Well I read the first chapter.

First off when another character speaks its put into a new paragraph. Having two or more characters speak within the same paragraph is not only confusing, but annoying to read.

So keep in mind when a new person begins to speak you put it as a new paragraph.

Also you seemed to have resolved the problem with contacting Midna way to fast. Where is the supsence and drama?

Within the same paragraph you set up the problem of not being able to contact Midna and then a few sentences later you solved it! It gave me a bad impression. While reading it, I began to think. How is Zelda going to do this? I mean its hard to get in contact when the only known way was destroyed. But you immediatly squashed this, when you had Midna out of no where teleport there.

Although I must comment on something. You did leave the reader hanging about what Midna knows. Unless I am being clueless and missed something.

Also you should spend sometime looking over some spelling errors. Towards the end of Chapter 1 you spelled Ganondorf wrong. Might want to edit that.

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[original looks better, but the site wont allow its awsomeness, so i had to shrink it a bit]