Okay! You're doing great! Now, we get into the meat of things
Little fleshing out of stuff that may seem obscure, hard to understand.
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Originally Posted by Morpheel Man
Strengths: Kicking monster butt, playing chess, good against elves and species of sub-human-ness
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I'd like you to explain 'species of sub-human-ness' a little more, for those who may not get what it may mean. What are they? How is he strong against them? How is he strong against Elves, also?
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Weaknesses: Distractions, better chess players, undead, darkness, a few species of super-human creatures
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'Better chess players' wouldn't be a weakness, really xD. But I'd like you to explain on what distracts him. What causes his attention to be pulled away from whatever he's focusing on? If he's easily distracted, you can put that as well.
How is undead a weakness? What do they do to him? What happens if they hurt him? Or is he just afraid of them? I'd like some details with that, please. ^^
As for 'darkness', there are basically two kinds in the Amphitheatre. One is actual darkness; like dark rooms or nighttime. The second would be dark/shadow magic. I'd like to know which one (or if it's both, okay?) and I'd like to know what it does to him when he's in it or gets hurt by it.
And I'd like you to expand more on 'super-human creatures'. If it's just general, then your character won't really stand a chance against most of the other characters in the BA xP It's best to just expand greatly on it, like...why are creatures like that a weakness for him?
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Magic: Telekinesis (a master at it)/reading minds (OK at it). Uses telekinesis to throw things with his mind, as well as just crush their minds. Uses mind-reading to find their weakness, so he can control their minds.
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Ah-ah. Controlling minds is a no-no. Controlling others' minds would mean 'Power-playing' (which means assuming control of other peoples' characters without permission from the persons themselves) which is something we try to avoid greatly. And it is a tiny bit too powerful for a beginning character.
Crushing minds would be too powerful for a beginner character. Perhaps, later on, he could gain it. xP I have a character that uses extreme telekinesis as well. She's very powerful (able to disintegrate an entire town if there's enough stress on her) but she's still not able to control others or crush their minds.
Think of it this way; you know about RPGs, right? The characters start off really weak, and then grow stronger with the more trials they pass. The Amphitheatre is something like that, except in written form.
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Appearance: Tough-looking, always wears a red jacket and black jeans and black boots, fairly tall. White skin, dirty usually, a few battle scars (all on his face), small nose, average-sized ears.
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I like the colour choices. xP
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Personality: Courageous fighter, powerful, kind to youngsters but not so kind to older folks.
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I'll need a lot more than this for personality, since we want a good grasp at how he might react in certain situations.
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Bio: A hero known for destroying creatures from other dimensions and planets. Best known for his catchphrase "This oughtta be EASY!"
Bio (continued): Netros was born on the planet of Earth at the end of the Great Infection. The aftereffect of the deadly Infection gave magic powers to those who survived. Netros had. Another aftereffect was that the barriers between Earth and other dimensions was broken. While he grew up, Netros saw his neighbors, friends, and even strangers slaughtered by the creatures that invaded Earth. So, he decided to be a Defender. Thus, at the age of 18, Netros Melia began his career and destroyed the first wave. He then defended the tiny, blue planet until today, when he finally decides to battle against other Defenders and creatures of other kinds. In the Amphitheatre!
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A few things, here:
- What happened to his parents? You could describe them and how they raised him.
- What exactly is the 'Great Infection'? You only described the aftereffects, and not the actual effects of it (what it did, how it came about, how it killed people etc.)
- What did he do
before the age of 18? When his neighbours and friends were alive? How did they shape him into the man he is today?
- Why did he just up and decide to battle against other Defenders and creatures? You should elaborate on that.
That should be it for now, however I'd like you to look at other approved characters for examples, so you can get a good idea of what's really needed, these in particular:
Hochgender Adler
Julia Anne and her Duck.
\i.s.a.a.c.\ ~ [c-AO9x.i]
Molly Thatcher
If you'd like, you could check out my characters for some more examples (although, some of them are complicated):
http://www.zeldauniverse.net/forums/...ml#post1720689