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Old 04-11-2008, 08:00 AM
insaney insaney is offline
the #1 cause of giggles among daughtaluffs. :3
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: In your mirror
View Posts: 5,029
Re: Hochgender Adler

Okay, first things first. Hoch's going after the killer for revenge, correct? If so...that's just really frowned upon here (because it's really cliche). So you could just wrap up The Dark One's life and make Hoch wander around afterward, instead of constantly searching for the killer--just a suggestion, you can do whatever you want, just not the 'revenge story'

If you plan to go through with Hoch (you should, he seems to be an interesting person), I need you to expand everything; more strengths, more weaknesses. Give us a little more appearance and some more personality. His biography as well.

For your Magic/Skills section, you need to skip a line between each one. Makes it a little easier to read.
I want to know his speed when using the Super Sprint. A general idea, like...what's he able to outrun? Understand? I like the Judgment skill, it reminds me of one of my own character's abilities.

Fix those up and edit 'em in. When you're done, just post here or drop me a PM :3
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