Actually I just noticed something. I suppose it might be my fault. When I said you need a new paragraph every time a new person talks it should be on a different line, preferably with an indent.
So instead of this.
Quote:
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The last time you heard from the Zelda crew, they’ve just beaten Ganondorf for the last time. It was an obvious victory for Link and friends. But as you already know in the Zelda Universe not everything is as it seems. Let’s join Princess Zelda in her throne room to see what’s up. (First Ganondorf’s body disappears, and now I haven’t heard from Link in months. Something must be wrong.) She’s serious, Ganondorf’s monsters have been quiet lately. Much more quiet than usual anyway. “P..Princess Zelda! Urgent news from our investigation!” The guard looked half dead and badly wounded. “Yes, do you have any news from Ordona or Link?” The guard’s condition made her worry, but the guards weren’t exactly the bravest fighters around.
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You would have this.
Quote:
The Last time you heard from the Zelda crew, they’ve just beaten Ganondorf for the last time. It was an obvious victory for Link and friends. But you already know in the Zelda Universe not everything is as it seems. Lets join Princess Zelda in her throne room to see what’s up. (first Ganondorf’s body disappears, and now I haven’t heard from Link in months. Something must be wrong!) She’s serious, Ganondorf’s monsters have been quiet lately.
[indent] "P.. Princess Zelda! Urgent news from our investigation!" The guard looked half dead and badly wounded.
[indent] "Yes, do you have news from Ordon or Link?" The guards condition was unsettling.
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Every time a new speaker speaks, it must be put into a new paragraph and indented. Pick up your favorite novel. This is how it should be. It makes it easier to read and understand.
I should have pointed this out earlier, but only just noticed this.
EDIT: fixed the indent problem.