Alright, overall it was good. However, I want you to start paying more attention to how you write your descriptions. At times they can be a tad bland. Try make them more sensuous, include smells, feelings (the physical type), sounds, etc. Also, sometimes you're writing seems to hop from place to place very quickly. You have to know when to have a quick sequence and when to have a slower sequence. For example, you could have made this bit more interesting;
Quote:
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Atropos followed it as it drifted through the Dome, passing several doors and turning several corners. Finally, the Domerii stopped in front of a somewhat large door.
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It's understandable that you want to avoid boring the reader, but some more description here would have gone a long way, to me, it seems like you were rushing towards the action.
OoC:
"A very good job indeed," Mesfido's smile broadened. He could see this Nightshade girl had potential, lots of it. "Though, next time, let's try to avoid making such a mess."
The fallen angel walked purposefully towards Nightshade, his burly arms crossed against his chest as was his custom. His cobalt eyes stay fixed on his student as he circled her. Finally, after having paced an entire three hundred and sixty degrees, he came to a halt. His arms unfolded, his left hand shone brightly. A surge of light energy burst forth from him and collided with Nightshade. A high pitched chime ran through the training grounds as the energy met flesh, accompanied by a strange sweet, fresh smell. The energy disappiated quickly, but not before running along the young woman's form and healing her wounds.
"There you are." Mesfido smiled again, but it did not last long, a serious look quickly replaced it. "Now that I have a better idea of what you are capable of, it is time to begin your true training."
OoC:
Assignment Time!
Time for a sidequest! Mesfido will go on to explain that as the first step of Nightshade's training, he wants her to journey into an area of the Dome known as No Man's Land. He does not give her any instructions as to finding it, that is part of her training, she must find it herself. All he tells her is that once there, she must find a plant known as the Viper's Bite. When she finds it, she must return to him.
No Man's Land is a place of horros. Everything Atropos finds there will attack her, she will not have a moment rest while she remains. This will indeed be a test of her determination, willpower and endurance.
2,000 word minimum.
BiC: