Big post. Get ready. This one is important because it's either going to be just another post of me drowing on about how horrible I am and be an attention whore, or it'll be the last thoughts of my last post for possibly 2 years.

As some know and some do not, I'm technically not allowed to be on the forums. It began back in whenever when I joined and I was able to post until my mom found out about it. I was then banished from the computer for 6 months for disobaying. I was then allowed back the internet after a while but with my mom constantly watching me. She wanted to be able to trust me again, which I understand. It wasn't untill of late that she has given me more freedom in what I do and has not hovered (as much). But the point is, I'm still not following what she has told me. Many people know that my mother and I don't get along that well to begin with, so when I screw up and she finds out I get it shoved back in my face harshly. I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks about just the interaction in general and key words that she said soon after she first banished me, "Maybe when you're older and not as ignorant I can let you on a forum. F***, maybe even the forum I took you away from."

I really can't keep sneaking here behind her knowing. It's killing me mentally thinking about how she'd kick me this time if she found out, and just how much I"m digging my own grave. I should have thought of this earlier before I became so involved here once more, but it's better now than ever. This week I am going to somehow find the courage to ask her directly if she'll allow me to be an active member here or not. If she says yes, than that's great! I'll be able to keep posting without hiding and I'll become much more active not having to sign on only when she is asleep or away. If she says no, then that's it. I can't change her mind once she's stated her thought on something and the next time I sign in will be either when I've lost my mind and forgotten what I'm doing, or the more appropriate answer of 2 years when I am living in a dorm or appartment of my own.

I'm sorry to everyone who I've become close to in the past month(s) that I've been more active that I have to leave a post like this, and I hope that things both work out for me and that if they don't you'll all be able to understand the reason why.

The one thing I would like people to know is that I am not that kind of a person as I presume to be here. It's easier to play that facade on a forum rather than in real life because here, no one can see the snickering and sneers in response to things. I'm able to create and edit everything that I say to make myself seem the better person when in reality I'm not. The lesson learned: Don't be so trusting in everyone. Just because you don't have a cruel response from one person does not mean that the person would have acted in the same mannor had that been done physically infront of them. I'm not a horrible person, but I'm not perfect either. No one is.

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[Oh, and you may wish to run now. Aly is a vampire. ~Tiroth]

[I'm so holy that when I touch wine, it turns into water]
见鬼为气候,和天堂为公司