It lacks that opening catcher. You need more excitement in the first paragraph. Also, don't focus too much on the characters. Tell of the surroundings, time, place, etc. Make it so that someone unfamiliar with Avatar can understand it. Add descriptive words and avoid "ugh"s and "ok"s. Nobody actually says "ugh". Substitute with something like, "He moaned heavily and said,'. . .'"

Those are just small things. Take everything said in this thread into consideration and it will appear less fanboyistic.