Quote:
Originally Posted by Tazryl
Well I read the first chapter.
First off when another character speaks its put into a new paragraph. Having two or more characters speak within the same paragraph is not only confusing, but annoying to read.
So keep in mind when a new person begins to speak you put it as a new paragraph.
Also you seemed to have resolved the problem with contacting Midna way to fast. Where is the supsence and drama?
Within the same paragraph you set up the problem of not being able to contact Midna and then a few sentences later you solved it! It gave me a bad impression. While reading it, I began to think. How is Zelda going to do this? I mean its hard to get in contact when the only known way was destroyed. But you immediatly squashed this, when you had Midna out of no where teleport there.
Although I must comment on something. You did leave the reader hanging about what Midna knows. Unless I am being clueless and missed something.
Also you should spend sometime looking over some spelling errors. Towards the end of Chapter 1 you spelled Ganondorf wrong. Might want to edit that.
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Yeah, being from a tribe that's a whole lot older than Hylian and the fact that they know a lot more about "portals" than anyone else. What she knows is something I made up about the sacred realm just for this story. It's not only the realm of the goddeses...but wait..."that would be telling wouldn't it?"
If you read on the paragraphs do get better. And I'll try to remember that tip next time. But I'm done with it.(the story) The drama and suspense comes later, at the final chapters. But I haven't added them yet although I'm adding a few more tonight. I love cliff hangers that's why I watch anime! Some of the "boss fights" are a little lacking cause of writers block at the time. But overall it's a pretty suspenseful story. I just happen to save the best for last. The two chapters that reveal what you don't know are the plot and the plan, but be sure to read meeting the new hero first. Otherwise you'll have no clue where Link's triforce went!
But even then, you'd have to be paying serious attention towards the end of meeting a new hero.
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