Chapter Three:
Alone
I had been used to being alone. It had been that way before I found out that I was a Hylian. Saria had been the only Kokiri to truly accept me. The rest of them had not been so compassionate. Perhaps they had always known deep down that I was not one of them. Not of their kind. They were cruel to me in the way that children could be. Often bullied and excluded, but nothing more serious than alienation. Mido had always made that clear to me. That I was not accepted.
Mido was the leader of the Kokiri, appointed along with Saria by the Deku Tree. Mido always called me a “half person.” This was because I did not have a fairy for a very long time. Each Kokiri had a guardian fairy. They were each other’s soul mates. Neither was complete without the other. That had been another obvious sign that I was clearly not one of them.
Yet, I was given a fairy anyway, as a guide from the Deku Tree. And even though I was not a true Kokiri and even though Navi may not truly belong to my soul and mine to hers …
I felt so lost and empty without her presence.
She was my guiding light. My friend. My partner. She was always there. She was a part of me just as much as breathing was. She was the only thing that allowed me to see through the darkness. For once, I thought I would never have to be alone again. But she was gone now. Lost. And for a moment I forgot to breathe.
I never really forgot the terror. The memory would revisit me in my sleep sometimes. Free falling, absolutely helpless to the lack of earth and support under me. A slave to gravity. I couldn’t remember if I screamed or not. Everything seemed to go dead quiet when I fell. I fell too fast and was lost in the darkness. One thing I did remember was the scared little whimpers that had managed to escape me. I had been too shocked and paralyzed by fear to attempt another shot with my hook. I should have tried harder, but the fear seemed to have smothered me, and despair filled me so overwhelmingly that I wondered if this was what it felt like to be dead.
I wondered where people went when they died. Was there an afterlife? If so, what was it like? I had never really thought about it before, which was strange for having almost died a dozen times already. There had never really been time for thinking about it. It seemed like I had all the time in the world now. But it was nothing other than another unknown. Another terror of uncertainty.
The last thing that finally came to me was the horrible sense and disappointment of failure. If I died, there would be no more Hero of Time to awaken the Sages and free Hyrule. Ganondorf would win.
For the first time I wondered why I did it all. Why had I fought so hard? What had been so important? This land and its people? Why did I fight so hard for a land that held no place for me? I was an orphan. I had no true home. I was not a Kokiri, and the Hylians were even more alien to me. I was alone in this world. What the hell had I been struggling so hard for? What had it all been for?
An obligation. A promise. A dying wish.
How could I have denied the Deku Tree its last wish? How could I when I had failed to save its life? I took the spiritual stone and went to the Princess of Hyrule. She asked me to collect the other two. How could I have denied her? It had obviously been what the Deku Tree wanted me to do. But then everything went wrong, and it had been my fault. So I had to make it right. I was obligated to. The guilt drove me. The pain on so many faces. So many that had died and suffered for my mistake. The shame was eating me alive. So I had to save as many people as I could and restore the peace I owed them.
I owed it to them. The people and the places that had no place for me in their little worlds.
I found myself at a loss for how my life had turned out like this. The Deku Tree had entrusted this task to me, but I had failed it.
I wanted it to all end.
Even if it meant dying. My regrets, guilt, despair, and terror were drowning me, rotting away my heart. It all hurt and ached so much, throbbing like gangrene deep within my soul. Like my heart had been turned into the dead rotting flesh of the Redeads.
I had been surprised when I finally hit the ground, for a number of reasons. One was that I had almost been expecting the drop to last forever. The second that the drop had not been high enough to kill me. The third was that when I hit the ground I bounced right up again. I smacked the ground so hard and bounced up so viciously that my head jerked back sending hot painful twinges down my neck. I bounced only two more times before I fell still on the ground. My body ached from the whiplash it was forced to endure. I lied there, having landed on my stomach, aching in the dark for a long few minutes until my brain started working again.
I first realized that normal ground would not have bounced me so high multiple times or been soft enough to let me live. My fingers felt the ground I was lying on. It was cold but did not feel like stone. It felt too smooth and leathery, but hard still.
I lied there for some time, not getting up. I didn’t want to. My body hurt so much. My head pounded viciously along with my neck and bruised limbs. I had already been so tired before attempting to descend slowly. And the drop. The terror of falling into the dark pit seemed to have ripped away all the courage I had managed to muster earlier.
It was so dark. I couldn’t see anything. Not even the hand in front of my face. I was alone. I had lost Navi back at the opening. There was no sound. Everything was perfectly quiet, except for the moans I had let out earlier and my own breathing. I lied there, not knowing if there was anything around me in the darkness that could kill me. Not that it mattered anyway. I wouldn’t be able to see them, so I wouldn’t be able to fight them.
I was powerless. Helpless. Hopeless.
I cried there. In the dark. Quietly.
I didn’t know what to do. Where to go. If I should move or if I should hold still. Navi was probably looking for me. She would find me surely. It would probably be best if I stayed in that spot until she did. But since I could not see, I wasn’t sure if it was a safe spot to stay in.
I managed to pull some effort into rolling over onto my back. My body throbbed still. I finally had stopped crying. I let myself lie there, breathing deeply, trying to take control of myself again. I tried to think through the pain, trying to ignore other thoughts. Ones that wondered why I should even bother trying anymore.
Why? Why struggle so much for them?
If there had been no guilt, no obligation, no promise … would I still be fighting so hard? I wondered if I would still have chosen to do the things I had. Was the guilt and obligations the only reason? Were they the only reasons I was trying to collect myself? To fight against all the pain and hurt both physical and emotional in order to continue.
Through all the agony, I had somehow found solid calmness. It came with all the pain. It seemed like I would not have been able to find this core, this strength, without the pain. I lied there and thought of all the happy faces I had seen when I helped those people. The Gorons, the Zora, the town’s people of Kakariko. Malon’s joy, warm and bright, her face and vibrant blue eyes so alive when she heard that her father was coming back to the ranch. Ruto’s shy appreciation, showing through her bossy princess exterior when she gave me the very prize she had searched so bravely for. Darunia’s large, proud smile when he claimed me as a sworn brother.
I felt the place in my heart, that had once felt like rotting, swell and hum with warmth and happiness as I finally found the answer to my question. My mind was still and my hurt body didn’t seem to bother or hinder me anymore. It still hurt, but it seemed so unimportant now. Just a minor detail.
I pushed myself up to my feet, and reached for the Master Sword’s hilt. I did not need sight to know I could reach it. I gripped the familiar handle with a well practiced motion. It was cold to my exposed fingers like always. My hand drew it steadily. Somehow, I knew what to do without really even thinking about it. It was almost as familiar as breathing. It had always been there. It had simply been left unnoticed by me.
I raised my sword straight into the air and let my warmth and happiness travel through, surging into my sword. Bright golden light burst forth from the blade. Several cords of this golden power wrapped and weaved about the Master Sword’s edge as it embraced and channeled a power that had always been with me.
My Light medallion.
The Sages always gave me their medallion once I had awakened them from their oblivious sleep. It was how they added their might and power to mine. The very first medallion I had ever received had been from the ancient Sage of Light, right after I had woken up in the Chamber of Sages. I had learned to use all the other medallions. Their power had unique qualities differing from each one just as each temple had been different. The one thing they all had in common was their pure holy power, adding to the Master Sword’s ability to banish evil, sharpening it wondrous edges.
However, there was one medallion that I hadn’t learned to use before. I had almost forgotten about it. That one was the Light medallion. I now channeled the Sage of Light’s power through my sword. It burned through the shadows.
A bright and magnificent light in the dark.