dang-her was wrong, he was an associate, just not his. Perhaps he had forgotten, but it was me who picked the restaurant to begin with.