FF.net is being a loser and won't let me review your reevishuns, so I figured, "Let's give a long-winded critique on ZU!"

And so here we are.

You've added a bunch of description, which I'm guessing means more than just 18 chapters by the end of this process. I've been following the story since chapter 15 or so, and I've become really interested in it. I absolutely love the more realistic approaches you've taken this time around, namely how Link can't just waltz into a dark elf slave center like it happens regularly. I can't wait to see how this new character Jaek gets involved when they revisit the ranch.

One problem I saw in the chapter, and in few other places in your writings, is past-tense and present-tense confusion:

"Seven years it'd been since he'd seen it" sounds better. You do this again later in the chapter:

Also, the Japanese suffixes threw me really off while I was trying to get into the story. While I realize Zelda was made in Japan, the English game wasn't translated with the suffixes, it's not set in Japan, and we're not speaking Japanese. I kept feeling like I was reading the screenplay to an anime dub rather than a Zelda fanfic. This might have worked better if the story was set in a strictly Asian fantasy setting, but it just seems out of place for Zelda.

That being said, if you still see the suffixes as a necessity, I'm willing to grin and bear it for the sake of reading your story. Which is something I rarely do as a nit-picky reader.

And while I'm getting this all out, I might as well address a few things that have been on my mind for these past few years. I realize you're making huge changes to the story, but just in case you skim over these details, I'd like to bring them up. Newbies to the fanfiction, you might want to start ignoring me right about now.

Firstly, Khaz and Leita's father. You've described him as having black, spiky hair with green eyes, when in the game, he sort of doesn't.



I'm all for artistic license, but since you were bugged by mistaking Ganondorf's eye color, this information may be useful. If it's an issue with genetics or the like, you could always make Khaz look just like Uncle Serwen.

Also, the Great Deku Tree infant's dialogue. In the beginning of OoT, he speaks in old English like in EoD. But when he's reborn, he talks regularly. Therefore, the adolescent tree that Link reunites with would likely talk in modern speech as well.



With those anal critiques aside, I'm really glad to see you working on the fanfic again and I know this three-year hiatus will be worth the wait. Hopefully I'll get to make more fanart for you.

Welcome back.