My old school has talent shows every year, in December. Unfortunately, the panel of judges consists largely of middle-aged men, which means the winner is never actually the best act.

Last time I was there, the contest was won by three girls in skimpy outfits, two of whom danced around in what was probably supposed to be a sexy manner while the third sang badly. The year before, a Grease tribute act took the trophy. On both occasions, over half the participants were better than the "winners".

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"Be proud of me, I only ever ate six inches before." - Panique

May: The Month of Pandaemonium