OoC: You said you wanted coaching, yes? Well, I’ll include my commentary at the bottom of my post.

BiC: Miss Spider tended to a web. It was not a web she would use herself. Merely a model. She was working to create something beautiful, rather than something useful. And what she had her hands on was beautiful.

With a studied precision, she strung her sticky webs up and down, side to side. Supporting lines, criss-cross skeleton, clockwise spiral, and a space in the middle.

An inspiration that made her smile came to her suddenly. To fill the space inside, she drew upon memories she had from before she started going into the Rage. A word spelled out in webbing was the most perfect thing she could think of.

Gently, she took many small pieces of thread, and made an M. To keep the letter from appearing curvy, she used a separate piece for each part of the letter. Keeping every letter as angular as the last, she further made the characters O-T-H-E-R.

The Spider Wraith looked over her work, pleased at what she saw. Turning away, she left her web with the word MOTHER spelled out in the center. Satisfied, she did not stay to admire her own work. Someone would see it eventually, and that was what she cared about the most.

OoC: First thing’s first. I loved what you wrote. In fact, I like what you wrote so much, I really don’t want to have to say anything bad about your post. I’ll number the faults. 1) Although you described the weather beautifully, you failed to describe a SETTING, which is extremely important in an opening post. Exactly what kind of place are our characters at? 2) Although you characterized him perfectly, you failed to actually mention what character you were using. You might want to put a link to him in your out of character text. 3) Although I LOVED what you wrote and how you wrote it, you failed to hint at any future events other than a storm. Next time, you’ll need to move the plot forward with something less ambiguous.

Now, I wrote my post with flaws one and three, just so that I wouldn’t interfere with anything you post next. Please, move the plot forward. Don’t be nervous. Just use anything. The BA is experienced at catching whatever curveball that may be thrown to them.

Oh, and if I was too harsh, please tell me. Your piece was coherent and beautiful, but lacking substance. I really feel bad about criticizing something written so well. Trust me; with your abilities, you’ll be a top dog around here in no time. And, again, I hope I wasn’t too harsh.

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Char Fic: The Song of Healing and Mask of the Black Truth and Gaiden.
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