Avatar: The origional plotline..
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07-01-2008, 10:11 PM
Sage of Wisdom
Join Date: Apr 2008
The re-write is complete!
Well I shouldn't say complete, but this version better describes how Hiroshi feels about his powers, what happens when he looses control, and his connection to the world of Avatar in the first place. It's kinda long but at least it's more descriptive.
Avatar: The Last Air-bender, the two worlds
Characters you need to know.
Main Character: Hiroshi, a seclusive teen born with a special talent that is unknown to our world called “bending” after losing control at his old school he’s transferred to a new school. The problem is the students there have already heard the rumors and are afraid of him. He is around seventeen years old, and is a sarcastic cocky whiner, on a good day he’s quite a nice guy. Just don’t get on his bad side. He also believes that his power is more a curse than a blessing. So he cares nothing about learning how to control it, in the case that the students may fear him even more.
I’ll introduce characters from the world of avatar as we meet them.
Chapter one: The new guy and his past.
“Ugh, man I can’t stand this. Another interview with another principal.” Hiroshi grunted sarcastically, walking down the hallway to the office. For a while the interview went well, but then again...well lets just find out. “So Mr. Hiroshi, I see in your resume you have some talent we should be concerned about?” The principal was also nervous seeing what happened at his old school. Hiroshi looked seriously at him and gave his answer. “Look I don’t like talking about it ok.” The principal agreed that he’d be given some time to cool off. The plain fact is, losing control is a bad thing. But today even though it started off badly, is about to get much worse.
Chapter two: Don’t make him angry.
Today there was a swim-team tryouts and attendance was mandatory well, let’s sit back and watch the fireworks shall we? Hiroshi is already at the pool, he’s hoping he can convince the gym teacher to let him off. “What do you mean “you can’t swim” don’t try and pull anything over on me kid.” The gym teacher answered laughing.
Hiroshi gulped and took a deep breath. “Look it’s not that I can’t swim, it’s that I can’t be around water at all. It’s just...un-bearable.” He answered, getting a little frustrated because the other students were already whispering. Probably about him too. “Really, so you’re hydrophobic is that it..don’t make me laugh kid. You’re just trying to get out of all the work. Ugh all-right I’ll give it a chance. But you’ll have to learn how to swim eventually.” Man talk about a close call. But today Hiroshi isn’t going to be that lucky. As he walked out past the seats some of the kids got up and in his way. Probably the school’s er..... gang.
“Ha, we know why you’re trying to get out of it freak.” One of the kids barked sarcastically. “Heh, right we’ve heard about you’re little talent. So why don’t you show us what it is?” It’s not like he hasn’t been through this before, Sisi was the one that lit the fuse last time. And something made Hiroshi think that same bomb was going to go off any minute today.
Hiroshi took a deep breath. He wasn’t about to lose control again, not after what happened last time. “Listen guys, if you’ve heard the rumors then why bother? You seriously don’t want to make me angry.” Hmm...why do I get the feeling that quoting Bruce Banner isn’t exactly the best thing to do at the moment. “Oh really kid, well I suppose you wouldn’t mind showing us Mr Banner.” Great, what did I tell you. Now they’re backing him up to the water. That’s not a great idea. Not with the mood he’s in right now. “Uh....look guys, I don’t think that’s such a good idea..” Before he could say anything, the other bully punched him in the stomach and pushed him into the pool. This ought to be good. Not only was Hiroshi knocked out, but he’s already mad and they’ve just shoved him into the pool. Not good.
Now here’s the situation so far, Hiroshi’s knocked out, already mad, and he’s been pushed into the pool by a couple of bullies. Now let’s see what’s going to happen.”Great not only am I probably going to drown, but these morons have already pushed me over...hey who are you?” all this is happening inside his head, so that’s why nobody can here it. He’s talking about the tall woman in ceremonial clothes with a painted face. “Do you wish to live on?” She asked calmly, looking at him seriously. “What? Of course I want to live...” Hiroshi’s body was now laying down flat at the bottom of the pool. “Then I can help..just leave it all to me. But first I’ll punish those fools..” The woman’s eyes glowed white as she vanished. “No wait...I don’t need that much help!” He was now completely awake, and some how he was standing outside his body.
Chapter three: Earth’s First Avatar Awakened!
Well outside the pool things were getting worse. The students all backed away from the water expecting to see him clamber to the edge of the pool, but they weren’t going to get off that easy. The water in the pool was now very choppy. “Fools, how dare you treat your hero this way!” It’s the woman’s voice, and she’s pretty mad. “Hero? Please that Hiroshi kid is just a wimp who can’t even swim.” As soon as the leader said that a water pillar shot up with Hiroshi standing calmly on top. His eyes were glowing, sounds like the avatar state to me. But I’ll explain that later. “Oh wow so you can make a water tower, please so what. I’ve seen those mutants on the news do the same thing!” The bully wasn’t being smart taunting a person with that kind of power, not the most intelligent thing to do. Using some simple gestures Hiroshi used the water to grab hold of one of the kids and threw him to the other side of the room. Preforming a similar move he did the same to the other kid. The leader was now a little nervous. He had a good reason to be.
Hiroshi used the pillar to land himself on the ground, used another move to push the bully into the wall with a wave of water, he pinned him down by freezing the water. “Now let’s see how you like having a near death moment!” Hiroshi snapped sharply, forming a blade of ice around his arm. But just as he was about to swing one of the girls stood up. It was Rose! A seventeen year old girl that had been tutoring him for the last couple days. “Stop it!” She’s trying to calm him down I think. “Who are you to defy me?” Hiroshi snapped walking over to her. She stood her ground, not even flinching. “What are you doing? This isn’t you, you once toled me that if you’d had control that you’d be helping people not this! This is just...awful, please stop this now!” Hearing this he seemed to be hit by something, “These fools are getting all the help they need! Besides what do you think people will say, now that they know nobody will even talk to me.” Rose was already in tears right now. “So who cares about them, those kinds of friends don’t matter.” Hiroshi seemed to be snapping out of it, he’d keeled over a bit but he stood up and shook it off. “What does it matter, I don’t need friends anyway! They’d only be in danger, because of this curse! Who would befriend me anyway?” Hiroshi now had her by the throught. Choking her words she managed to give an honest answer. “I will! I was already your friend before this happened, I don’t care what you do to me. Just stop this before you do something you’ll regret the rest of your life.” Hearing this Hiroshi’s eyes stopped glowing, and the water returned to normal. He collapsed to the ground slowly, and Rose had caught him to lessen the fall. Before he fainted he uttered “thanks I’m sorry..” and closed his eyes. Hmm no wonder he was nervous about swimming eh?
Well...what do you think? Is that un-choppy enough for you.
And to be completely honest, I kinda like this one better! Hmm I never thought katara was the young one.
EDIT: I only use one space after a period, and I also use ... to let you know there's a pause between the word before and after that. ? Just thought I'd let u know. AND WHERE IS STINKING STORIES SECTION?!
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