MMkay, I did catch one thing that you do once in a while. So now, time to see if I can help.
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Shantanu only stood for a bit longer before turning back and reentering the blue building. He closed the door behind him and glanced around for another interesting-looking door. The mercenary found that in the form of a door that appeared to be made of a swirling darkness. “Let’s see what’s behind door number two.” He swung it open and jumped through the portal. “This is kind of boring.” He couldn’t see anything. Where ever he had gone, it was completely pitch black. Still curious, though, he stuck out one of his arms and the gauntlet started to glow with a faint light. Unfortunately, even that wasn’t enough to show him where he was. And it certainly didn’t help when a group of black creatures suddenly leaped onto his arm. “The hell?” he exclaimed. Then he started ripping at the monsters with his other hand, having covered it with the metal claw. Once he managed to get most of them off, he hopped back through the doorway and slammed the black door behind him. “That wasn’t what I had in mind. Huh?” he noticed that one of the black creatures had hitched a ride back on his arm. It was still clutching furiously to his gauntlet but it wasn’t attacking him in anyway. Holding up his arm to look, he saw that the light his weapon was giving off was slowly fading at the creature bit at it. “A light-eater. Well, perhaps that trip wasn’t a total waste.” He retracted the claw and picked the light-eater up by its head, making it squeal in protest. It wasn’t very big, maybe only a foot and a half. The head was perfectly round with four long antennas protruding from it. Its eyes were almost squinted shut but, from what he could see, it pupils were largely dilated. The mouth was rather tiny with protruding lips that sucked harmlessly at the air. Six arms branched off the body with six, sharp fingers on each. Still squealing, the creatures raised on pair of hands and clawed the Lilim’s hand, opening bright red wounds. Shan smirked at the light-eater, “I think your DNA could be very useful.” The blood that had started leaking out turned gray in color and flowed down onto the animal. It struggled more as the Legion cells touched it but to no avail. Soon the gray mass engulfed it completely. A few meager movements could be seen before the ball of cells stopped moving. Then the Legion cells retreated back into Shan’s hand, sealing the wounds.
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This paragraph is full of stuff, but the thing is, as you're reading it, there's too much stuff to keep your attention. IT's a good idea to keep your paragraphs to six sentence maximum. If you make your paragraphs too long, people tend to lose interest and start skipping around, ya know? ^_^
Fix:
Quote:
Shantanu only stood for a bit longer before turning back and reentering the blue building. He closed the door behind him and glanced around for another interesting-looking door. The mercenary found that in the form of a door that appeared to be made of a swirling darkness. “Let’s see what’s behind door number two.” He swung it open and jumped through the portal. “This is kind of boring.” He couldn’t see anything. Where ever he had gone, it was completely pitch black. Still curious, though, he stuck out one of his arms and the gauntlet started to glow with a faint light.
Unfortunately, even that wasn’t enough to show him where he was. And it certainly didn’t help when a group of black creatures suddenly leaped onto his arm. “The hell?” he exclaimed. Then he started ripping at the monsters with his other hand, having covered it with the metal claw. Once he managed to get most of them off, he hopped back through the doorway and slammed the black door behind him.
“That wasn’t what I had in mind. Huh?” he noticed that one of the black creatures had hitched a ride back on his arm. It was still clutching furiously to his gauntlet but it wasn’t attacking him in anyway. Holding up his arm to look, he saw that the light his weapon was giving off was slowly fading at the creature bit at it. “A light-eater. Well, perhaps that trip wasn’t a total waste.” He retracted the claw and picked the light-eater up by its head, making it squeal in protest.
It wasn’t very big, maybe only a foot and a half. The head was perfectly round with four long antennas protruding from it. Its eyes were almost squinted shut but, from what he could see, it pupils were largely dilated. The mouth was rather tiny with protruding lips that sucked harmlessly at the air. Six arms branched off the body with six, sharp fingers on each.
Still squealing, the creatures raised on pair of hands and clawed the Lilim’s hand, opening bright red wounds. Shan smirked at the light-eater, “I think your DNA could be very useful.” The blood that had started leaking out turned gray in color and flowed down onto the animal. It struggled more as the Legion cells touched it but to no avail. Soon the gray mass engulfed it completely. A few meager movements could be seen before the ball of cells stopped moving. Then the Legion cells retreated back into Shan’s hand, sealing the wounds.
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That's a bit better. Tell me if you like the way I broke up the paragraph, and if not, you should give it a try in a way you feel is proper. ^_^
Assignment Time:
The ship Shan's currently on is where his teacher is at this point in time. Have one of the monitors on the ship activate and tell Shan this, and then have Shan look for where his teacher is. However, beware, a dangerous experiment is living on this ship, a byproduct of Monroe's work. End your post with Shan finding Monroe. 600 word minimum. ^_^