Quote:
Originally Posted by Tazryl
Well I am all for saving the best for last, however you want to keep your readers reading, if everything is boring and bland you will lose your audience fast.... and I am talking fat guy getting to an All You Can Eat Beffet!
I am also fine with adding stuff original stuff to FanFics, however the way you wrote it left for no suspense or drama of any kind. There Zelda was rambling on about Midna and *poof* there she was. As a reader, thats just boring.
That chapter has an air of mystery about it. Who destroyed Ordon? Where is Link? Is Ganondorf alive? How to contact Midna?
Which would be fine... if you did not answer two of the questions right away. We learn that Ganondorf is alive and the problem of contacting Midna is immediatly answered.
Should have had Zelda go to the Sages for advice, have them do some fancy magic to summon her or something. Should have also kept Ganondorf in shadows, could it be him or is it someone new? Could have gradually revealed it was Ganondorf with subtle hints.
Another thing that bothered me was the fact that Zelda almost ignored the Ordon situation.
A guard died right before her eyes and all she did was sit back on her throne and began to think and do some research. You called her a kind ruler, but what kind of ruler lets a Guard die in front of her? She should have sent a small army to Ordon to investigate.
But she did nothing... Why?
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You're forgetting her seriousness, and she shows her egerness to resolve the problem by going to the archives. Where all the possible explinations would be. As for the situation of the guard. He was half-dead already, barely breathing. How would you feel seing something like that, your castle guards are all out trying to find Link and there's no medical assistance around. (I sorta left that part out,) Her thoughts were rushed if you didn't notice, because as soon as she herd about ordana she was already in shock. Her FIRST response to that news "What about Link...and the monument built around Ganondorf's final resting place?" showed she did care about the one person that could've stopped that from happening and the person that could've done it. Who could've done that, how did they do it so quickly? That's the question she was trying to solve by going to the archives. And I mentioned that although she was a kind ruler that in a situation like this, she was already under a lot of stress so even seeing her guard die right in front of her did make her feel bad. But she didn't have time to "show" it. And the guards aren't exactly the bravest around (at least in TP)....er sry bout that.
Hmm as for the situation with Midna.....woah I was so buisy writing I didn't notice.
I guess I expected the reader figure THAT out by reading that little bit of the story...my bad.
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Let's see... I'm really bored half the time I'm on the net, just like everyone else. I'm into anime, zelda, sega, and Nintendo games. For movies I like james bond, any star wars movie, and again some anime done by mizaki san.
For reasons I'd rather not talk about, Im not posting my fanfics here anymore. Instead you can find them at
www.fanfiction.com by searching my username avatarmaniac.
If you find anything I like interesting, feel free to drop a line at
zfan121@yahoo.com
I'm getting some new hardware for youtube soon too so be sure to check that out as well I'm. zfan122 over there.